A deserted Raratonga beach

Some vessels are large and loud, so I opt for a snorkelling safari aboard the small and simple Teking, which takes up to 12 passengers. We make three stops to plunge into the warm water to admire dazzlingly dressed fish and purple table corals as big as bandstands. Lunch is served on a desert island, a feast of yellowfin tuna, okra salad and fried plantain laid out in giant clam shells. All goes well until we near One Foot Island, where you can get a souvenir stamp in your passport, and the boat breaks down. There dont appear to be any life-jackets and weve run out of water. There is beer, though, and someone wryly observes that Aitutaki is where they filmed the reality shows Shipwrecked and Survivor.

By comparison, life on Rarotonga feels almost hectic. The hub of the Cook Islands is dominated by a rainforest-cloaked volcanic core rising to 2,014ft, with a sleepy coastal road uniting its low-key beaches and reefs. You can drive the full circle in 45 minutes, or there are public buses with signs that simply say Clockwise or Anti-Clockwise.

For a taste of Raros rugged interior, I join Pa, a bare-chested and dreadlocked local showman for a three-hour hike across the island. Its a hot and muddy workout as we climb up to the toothlike Te Rua Manga peak, and a perfect antidote to atoll-atrophy. Contrary to clich, the South Pacific lifestyle is not all lazing around in Gauguinesque poses something that becomes clear when I watch a rugby match at Raemau Park. The islanders play both league and union in this case its the first, a lively spat between the Arorangi Bears and the Avatiu Eels thrashed out in 33C heat, with post-protectors kindly sponsored by DJ Stockfeed.

The crowds are relaxed and friendly, and this is one of many ways you can meet the locals. Time your visit to coincide with the Punanga Nui Saturday market in the capital, Avarua, when islanders and expats set up stalls piled high with tropical fruits, coconut-oil beauty products, shell jewellery, intricately woven straw hats and leis, floral crowns worn as headdresses. Up on stage, schoolchildren perform traditional dances to preserve our culture, as the MC says. You can experience this in greater depth at folkloric shows known as Island Nights, staged in hotels and dedicated venues, but the one I attend is unbearable. Even when sung in Cook Islands Maori, Una Paloma Blanca is a dreadful song.

If you want fine singing and flamboyant outfits, go to church. Attending the Sunday morning service at the whitewashed, tin-roofed Cook Islands Christian Church in Arorangi, I find the congregation are in fine voice and sporting Ascot-worthy hats. Visitors are most welcome at the 90-minute act of worship, with some parts in English and a projection screen translating the rest. While the psalms and hymns are familiar, the exotic flowers and terrific multi-part harmony singing add an unexpected richness.

Afterwards, a Lynda Snell-type extends an invitation to the Calvary Hall for refreshments. There is no hard sell, and the room is packed with families in their Sunday best interspersed with underdressed backpackers grabbing a free feast.

Outside the sun is shining on the mountains, birds are singing in the breadfruit trees, and the once-mighty of Arorangi are at peace in their well-kept graves. I may be 10,000 miles from Blighty, yet here I am standing in good company with a glass of tropical squash and a plate of homemade ginger cake. Paradise has been found.

A Cook Islands woman wears a traditional flower leis

Cook Islands: Booking, hotels and flights recommendations

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Cook Islands: Lazing by the world's most beautiful lagoon