The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Baby of the House – Vulture

She. Has. Arrived. In all her glory and with all her mess and all her weird problematic speeches about why she loves gay people, NeNe has arrived. NeNe has also decided that her strategy for this season is to remain completely above it all and spout faux-spiritual nonsense. There seems to be a lot of wiggle room when it comes to those spiritual beliefs. She is walking in the hands of the Lord and at the same time calling Cynthia desperate. Listen, Im not saying that NeNe did a lot in this episode or even that shes achieved moral enlightenment. The main tension for NeNe is if shes going to say hello to Cynthia. Thats her moral quandary this episode, and we dont even get to see if she says hello to Cynthia. NeNes spiritual advisor clearly works hard, but the Real Housewives editors work much harder. Lets get to it.

First up, we get to hear Cynthias side of the story. Shes out shopping for houses with Eva because Eva needs to move houses again. Her sperm donor ex seems to have figured out where she lives and her husband is a lawyer. Should she be on a reality show if there are this many security concerns? Lets show her house hunt on TV just in case.

We need to talk about this positively bizarre Atlanta house. Its a five bedroom house and every bedroom has an en suite bathroom. Wait what hold on Is that really necessary? You can walk through every single bedroom and find a full bath. Who is this for? Eva, maybe. Also, its $775,000 and to my Chicago real-estate mind, thats a goddamned steal for a completely incomprehensible amount of bathrooms.

After looking at the house, Eva and Cynthia sit down to talk about what is happening with NeNe and everyone else. Cynthia says that theres just no universe where NeNe is willing to be accountable or apologize. Eva also says that shes regretted not bonding with Cynthia sooner and we get a montage of all the moments where Eva shaded Cynthia. NeNe and Cynthia will both be on Bravos NYC Pride Float and it will be so awkward because that moment will be all about them. Cynthia is confident she can peacefully coexist with NeNe and there is no evidence on Earth thats possible.

Porsha heads over to Tanyas house for lunch. Porsha points out that Tanya has been half of the groups best friend and Tanya and her husband were Porsha and Denniss couple friends. When the conversation turns to Porsha and Denniss troubles, Tanya asks Porsha if this whole thing can be fixed. Porsha presents exhibit A: Dennis claims that Porsha wasnt emotionally available to him during her pregnancy with his child so Porsha shows Tanya a bunch of photos of them at their happiest. Christmastime with Dennis. Concerts with Dennis. Smiling and giggling with Denniss cheatin ass. Unavailable, where? Porsha wants to work on healing but she doesnt know if when she heals, shell be healing with Dennis.

Up next, Kenya is hanging out at home with baby Brooklyn. Can a baby have a chocolate-chip cookie? Her cousin Che, who is a Kenya clone, stops by for a little baby time. Kenya starts freaking out any time Che wants to touch Brooklyn and the freaking out doesnt stop once the conversation turns to her husband, Marc Daly. According to Kenya, Marc is only in Atlanta every seven to ten days and they havent had any alone time or alone time since the baby has been born. Marc insists on the baby sleeping in the bed with them and thats certainly getting in the way of any intimacy. Kenya says that shes starting to get jealous of how much attention Brooklyn gets from her father.

This. Is. A. Lot. When it comes to Kenya, its always a lot but things are starting to get psychosexual. So many of these women will go all in on a shaky relationship in order to have a baby. Kenya Moore should be pioneering genetic technologies to enable her to use the DNA from a hair from Beyoncs head to create her own egg-fusion baby. But because Kenya has bought into the myth that a man will improve your life, shes stuck with a husband who doesnt seem to think he should spend time with his wife. This also leads to Kenya asking her husband to rank how much he loves her and their daughter. Oh. Oh Kenya, no.

Meanwhile, NeNe and Gregg are getting ready for a video shoot with the American Cancer Society about their experience of NeNe being Greggs caregiver. Gregg tries to give NeNe a pep talk by telling her she did a champions job, which is what your dad tells you after the science fair.NeNe wont let herself cry because then shed be making it about her so instead she says shes ready to move forward with her life. Yes, she sent Cynthia a horrible text message, but shes in a different headspace now.

Well, in other news: Todd took his daughter to a strip club and thats somehow appropriate in his mind??!?! In addition, he repeats, If shes going to go, Id rather her go with me, which is not something people say about strip clubs. Thats what you say about drinking at home if youre a white parent from the suburbs. No one has ever said that about strip clubs. Theres no moderate strip-club use that Todd is trying to ensure. And if theres anyone on this show I would trust to help someone budget their time and money at a strip club, it would not be Todd. At the same time, Todd keeps lecturing Kandi about what she should do with the surrogate despite the fact that he took his daughter to a strip club. He is not allowed to give anyone advice about anything.

Its time for Marc Daly to stop by his wifes home for breakfast. Kenya is trying to swan around the kitchen, pretending to be a dutiful wife, but she didnt buy anything to cook for breakfast. Every time Kenya does or says anything that Marc doesnt like, he makes a face or complains to the baby that Mommy is so silly! I dont like any of that. Im not a fan of this man. Marc spends more time making direct eye contact with a 7-month-old baby than having a meaningful conversation with his wife. Kenya offers that a friend or her cousin can take care of the baby while they go on his birthday trip and he says that wont be necessary. A baby can come on their romantic getaway.

Kenya doesnt really phrase it elegantly but she says that she doesnt feel like a girlfriend anymore. Shes spending time as a mother (taking care of Brooklyn) and being a wife (putting up with Marcs bullshit), but she doesnt get any attention or care from him. She doesnt have any moments where shes Marcs girlfriend. So, how does Kenya deal with this tension? She asks him if shes his No. 1 or his child is. Oh. My. God. Kenya. Marc just pretends that Brooklyn can talk. This is not great.

The girls have made it to New York and Marlo stops by to remind NeNe to forgive and forget. Marlo is just trying to impress upon her that she should be polite, say hello, and keep it cute. NeNe says she plans on doing just that, but we all know shes not going to do just that. Cynthia forwards an interview where NeNe calls her desperate and weak to Eva.

So the time for the float has come. In the hot summer sun, a veritable gaggle of Bravolebrities swarm around and Andy Cohen stands watch. Hes never been more fucking ready. Hes even put Tardy for the Party on the float playlist. NeNe climbs on the float

To be continued

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Baby of the House - Vulture

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