Its the season for stories about giving and receiving, stories about family and relationships, stories about light in the darkness and miracles and warmth. Arent those stories wonderful? They make it all sound so simple, dont they?

Its the season for stories about giving and receiving, stories about family and relationships, stories about light in the darkness and miracles and warmth. Arent those stories wonderful? They make it all sound so simple, dont they?

One of my favorite holiday stories is O. Henrys The Gift of the Magi, about a young couple struggling to get by and determined to give each other Christmas gifts that show how much they love each other. Della sells her prized possession, her beautiful long hair, in order to get the money to buy a watch chain for Jim. She doesnt know that Jim has sold his prized possession, his pocket watch, in order to get the money to buy hair ornaments for Della. When they realize what each of them has done, they simply sit together in silence, and the narrator tells us that these two foolish children are also among the wisest, like the magi, those wise kings who brought precious gifts to lay before a baby in a humble stable.

In these times of so much division, so much fear and anger and self-protective tactics, its hard to want to be that kind of foolish wise person. Its vulnerable, to imagine giving up something you treasure and maybe discovering that your recipient has done the same and therefore destroyed the whole point of your gift.

Unless youre focusing on the wrong point.

I remember sitting in a church service a while ago, thinking that that particular service was not at all my cup of tea, even looking around a little as I wondered if I could sneak out without being obvious. As I looked around, though, what I noticed more than an escape route was that some friends of mine were sitting a few rows away, rapt, deeply moved. And I thought, OH. THIS is what the service is about for me this morning. The reminder that its not all about me, that I share this congregation with lots of people who are dear to me and have different needs than I do. Was it foolish of me, to settle back into my seat? Or wise?

The poet Yehuda Amichai writes, From the place where we are right, flowers will never grow in the spring. I wonder: If it ever happened that everything went perfectly according to my plans, if I took no risks and had no surprises and got what I wanted, would flowers grow there? If I never had to sacrifice anything, would I remember how much I care for the person Im giving to?

Maybe the wisdom of the foolish children in O. Henrys story is their willingness to say to themselves, I love my partner so much that Im a little in awe of the love we share. Im surprised by it sometimes, and I want to live up to that love. I know Ill make mistakes, and I know its important to keep trying.

I read one of those How to survive family gatherings articles a few years ago, and this article suggested one simple practice: When someone is ranting and railing on a topic where you disagree, listen and calmly say, I hear you. I believe that this is your experience. My experience is different can I tell you about it?

Can you imagine doing that? This act that says to someone in your family, I love you enough to open my mind to your perspective. I love you enough to take the risk of telling you mine. Its a risk. Im willing to take it.

We need more and more ways to practice being in relationship now, because its not as easy as it used to be. It takes so much courage to give up what we prize, even a little bit. But for the gift of the flowers that grow in the spring, I believe we can keep trying, keep risking, keep learning to be wise.

The Rev. Monica Jacobson-Tennessen is pastor of First Parish Church Unitarian Universalist of Kingston. Spiritually Speaking is presented by members of the Plymouth Area Interfaith Community Alliance.

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SPIRITUALLY SPEAKING: To give like the magi - News - Wicked Local