What the Coronavirus Brought Relationships: Clarity – The New York Times

I feel like the party line has always been that everybody should decide, not slide into cohabitation, said Alexandra Solomon, a clinical assistant professor of psychology at Northwestern University and the instructor of Northwesterns Marriage 101 course. What I have realized with the quarantine is what a privileged position that is. Its a privilege to make very mindful, thoughtful, intentional choices about when to move in together.

Of course, involuntary home confinement and financial strain against the backdrop of a global health crisis do not add up to domestic bliss for everyone. Joel Velez, 42, was quarantined in Florida with his wife of 18 years and their four children for about a month before he lost his job, for which he worked nights, in a layoff.

For the first time in years, Mr. Velez and his wife were on similar schedules, but their new abundance of time together confirmed something hed suspected for a while. We seem to have lost any kind of common ground besides, you know, where we live and our kids, he said. Last month, Mr. Velez suggested they see a counselor. According to Mr. Velez, his wife suggested they split up instead.

Mr. Velez wondered aloud whether, if the pandemic had never happened, his marriage might have limped along for another 15 years, neither party ever rising to the task of asking for a change.

This whole quarantine situation has forced us to face the problems that weve been experiencing, he said. To stop hiding from each other through work, or through our different schedules.

Robert Falconer, 29, and Julie Fisher, 28, live in Calgary, Alberta, and when their city began to shut down, they, too, had to immediately address a matter theyd been putting off: They had been talking about getting engaged, but there was always just a little too much going on in their lives.

In mid-March, Mr. Falconers parents, who were living in Asia, decided to come and live with him. Mr. Falconer and Ms. Fisher realized they would have to forgo seeing each other in person for a while to minimize exposure risks for their families. All at once, they had to choose: throw together a proposal straightaway, or wait until they could be together in person again, whenever that might be.

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What the Coronavirus Brought Relationships: Clarity - The New York Times

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