Something for the Weekend, Sir? Call me an idiot* but I have no idea what you are talking about, why you're saying it or indeed what's going on any more.
Oh, and welcome to the Year 51-85-139.
Do you know what I'm talking about? No? Then you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Worried that my weekly outbursts of cynicism here might simply betray a weakening grip on the fast pace of tech disruption, last summer I began reading futurist Tom Cheesewright's High Frequency Change. The book tries to explain why idiots (ie, anyone who isn't a futurist) perceive modern tech business as being founded on the cult of fleeting unsustainability, and how to go about convincing oneself that it isn't.
Unfortunately, I never got past chapter three as I had other pressing things to do. By the time these were half-done, I'd moved on to other things. Sorry, Tom, but that's how it is these days. Always looking to the future, me.
What I did learn from the book is that things are not really intended to make specific sense as they whizz by across a rapidly morphing cultural landscape so there's no point worrying my idiotic but pretty little head about questions such as "why?"
For example, did you guess what the aforementioned "Year 51-85-139" business was about? Well, colour experts Pantone have declared its Classic Blue ref. 19-4052 TPG (that's 51 Red, 85 Green, 139 Blue) to be the theme colour for 2020.
Here it is. Now you know what 2020 is going to look like.
My (clearly foolish) reaction to this news is to wonder why a year should be assigned a colour from a Pantone reference library. Is it like the 12-year cycle of Chinese animals? Or is it a plot by rogue freemasons to design a coat of arms replete with colour symbolism to revive the Knights Templar with the support of Vatican 2 agents, Agnes Nutter and Bigfoot? Are we being led annually towards an ultimate Pantone reference that lies beyond the spectrum of human visibility and whose first implementation in a CSS tag will trigger the awakening of the Old Ones?
Nope. The idea is to buy a Pantone 19-4052 TPG espresso mug and keychain, then turn our goldfish-like attention to the next thing. Trying to make sense of it is an idiot's game. Don't stand still, move along please.
Youtube Video
I found that if you spend long enough wondering "why?", your brain tricks itself into deducing a ludicrously unlikely purpose behind this stuff and then convinces you that it makes sense. For example, take this advertising poster I found just inches from my face when I nipped to the gents during a journalists' Christmas bash in the typically drunken and debauched surroundings of a central London church.
You've heard of town-twinning, right? Well, the latrine into which I was artlessly jimmy-riddling at that very moment had been twinned with the one pictured in the photograph, in Uganda. For those of you working in spy agencies seeking something to stave off the workplace boredom other than secrete "always-on" code into other people's Alexa skills, have a peek at the Ugandan convenience at your convenience via live satellite: the map references are given on the poster.
Nice logo at the, er, bottom. Shitting infographics, it's all the rage, didn't you know?
Give yourself five minutes and I'm sure you can come up with a valid and worthy reason for toilet-twinning to exist. However, I think you might be missing the point, which is that there isn't one. It's a thing, that's all. Move along please, zip it up, let the next customer have a go. By the time you've Googled toilet-twinning, the fad will be over and replaced by fridge-twinning or eraser-at-the-end-of-a-pencil-twinning.
It's not that earnest charitable endeavours are mere objects of smug amusement so much that everything has become slave to the prevailing culture of short-termism. We exist in an era where are unproven, unworkable ideas change ownership for billions of dollars and failed businesspeople are hailed as heroes that we should try to emulate.
At this point, your brain's reasoning function stumbles into cynicism. My smartphone, my car, my trousers: I'll get around to changing them all soon enough, so why bother giving it any serious thought?
And so here we are, welcome to my world. This is how I handle high-frequency change, Tom: I ignore it or take the piss out of it.
Talking of public signs, here's one I saw in a local park on New Year's Day. It warns visitors that a steep hill lies ahead. It is particularly heart-warming that the infographic-inspired icons target three very specific types of park user: someone in a wheelchair; oldsters sharing a stick; and my Dad.
Hang on isn't that Pantone Classic Blue?
Youtube Video
* content experience user interactivity prompt
More here:
We live so fast I can't even finish this sent... - The Register
- The G-Bound RC Car Drives On Water [Rc] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Nanoparticles Can Rip Your DNA Apart Without Ever Touching It [Nanoparticles] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- My Favorite Top 10 List Today: The Dumbest Evil Geniuses Of All Time [Evil Geniuses] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- 5,000 Volts Is More Than Enough Power To Crush a Soda Can [DIY] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Computers Are Scary, But Steve Allen Is Here to Help [Retromodo] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Pangolin Backpack [Bags] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- New For iPhone: 2 Balls 1 Cup [IPhone Apps] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Office Building Or Home To A Super Heroine? [Architecture] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- This Inflating Bra Commercial Left Me Confused Yet Reaching For My Wallet [Nsfw] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- 10 Terrible Tips for Longer Battery Life [Humor] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Dealzmodo: $100 Xbox 360 at Amazon, More Electronics Deals All Day Long [Dealzmodo] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Gigabyte BIOS Update Fixes iPhone Syncing Issues [IPhone] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Hello Facebook User, I'm a Nigerian Prince in Need of Assistance... [Facebook] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Zune HD Update 4.3: Speedier Browser, Predictive Text and More [Zune Hd] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- 8-Bit Wedding Invitation Acknowledges the Marital Bickering to Come [8-Bit Wedding] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- The iPhone Nano Rumor Strikes Again: Coming to Verizon in 2010? [Rumor] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Building a NAS? Skip the Performance Drives [Nas] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Microsoft COFEE, Some of the Most Illegal Software You Can Pirate [Hacking] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Robot Cow Rectum: For Educational, not Recreational, Purposes [Robots] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Watch Jonathan Ive's Segment in Objectified [Apple] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- BlueBeat’s Innovative Defense That Will Never Hold Up in Court [Music] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Nokia Booklet 3G Landing November 15 at Best Buy [Nokia] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- Latest Snow Leopard Developer Build Breaks Hackintosh Support... Again [Hackintosh] - November 7th, 2009 [November 7th, 2009]
- The Cité du Design Certainly Lives Up to Its Name [Architecture] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- 64% of Men Don’t RTFM Before Calling Tech Support [Tech Support] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- MIT Media Lab: Electronic Wallpaper, Conductive Threads and More [Fashion] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Famous Paintings Reproduced In Coffee [Art] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- How Far Can 'Medical Tourism' Go? - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Actuarial Escape Velocity - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- A Rebuttal to 'Peak Oil' Doomsday Predictions - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Reverend Jeremiah White,...I mean, Wright - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Energy vs. Financials, A Divergence of Historical Extremes - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- US Ideological Distribution, 2008 - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Ten Biotechnology Breakthroughs Soon to be Available - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Nanohealing Material Heads to Market - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Solar Revolution is Near - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Why the US Will Still be the Only Superpower in 2030, v2.0 - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Culture of Happiness - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Surfaces : The Next Killer Ap in Computing - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- More on the Economics of Medical Tourism - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Ten Myths in America - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Can Buildings be 'Printed'? - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Pre-Singularity Abundance Milestones - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Futurist's Stock Portfolio for 2009 - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- A Future Timeline for Economics - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- A History of Stock Market Bottoms - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- A Few Electoral Statistics - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- It's Official : The Recession Began in December 2007 - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- How We Decisively WON in Iraq in 2008 - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- 2008 Technology Breakthrough Roundup - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Futurist's Stock Portfolio for 2008 - RESULTS - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Why Government is Set to Extinguish Silicon Valley - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Solar Power's Next 5 Game-Changing Technologies - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The End of Rabbit Ears, a Billion more Broadband Users - Part II - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Guantanamo Meets Geneva Convention Rules - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Nanotechnology : Bubble, Bust, ....Boom? - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Form of Economic Recovery - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Impact of Computing : 78% More per Year, v2.0 - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Wolfram Alpha : The Birth of Web 3.0 - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Energy vs. Financials, RESULTS - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- SETI and the Singularity - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Eight Ways to Supercharge the US Economy - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Next Big Thing in Entertainment, A Half-Time Update - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Video Conferencing : A Cascade of Disruptions - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Timing the Singularity - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Mobile Broadband Surge : A Prediction Follow Up - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Next Two US Recessions - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Google Promotes Droid Day With Rare Homepage Ad [Google] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Microsoft Confirms Improved Xbox 360 Warranty Seal [Blockquote] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- OpenOfficeMouse Is An 18 Button Freak, But I Want It [Mouse] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- 10 Classic Analog Games Defiled By Digital [Tgif] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Wire Your House With Ethernet Cable For Better Home Networking [DIY] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Next Room Eavesdropping Device Is Way Better Than a Drinking Glass [Surveillance] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Steve Jobs and Sarah Jessica Parker Sittin' In A Courthouse B-E-I-N-G S-U-E-D [Lawsuits] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Folding Titanium Spork Is the Ultimate Portable Eating Utensil [Spork] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- The Queen of Google: "I Do Code All Night!" [Google] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- This Week's Best iPhone Apps [IPhone Apps] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- DIY Star Trek Bluetooth Communicator Almost Makes Regular Bluetooth Headsets Look Stylish [DIY] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- Intel Swears That It's Gonna Stop Its Firmware From Bricking Any More SSDs [Intel] - November 8th, 2009 [November 8th, 2009]
- H20 Audio's Waterproof iPod Nano Case Is Built for Surfer-Videographers [Accessories] - December 12th, 2009 [December 12th, 2009]