I used to think I was your conventional regular guy. I just went along to get along. Now I find out it isn't so.

First off, I was born to Caucasian parents. Now I'm told, whether I like it or not and regardless of how I treat others, I'm a racist. And I'm being asked to apologize for the actions of ancestors whose names I don't even know.

I'm fiscally and morally conservative and otherwise a social moderate. By today's standards that makes me a fascist.

I am incurably heterosexual, and I'm having trouble understanding why some other people have a different orientation. So the gay lobby automatically brands me a homophobic.

I've always been non-union. That, I'm told, makes me a traitor to the working class, and big business has me in its pocket.

Although I haven't had occasion to shoot a firearm since I was in the Army half a century ago, I believe in the Second Amendment and in people's right to own and use guns in a legal manner. Oh, but no, that makes me a member of the vast gun lobby. But the fact I think there are certain types of weapons that don't belong in civilian hands, on the other hand, makes me a radical gun-control advocate. I'm in a no-win situation.

I'm a Christian. That means Muslims label me an infidel and those of an atheist bent brand me a radical religious nut who wants to impose my beliefs on everyone else.

I'm in my 70s, which makes me a useless old man.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture. That, I'm told, makes me a xenophobe (I keep having to go to the dictionary, too).

I champion the safety of myself and my family, and I support the police and the legal system. That makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes me a militant.

I believe in hard work, fair play and appropriate compensation according to each individual worker's merits. Today that makes me an antisocialist.

This list, by the way, is based on something I saw on the internet recently. That makes me a plagiarist.

While I'm retired from a long career in the news media, the gamut of real news and fake news and alternative facts being thrown at us of late leads me to question much of what the media is feeding us, even sometimes the mainstream agencies. That must make me a reactionary.

And if that isn't enough, some of my friends and I have been tossed into something called a basket of deplorables.

As a result of all this, I'm not quite sure who I am anymore. Things are happening so quickly that I'm having trouble trying to adjust my thinking.

And now I'm becoming afraid to go into either restroom.

Jim Baileys column appears on Thursday. He can be reached by email at jameshenrybailey@earthlink.net.

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Jim Bailey column: Caught up in political correctness - The Herald Bulletin