Out of bone flakes? No worries for I have other means of predicting the future – The Daily News Online

I am out of bone flakes. Now, this usually doesnt cause me trepidation because in the past, all I had to do was make a call to my bone flake dealer and voila! A drone arrives on my doorstep the next day.

My bone flake dealer, however, is dead, something I actually predicted would happen when I made my yearly predictions last year.

My studious readers will recall that a year ago I wrote that My bone flake dealer will die this year.

And he did.

Except that now I am out of bone flakes, which are the key ingredient for my potion that helps me see the future. Amazon says my shipment will arrive in six to 10 days.

Now, with the new year already three days old, I am in a quandary.

As luck would have it, though ...well, not luck but Google, I was able to find a simple potion made from various items I found right here at work, on my desk.

(A note: Its technically not my desk. My desk is over there but my computer, like my bone flake dealer, died in 2019 and I had to move to Toris old desk, Tori being a girl who worked here on occasion and is now in the Adirondacks but who left her desk a mess full of her things.)

Heres what I put together: A Mutual of Omaha beer koozie, a miniature version of the Chrysler building, colored gel pens, a broken stapler, a granola bar and three packets of Burger King pepper.

Google tells me to put all the ingredients in a basket and throw them into the Dumpster, which I did.

Within minutes, I was sitting back at the desk, my brain mired in a trance.

Here is what I see in the year 2020, in no particular order ...

The Buffalo Bills will win a playoff game. Today, actually. My faithful readers will remember that I correctly picked every playoff win the Bills have ever had, in part because of my bone flake stew but also because I pick them to win every year.

Tensions will rise, then fall, then rise in the Middle East. Some people will die.

I see a long winter with snow a distinct possibility, mixed in sometimes with rain.

Dozens of people will be trampled, some to death, by great herds of angry deer on State Street.

Speaking of deer, City Council will embark on an exhaustive, 10-year Master Plan on how to address the ongoing deer problem.

President Donald Trump will continue to Tweet his every waking and non-waking thought this year.

The Stock Market will fluctuate, sometimes wildly.

Democrat presidential hopefuls, after their 187th debate, decide to have a Battle Royal, sometimes known as a Battle Royale, to choose a candidate.

Jesse The Body Ventura is named the next Democrat presidential candidate after slinging Bernie Sanders over the top rope, by his hair.

In a Tweet, Donald Trump announces that he is the next Republican candidate and names Sgt. Slaughter as his running mate.

Summer in Western New York will feature some sun, warmth and a few rainy nights.

Vladimir Putin announces that he will not, in any way, shape or form, conspire with any presidential candidate to sway the election.

Just weeks before the ELECTION, Donald Trump Tweets YA russkiy, which is reminiscent of President Kennedys most famous Tweet: Ich bin ein Berliner!

n Thousands of people at a rally somewhere in the Deep South or Texas are shown waving their YA russkiy flags and Make Russian Great Again hats or MRGA for short.

At the final presidential debate before the ELECTION, Jesse The Body Ventura hoists Trump over this head and performs his signature move, The Body Breaker, much to the delight of CNN.

And now, the much-awaited prediction for who will win the presidential ELECTION ...

What? My shipment of bone flakes has arrived?

Thank the aligned stars.

Now, where did I put my pestle?

Scott DeSmit is a general assignment reporter for The Daily News and a world-renowned prognosticator. He can be reached at desmitmail@yahoo.com or with any working Ouija board.

The fork ratings are based primarily on food quality and preparation, with service and atmosphere factored into the final decision. Reviews are based on one unsolicited, unannounced visit to the restaurant.

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Out of bone flakes? No worries for I have other means of predicting the future - The Daily News Online

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