Four figures a man, a woman, and two boys approach Moses. They havent seen their son-in-law, husband, father since he went to Egypt to confront Pharaoh, but they have heard all about what God did for Moses and for Israel. Put yourself in their places. How must they be feeling? Do the two boys even remember their father? Do they worry that he wont remember them? Are they awed by the stories about their dad? Are they anxious, shy, excited? Do they not know what to expect?
And Zipporah, Moses wife: Has she dressed up so that Moses will be awed at her beauty, as he was when they first met? Is she excited? Is she hesitant? So much time has passed. Will she still know her husband or will they be like strangers meeting for the first time?
The Torah says nothing of any of this. We must fill out the scene, using our imagination to step inside each characters mind, reading between and behind the lines to their thoughts. All the Torah says is this: Moses went out to meet his father-in-law; he bowed low and kissed him; each asked after the others welfare, and they went into the tent. (Exodus 18:7)
Consider what this implies. Yitro, Moses father-in-law, his sons Gershom and Eliezer, and Zippora are all mentioned by name. Yet, Moses greets only his father-in-law, kissing him and taking him into the tent. Moses, it seems, turns his back on the others, leaving them standing there alone. What must that have felt like to his wife and children? How much pain and confusion must they have felt?
Parashat Yitro is often discussed as a Torah portion about leadership. It is a story about giving, and more importantly taking, advice. Yitro teaches Moses to delegate, proposing a model that has been emulated in judicial systems and institutional structuring ever since. Moses demonstrates how to begin to bring together a people around a new vision, as one society committed to shared ideals and values. The portion teaches many lessons about how to implement change and build a nation or organization.
Why then does it begin with this scene of Moses ignored family?
Perhaps it is because we all too often fall into the same leadership trap as Moses. Our lives are so busy and our responsibilities of such importance that we ignore the people we love the most. We are working so many hours that we miss family activities, meals, bedtimes, or weekends. Even if we are physically present, we are often so stressed and exhausted that were unable to emotionally connect. And when we are at home together or around the same table, we are still each on our own devices, in our own personal worlds. We place our professional obligations ahead of the needs of our families. We forget to stop and focus on one another.
Centuries after he stood before Pharaoh and with his people at Mount Sinai, Moses is deliberately sidelined by the rabbis who created the Passover Haggadah. Despite his leadership role, Moses is written out of the Exodus story and the redemption narrative as we recall it at the Passover Seder. Why? One answer is that our sages wanted to ensure that we remember that God performed the miracles of deliverance for our ancestors not Moses. At Passover, we are to focus on God as the source of our freedom.
But there may be another reason Moses is left out. More so than any other holiday, we associate Passover and the Seder with family. Since that first Passover celebration in Egypt, when the Israelites were commanded to gather to celebrate their imminent escape from slavery, Passover has been the holiday of family gatherings. Many Jews earliest memories include gathering around the Passover table, different generations interacting with each other.
Perhaps Moses is not at the table with all when we recall the Exodus because when it comes to matters of family, Moses is no role model. At the central Jewish celebration involving family, there is simply no place for Moses and the all-too-familiar leadership paradigm he puts forth in Parashat Yitro.
Our tradition makes us aware that there were not just immediate consequences for Zipporah, Gershom, and Eliezer in our story. There were long-term consequences for Moses, too. When we ignore our families, they arent the only ones hurt. We hurt ourselves, as well. Our rabbis make this point by taking Moses out of the story, giving him no credit in the Passover Haggadah for his leadership.
Moses family life is a challenge to each of us. Can we bridge the tension between our families and our work? Imagine how much more complete Moses would have been as a leader if he had been able to incorporate into his understanding of Israelite society the excitement, fear, shyness, and love his wife and sons were feeling. Imagine if Moses had personally opened up and shared his dreams with them, letting them into his spiritual and emotional life. Wouldnt they all have been more fulfilled? Wouldnt his legacy have been even more fully remembered and sustained?
May we each learn to appreciate and embrace the importance of our family, even as we engage our passions for our work and our leadership. So may it be Gods will and our own!
Read this Torah portion, Exodus 18:1 20:23 on Sefaria
You May Also Like:
Sign up for our Guide to Torah Study email series and well guide you through everything you need to know, from explanations of the major texts to commentaries to learning methods and more.
Subscribe to A Daily Dose of Talmud: Daf Yomi for Everyone every day, youll receive an email that offers an insight from each page of the current tractate of the Talmud. Join us!
About the Author: Rabbi Michelle Fisher is the executive director of MIT Hillel. She has also worked as a congregational rabbi on both coasts and served in the U.S. Navy Chaplain Corps. Prior to her ordination from the Jewish Theological Seminary, she earned a masters degree in Chemistry from MIT.
Empower your Jewish discovery, daily
Read more:
Parashat Yitro: On Leadership and Family - My Jewish Learning
- How to beat the virus? It's in the Talmud - Jewish News - July 12th, 2020 [July 12th, 2020]
- How Two-and-a-Half Tribes Ended Up Over the Jordan - Chabad.org - July 13th, 2020 [July 13th, 2020]
- Don't hide from the sins of St. Louis - America Magazine - July 13th, 2020 [July 13th, 2020]
- In Defense of King Louis IX | Thomas F. Madden - First Things - July 13th, 2020 [July 13th, 2020]
- Jesus in the Talmud - Wikipedia - July 13th, 2020 [July 13th, 2020]
- Learning From the Past: Reckless Jewish Kings Through the Ages - Algemeiner - July 14th, 2020 [July 14th, 2020]
- The Oral Law -Talmud & Mishna - Jewish Virtual Library - July 14th, 2020 [July 14th, 2020]
- The huppah - a beloved object of Jewish art - The Jerusalem Post - July 14th, 2020 [July 14th, 2020]
- Fast of the 17th of Tammuz: Times and customs - The Jerusalem Post - July 14th, 2020 [July 14th, 2020]
- Peter Beinart's one state solution sounds so perfect it's practically utopian - Haaretz - July 14th, 2020 [July 14th, 2020]
- No One Will Change Your Life Like a Teacher - Algemeiner - July 14th, 2020 [July 14th, 2020]
- 11 Thoughts and Sayings of Rav Simcha Zissel Ziv Broide the Alter of Kelm - Yeshiva World News - July 14th, 2020 [July 14th, 2020]
- Dozens of Jewish graves and tombstones desecrated in the Jewish cemetery in Worms, one of the oldest in Europe - European Jewish Press - July 14th, 2020 [July 14th, 2020]
- Death to Jews, swastikas drawn on gravestones in southern France - Forward - July 17th, 2020 [July 17th, 2020]
- Barbra Streisand classic Yentl returns to big screen at The Drive In - Jewish News - July 17th, 2020 [July 17th, 2020]
- Not all the statues need to come down - Forward - July 17th, 2020 [July 17th, 2020]
- Nick Cannon and several other Black celebrities attended Farrakhans July 4 speech - Forward - July 17th, 2020 [July 17th, 2020]
- Allford: Achoo! Sneezing through the centuries - The Kingston Whig-Standard - July 18th, 2020 [July 18th, 2020]
- Q & A: Making Up For What We Missed (Part XIII) - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - July 18th, 2020 [July 18th, 2020]
- The seed that is sown | Community And Lifestyles - atchisonglobenow.com - July 18th, 2020 [July 18th, 2020]
- The End of Anti-Semitism - Aish - July 18th, 2020 [July 18th, 2020]
- Eicha - the question that reverberates throughout history - The Jerusalem Post - July 18th, 2020 [July 18th, 2020]
- A Traditional Jewish Approach to the Problem of Evil - My Jewish Learning - July 19th, 2020 [July 19th, 2020]
- My article was controversial - and I talked to the haters - Forward - July 19th, 2020 [July 19th, 2020]
- Guestwords: Let There Be Laughter - East Hampton Star - July 19th, 2020 [July 19th, 2020]
- The Terrifying Feeling of Being Alone in the World - Aish - July 19th, 2020 [July 19th, 2020]
- Faith Leaders Demand Action From New York City's Mayor to Ensure Safe Reentry for Those Leaving Rikers Island During COVID-19 Pandemic - Press Release... - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- Revision 1.13 The Mishnah and the Talmuds | Dan Peterson - Patheos - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- What's the truth behind wearing face masks? - The Jerusalem Post - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- 12 Facts Every Jew Should Know About the 9 Days - Chabad.org - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- Musings of a rabbi in the period of pandemic - Jewish News - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- The Kingly Roots of Kitchri: Lentils With Love - Jewish Journal - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- We've got what it takes to endure these difficult days J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- Learn About the Holy Temple in Depth - Texts and Classes Describing the Holy Temple - Chabad.org - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- Nation of Islam posts Farrakhans call for Jews to ditch the Talmud & be saved amid Nick Cannon antisemitism debacle - RT - July 21st, 2020 [July 21st, 2020]
- Are Reports Of The Persecution Of Yemenite Jews Completely False? - Yeshiva World News - July 23rd, 2020 [July 23rd, 2020]
- There's space in the Jewish community for queer people. I just had to find it. - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - July 23rd, 2020 [July 23rd, 2020]
- Glimpsing The Beis HaMikdash - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - July 23rd, 2020 [July 23rd, 2020]
- Who Wrote the Bible? - History - July 23rd, 2020 [July 23rd, 2020]
- Judaism, baseball, and the drive for normal - The Jewish Standard - July 23rd, 2020 [July 23rd, 2020]
- Digital Archive Takes Talmudic Approach to Americas Founding Texts - Jewish Week - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- Hope is a power you don't have to relinquish - St. Louis Jewish Light - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- In the Talmud, God admits Hes wrong. Theres a lesson there about free speech. - Forward - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- The Pope who Printed the Talmud - Aish - July 25th, 2020 [July 25th, 2020]
- Love, community, mysticism: The intrigue and observance of Tu B'Av - thejewishchronicle.net - July 29th, 2020 [July 29th, 2020]
- A burning house - A universal lesson | Shahar Azani | The Blogs - The Times of Israel - July 29th, 2020 [July 29th, 2020]
- Talmud's solution to the coronavirus dilemma: Save lives, or the economy? - Haaretz - July 29th, 2020 [July 29th, 2020]
- Talmud and Midrash | Judaism | Britannica - July 29th, 2020 [July 29th, 2020]
- What is the Talmud? Biblical Meaning & Definition - July 29th, 2020 [July 29th, 2020]
- Redeeming Relevance: When Moshe Threw a Book Across the Classroom - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - July 31st, 2020 [July 31st, 2020]
- One for Israel exposes abusive teachings of rabbis, explains that Jesus loves and esteems women [videos] - Patheos - July 31st, 2020 [July 31st, 2020]
- The indomitable spirit of the Jewish people - The story of Yavne - The Jerusalem Post - July 31st, 2020 [July 31st, 2020]
- Preparing for Tisha B'Av During a World Pandemic - A 25-hour period of fasting and reflection begins on Wednesday night, July 29 - Chabad.org - July 31st, 2020 [July 31st, 2020]
- Even More Harm Than We Think - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 4th, 2020 [August 4th, 2020]
- Listen: Longtom on electro-shock treatment for Great Whites; Chas Smith continues his outspoken advocacy for kicking dogs. You see a good thick dog,... - August 4th, 2020 [August 4th, 2020]
- The Real Reason the Beit HaMikdash Was Destroyed - The Jewish Voice - August 4th, 2020 [August 4th, 2020]
- Why Is the Ketubah Written in Aramaic? - Chabad.org - August 4th, 2020 [August 4th, 2020]
- In a pickle, Seth Rogen tells Haaretz what he really thinks about Israel and white supremacist Trump - Haaretz - August 6th, 2020 [August 6th, 2020]
- Remembering The Wall (Part II) - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 7th, 2020 [August 7th, 2020]
- Tales Told to Tevye - The New Yorker - August 7th, 2020 [August 7th, 2020]
- Parashat Ekev: A different kind of theology - The Jerusalem Post - August 7th, 2020 [August 7th, 2020]
- First lesbian woman to be appointed to Tel Aviv's religious council - The Jerusalem Post - August 7th, 2020 [August 7th, 2020]
- Our community together apart - The Australian Jewish News - August 7th, 2020 [August 7th, 2020]
- Tyranny, loss and leadership: What's on MIFF's menu - The Age - August 7th, 2020 [August 7th, 2020]
- Even though your heart may grow haughty - The Jewish Star - August 7th, 2020 [August 7th, 2020]
- Adin Steinsaltz, Groundbreaking Talmud Translator, Dies - The New York Times - August 8th, 2020 [August 8th, 2020]
- A Personal Relationship With God Is Reachable if We Believe in It - Algemeiner - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- Berachos: The Key To Fearing Hashem - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- Delaware to require teaching of the Holocaust, genocide - Forward - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- Yeshiva Education - The Best of Both (OPINION) - BKLYNER - BKLYNER - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- Cherish the Small Comforts that Bring Your Joy in an Unsettled World - Jewish Journal - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- Mind Over Milkshakes - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- Why Is the Ketubah Written in Aramaic? - Questions & Answers - Chabad.org - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- The Survivors' Talmud: When the US Army Printed the Talmud - The Jewish Voice - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- The Life and Legacy of Torah Scholar and Prolific Author Adin Even-Israel Steinsaltz - Jewish Journal - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- As The Night Gets Longer - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 10th, 2020 [August 10th, 2020]
- Running a Jewish day school just got a lot more expensive and parents shouldn't be the only ones paying the price. - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic... - August 17th, 2020 [August 17th, 2020]
- Heichal HaTorah Bais Medrash Enters Its Second Year with 40 Talmidim - Join us this Zman! - Yeshiva World News - August 17th, 2020 [August 17th, 2020]
- A sweet and sour history of Jews and pickles - The Jewish Star - August 17th, 2020 [August 17th, 2020]
- Holy Witnesses - Torah Insights - Parshah - Chabad.org - August 17th, 2020 [August 17th, 2020]