At university, an exchange student fresh from Shanghai and I were watching television during dinner –but she was confused. Why all the political commercials? Wasn’t this considered crude in America?

“Oh yes, that’s why they work.” I told her. “You see, in America, nobody is better at propaganda than other Americans. It is our primary export! (Though we usually call it finance or marketing or business development.)

So excellent are Americans at propaganda —because, remember, Americans themselves pride themselves in ‘media savvy’— that the only kind of propaganda that really works is propaganda so painfully obvious that Americans could not believe that we ourselves could be fooled by such an attempt to fool us. We think we know better. Then, we are fooled.”

So unlike China or any places in the world, American propaganda is always true! —assuming you mean “true” to mean “not a lie.” To learn the real truth, simply assume all reported facts must be true, invert the connotation, and voila: the truth! Isn’t that great? A culture so dishonestly honest that all you have to do to know reality is to believe what is bad is good and what is good is bad for the exact same reasons why everyone else will disagree with you.”

“So…” she tries, “that’s how to be successful in America?”

“Oh no.” I laugh. “That’s how to be sure everybody will hate you. If you already aren’t wealthy, then you’ll almost certainly never be, because that’s the way the world is and always has been everywhere no matter what.”

And… that relationship didn’t last long.

By the way, did you hear? 23andMe is hiring. That is a fact.

…and thank goodness, because you know what else is a fact? That your medical insurance won’t pay for healthcare anymore. Nope! That was all those “cost saving initiatives” you all have been so excited about recently. Good thing that now you’re “empowered” to figure out medicine for yourself on the Internet. So long, and thanks for all the fish money intellectual property!