CAPE CANAVERAL, FLAdopting an affected speech pattern upon reentering Earths atmosphere, an astronaut aboard a SpaceX Crew Dragon capsule reportedly returned from the International Space Station with an annoying space accent Monday. He was only in space for, like, nine months, and that is not long enough to pick up an accent, said NASA mission coordinator Sheila Malone, who told reporters how the astronaut now made unnatural guttural sounds when pronouncing certain vowels and was always telling everyone they just had to go to space the first chance they got. Dude, hes from Ohio. He doesnt need to go on and on about how he cant get use to the food here because its not the same as it is in space, or how they have some expression they use aboard the ISS that he cant possibly explain to us because weve never been there and just wouldnt get it. Worst of all, he keeps making a big deal of dropping things while talking about how crazy it is that objects just fall to the ground here, as if gravity were something he hadnt been familiar with his whole life. Its so fucking obnoxious. At press time, sources reported the astronaut was lecturing co-workers on the proper way to pronounce Andromeda.

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Astronaut Returns From ISS With Annoying Space Accent - The Onion