Surprisingly good solutions, falling in love and life in a materialistic universe

We live in a universe that conforms to what one might call reductionistic analysis: the behavior of the macroscale objects that we see around us (objects like people) can be explained by regarding those objects as conglomerates of simple building blocks called elementary particles which obey the same physical laws whether they are part of a machine gun or part of a dopamine receptor in your brain.

There are some highly counterintuitive predictions that this fact about our world makes: the physical laws that govern interactions between these elementary particles must give rise to parts of our lives that we don't usually associate with "physics" - such as feeling tired and defeated on a saturday morning, being in pain, or falling - and staying - in love. Furthermore, if those parts of our lives - parts that we care about deeply - are really just special cases of physics, then there is nothing stopping us from making them do more of what we want, and less of what we don't want. If our deepest feelings are ultiumately the result of the interactions of elementary particles, and we find that some other people around us sometimes seem to fare better in those most intimate aspects of life, then we have an opportunity: self-modification to make oneself more the person one wants to be.
The particular stimulus that jolted me into writing a blog post is this article (H/T David Pearce, Kaj Sotala) , which shows that there is a lot of natural variation in one of the most important aspects of our lives - being in love with our partner:
Suzanne Bernstein said she and her husband, Sidney, eat side-by-side when they go out, always walk hand-in-hand, and begin and end each day with "I love you." The couple from Weehawken, N.J., have been married 18 years and Suzanne said the relationship is as passionate as when they first met.


Now research exists to support her claim.

Stony Brook University researchers looked at the brains of Bernstein and 16 other people who had been married an average of 20 years and claimed to be still intensely in love. They found that their MRIs showed activity in the same regions of the brain as those who had just fallen in love. "It's always been assumed that passionate love inevitably declines over time," said Arthur Aron, a social psychologist at Stony Brook University and one of four authors of the study, presented in November at the Society for Neuroscience annual meeting in Washington, D.C.

"But in survey after survey we always have these people who have been together a long time and say they are intensely in love. It was always chalked up to self-deception or trying to make a good impression," he said. In fact, she said, the study found an advantage to the longer-term relationships she studied: The brains of those people showed less anxiety and obsessiveness.

Aron had conducted an earlier MRI study published in 2005 among 17 people who had recently fallen in love. He found that regions of the brain associated generally with reward and motivation -- the same regions that light up when cocaine is taken -- activated when the subjects were shown pictures of their beloved. These regions, Aron said, are not the same as those associated with sexual arousal.

If there's that much natural variation, one wonders what could be done with deliberate interventions? This is the real allure of the humanity+ endeavour: forget space elevators and jupiter brains. Think about the fact that falling in love is a physical feat involving both you and your partner's ability to secrete certain hormones, and that neither of you are the best in the world at it, just as neither of you are the best in the world at other physical feats like running the 100m sprint in world-record breaking time.
In the limit of extremely high technology and extreme wisdom to steer that technology to good ends, we end up with the so-called surprisingly good solutions - states of existence that are so good that when we experience them, we will be shocked that it can get this good, and outraged that we didn't get there sooner.
For the moment, the article offers the following advice for people who are interested in improving the quality of their relationship with the best technology we have today - self-help:

Keeping the Fires Burning - research has found that passionate, long-lasting relationships generally have several things in common:

  • The couple is not facing terrible "external stressors," such as war or the loss of a child.
  • One partner is not highly depressed or anxious.
  • Both know how to communicate with each other.
  • The couple does new, challenging things together.
  • When one partner is successful, the other celebrates the success.

Related Posts

Comments are closed.