Any life choice has its positives and negatives, and parenting versus not-parenting is no different. Lets examine three advantages and three disadvantages of each option.
Three advantages of being a parent:
You fit in better with your peer group.
Almost everyone is a parent, and if you like to feel like youre part of the mainstream, then parenting is for you. Not being a parent when in your 20s, 30s, and 40s can mean spending a lot of time alone, as your peers are getting together for play-dates with their children. Even when the little ones are not around, the conversation is likely to be about what the children are doing.
You have something to focus on other than yourself.
Self-focus is uncomfortable for many people, and frankly, having a child immediately puts the emphasis on this dependent being. Having a child means that youll have at least eighteen years of endless focus on the needs of another being.
Youre never bored.
For a person who has trouble filling his or her time, having a child might be the answer. You simply wont have time to be bored, because once you spend eight hours on childrearing tasks youll be so tired that youll be ready for bed.
Three disadvantages of being a parent:
You have limited time and energy for your own pursuits. Many parents are spread way too thin, and they suffer by missing sleep, not having time for exercise, and having neglected marriages that end in divorce. And thats not to mention the hobbies that one might wish to pursue such as art, travel, writing, or golf, and to not have to wait until the golden retirement years to do so.
You have to worry about a child who is dependent on you. Im hearing more and more stories about adult children who are still living at home or have returned home after college. Many of these kids appear to be quite immature and not only financially, but also emotionally dependent on mommy and daddy. Parents these days seem to have trouble cutting the old apron strings.
You have to make life decisions based on whats best for someone else, rather than whats best for yourself.
When you become a parent, you ideally put your own selfish desires behind those of your child. This is all well and good, but what if it means passing up a job opportunity in another city, staying in a dead marriage, or neglecting old friendships?
Three advantages of being childfree
You have time for self-care and for other relationships.
I love spending time alone with my husband, and we have a lot of this due to not being busy raising a family. I also enjoy nurturing my terriers, and for me the time and energy this takes meets my personal caretaking needs. Its also great to have the ability to carve out time to write letters, make phone calls, or meet with friends socially.
You can dedicate your time to your career or to other interests that will help the world as a whole.
Lets face it, parenting takes a lot of time; time experts say that it takes eight hours a day to raise two children to the age of 18. Im amazed at how people, especially women with children, can manage a fulltime job on top of parenting. They often appear to be exhausted and less than enthusiastic about being at work, and its apparent that theyre spread too thin.
The world will be less crowded and resources less depleted.
Think about a future with fewer mouths to feed and the possibility that we might restore diminishing natural resources such as life in the sea and fresh water. I am hearing more and more young people these day say that parenting is not a given, and Im hopeful that only those who truly want to be parents will become moms and dads.
Three disadvantages of being childfree:
You will be a misfit among your peer group.
There have been many occasions when I looked around the room and realized that I was the only one who didnt have kids. This can be a real problem when Im with women friends, as they tends to always want to talk about their children; now that Im entering my fifties, some friends are talking about grandchildren. One in five women who have reached the end of their childbearing years is not a motherthat means that four out of five are!
You will miss out of what many consider to be a crucial life role.
Ive missed an entire chapter of life that is considered by many to be essential. Sometimes I feel out of step, especially when Im ahead in many ways such as saving for the future and building a career. Many women are just, at my age, returning to work after years of part-time employment or none at all.
You wont have anyone to take care of you in your old age.
I live far from my parents, but we talk at least weekly by phone and they know that they can count on me if need be. Not having kids, Im aware of how critical it is for me to be making plans for my future, whether this is putting my wishes down in writing or saving up to be able to pay for the help Ill need.
Its great to realize that young people today truly have more choice, and that theyre stepping back and evaluating whats best for them rather than simply following the common path.
More:
Advantages and Disadvantages of Being Childfree ...
- The Childfree Life Index page - December 8th, 2016 [December 8th, 2016]
- The Childfree-by-Choice Pages - December 8th, 2016 [December 8th, 2016]
- Jillian Michaels - Scary Mommy - December 31st, 2016 [December 31st, 2016]
- Mommyjacking The Childfree Life - STFU Parents - February 1st, 2017 [February 1st, 2017]
- Why No Kids - We're childfree and happy. You could be too! - February 4th, 2017 [February 4th, 2017]
- Happily Childfree - Children's Health Health Care Blog - February 4th, 2017 [February 4th, 2017]
- Only One in the World: Pioneering NotMom Summit to Connect Childless & Childfree Women - PR Newswire (press release) - February 7th, 2017 [February 7th, 2017]
- What time is Parenting for Idiots on Channel 4 tonight, who's on the show with Frankie Boyle and Sally Phillips and ... - The Sun - February 16th, 2017 [February 16th, 2017]
- I had a vasectomy and I have no regrets - Why a lot of people are opting for a child free lifestyle - SDE Entertainment News (satire) (press release)... - February 27th, 2017 [February 27th, 2017]
- This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults - Huffington Post - March 2nd, 2017 [March 2nd, 2017]
- Meet The Twenty-Something Childfree Women Fighting To Be Sterilised - Huffington Post UK - March 7th, 2017 [March 7th, 2017]
- Child-free and OK with it but still dealing with moral scolding and ... - Salon - March 7th, 2017 [March 7th, 2017]
- The Childfree, Outrage, and Where It Belongs - Huffington Post - April 8th, 2017 [April 8th, 2017]
- Overlooking the childfree is a mistake - Spectator.co.uk (blog) - June 7th, 2017 [June 7th, 2017]
- 'Strangers should mind their own business about my child-free status' - Independent.ie - June 8th, 2017 [June 8th, 2017]
- What We Get Wrong About Women Who Don't Have Kids - Refinery29 - June 20th, 2017 [June 20th, 2017]
- The 1 Simple Reason I Decided Not to Have Kids - POPSUGAR UK - June 21st, 2017 [June 21st, 2017]
- Why you should go on a child-free vacation - Femina - June 21st, 2017 [June 21st, 2017]
- Why I Don't Want to Have Kids | POPSUGAR Love & Sex - POPSUGAR - June 22nd, 2017 [June 22nd, 2017]
- Vacation without Children - Childfree Getaways - TripSavvy - June 24th, 2017 [June 24th, 2017]
- Why am I expected to have children just because I'm a woman? - Irish Times - June 27th, 2017 [June 27th, 2017]
- Can Everyone On RHONY Stop Shaming Carole Radziwill For Not Having Children? - Refinery29 - June 30th, 2017 [June 30th, 2017]
- As A Childfree Woman, Every Day Is Independence Day - HuffPost - July 1st, 2017 [July 1st, 2017]
- Myths and Facts About Living Childfree - RESOLVE - July 1st, 2017 [July 1st, 2017]
- Celebrating ChildFreedom on the Fourth of July - HuffPost - July 3rd, 2017 [July 3rd, 2017]
- Ode: Divorced and dating again, childfree by choice - KWIT - July 26th, 2017 [July 26th, 2017]
- Ode: Divorced and dating again, childfree by choice | KWIT - KWIT - August 1st, 2017 [August 1st, 2017]
- While some airlines and restaurants cater to kids, what's a parent to do when others don't? - National Post - August 2nd, 2017 [August 2nd, 2017]
- Calgary bucking national trend of couples with fewer kids, census ... - Calgary Herald - August 3rd, 2017 [August 3rd, 2017]
- How Not To Be A Dick To Your Childfree Friends - August 11th, 2017 [August 11th, 2017]
- The Childfree Life - August 22nd, 2017 [August 22nd, 2017]
- 9 Childfree Women Explain What Life Is Like Without Kids ... - August 25th, 2017 [August 25th, 2017]
- Childfree And Loving It! - February 23rd, 2018 [February 23rd, 2018]
- Efilism | Cool Childfree Guy | Page 2 - March 10th, 2018 [March 10th, 2018]
- Parents secretly hate Snow Days : childfree - reddit.com - March 19th, 2018 [March 19th, 2018]
- Complete Without Kids: a Childfree by Choice Handbook | Complete Without Kids - April 13th, 2018 [April 13th, 2018]
- Childfree or Childless: Does Terminology Really Matter? - May 4th, 2018 [May 4th, 2018]
- Living Childfree - RESOLVE: The National Infertility ... - May 31st, 2018 [May 31st, 2018]
- Home | Childfree Women UK & Ireland - July 12th, 2018 [July 12th, 2018]
- Childless and Childfree Marriages and Divorce | Divorce Source - July 12th, 2018 [July 12th, 2018]
- Childfree - Travel Companion - September 24th, 2018 [September 24th, 2018]
- The Childfree Life - Official Site - November 9th, 2018 [November 9th, 2018]
- Choosing to be Childfree to Live a More Sustainable Lifestyle - January 3rd, 2019 [January 3rd, 2019]
- Complete Without Kids: a Childfree by Choice Handbook ... - January 27th, 2019 [January 27th, 2019]
- How Minimalism Relates to Being Childfree | By: Legally ... - January 27th, 2019 [January 27th, 2019]
- Childfree Places from Restaurants to Events The Site ... - January 27th, 2019 [January 27th, 2019]
- IVFML Season 2, Episode 9: Going From Childless To ... - April 1st, 2019 [April 1st, 2019]
- The Childfree Life - Index page - April 24th, 2019 [April 24th, 2019]
- Welcome to The Childfree Life | The Childfree Life - April 24th, 2019 [April 24th, 2019]
- Living Childfree - RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association - May 27th, 2019 [May 27th, 2019]
- Why breast cancer was called 'Nun's disease" - Florida Today - September 19th, 2019 [September 19th, 2019]
- Why you should be worried about teacher salaries in Michigan - Detroit Free Press - September 19th, 2019 [September 19th, 2019]
- How babies change the dynamics of friendships - ABC News - October 16th, 2019 [October 16th, 2019]
- Im childfree, not childless heres why that difference matters - Stylist Magazine - October 24th, 2019 [October 24th, 2019]
- My Label and Me: I have 10 children, but motherhood doesn't define me - Metro.co.uk - December 13th, 2019 [December 13th, 2019]
- If I have no hope for the planet, why am I so determined to have this baby? - The Guardian - December 27th, 2019 [December 27th, 2019]
- Are single childfree women the last of the hopeless romantics? - TheArticle - February 12th, 2020 [February 12th, 2020]
- I'm Childfree, and I Think It's Time to Stop Asking Women If They're Having Kids - GoodHousekeeping.com - March 7th, 2020 [March 7th, 2020]
- Good sleep hygiene is the new wellness goal. Try telling that to an eight-month-old baby - The Guardian - March 16th, 2020 [March 16th, 2020]
- Childfree: Im not having children because I want to save the planet - Stylist Magazine - April 26th, 2020 [April 26th, 2020]
- How this working mum is coping without her village during the coronavirus pandemic - ABC News - April 26th, 2020 [April 26th, 2020]
- I used to judge childfree women | Life and style | The ... - April 26th, 2020 [April 26th, 2020]
- The Very Sad Childfree Life : Strange Notions - April 26th, 2020 [April 26th, 2020]
- Childfree and Childless The Difference - The Good Men Project - May 19th, 2020 [May 19th, 2020]
- Childfree - reddit.com - July 11th, 2020 [July 11th, 2020]
- First Thing: could the pandemic turn red states into swing states? - The Guardian - July 12th, 2020 [July 12th, 2020]
- More women like me are choosing to be childfree. Is this the age of opting out? - The Guardian - July 12th, 2020 [July 12th, 2020]
- 5 Things 'Childfree' People Want You To Know | HuffPost Life - July 12th, 2020 [July 12th, 2020]
- The Motherhood Rejection: 'We Didnt Need A Baby To Make Us Feel Complete' - elle.com - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- 'I'm a woman in her 40s with no children, and people don't quite know what to do with me.' - Mamamia - July 23rd, 2020 [July 23rd, 2020]
- 10 Women Look Back On Living Childfree By Choice | SELF - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- Why arent millennials having kids? 8 insights into the ... - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- This Is What No One Tells You About Being Child-Free In ... - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- Choosing to Be Childfree Doesn't Mean You Dislike Kids | Time - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- Voluntary childlessness - Wikipedia - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- Childfree - reddit - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- Trends: To have or not to have a baby childless author Emma Gannon is blazing a trail for choice - Metro Newspaper UK - July 26th, 2020 [July 26th, 2020]
- 'There's a real taboo': Emma Gannon's debut novel Olive explores the decision to be childfree - Belfast Telegraph - July 31st, 2020 [July 31st, 2020]
- How at 34 I'm working out if I really want to be a mother one day - iNews - August 6th, 2020 [August 6th, 2020]
- One Legacy of the Pandemic May Be Less Judgment of the Child-Free - The Atlantic - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]