(File Photo by Ryan Morrill)

I went for a drive to the park with my family. I asked myself questions I never thought Id ask myself. Should I have my window open in the car? What if that guy in front of me spits out his window? What if the guy in the car passing by with his window open sneezes? What about that lady on the sidewalk? Am I too close? I was sweating stupid sweat.

It was a gorgeous afternoon. Perfect. The kind I would have every window of my car open and the music blaring. I live for days like this, but the sight of two full parking lots as we entered the park filled me with dread. So. Many. People.

We drove around the park, and there were people everywhere. They were passing each other with less than 6 feet of clearance. Dont they know? Why arent they social distancing? Six feet people, 6 feet! If we get out of the car and go for a walk, will they ignore the minimum distance when I pass? What if they cough? I turned around and left the park. We decided to just walk around the block from home.

I went for a walk to the lake up the street. Every fellow pedestrian was now a threat. I felt like a cyborg tracking every movement of every human within sight. Plans were made to change trajectory if someone was coming toward us. What if we cant get enough space? What if, what if, what if? Thats all that was rattling around my mind. And we did walk pass some. We said hello. We waved. And people did come within 6 feet, and it felt like every molecule within me was screaming red alert. What to do? What to do?

You accept it. You keep walking.

And we did. We kept walking and took in stunning views of the lake on an amazing day. My kids panicked, not at people, but at a wasp that was flying around their heads. Old-school panic. That was good panic, if a little overboard on their part (but, hey, they hate wasps).

On the way home I started thinking about the level of nonsensical stress coursing through my body every minute of this family walk. It made no sense to me. I mean, I definitely understood why it was happening I am a recovering germaphobe, and here I am facing every one of those old feelings pouring anxiety into my system, fed by a worldwide pandemic. This was always just for the movies, not real life, right? But here we are.

My takeaway from this walk on this gorgeous afternoon was this were not going to be able to stay home. If I am out already, theres no way the public is going to stay inside on gorgeous days. We are outside people. We treasure the outdoors. Our nation is all about crossing borders into nature and life. And despite every fear I had about going out, I still did. Were not going to stay inside. Were not.

So the next thought is well, I guess were all just going to have to take our chances. I dont think the self-quarantine will work once the weather gets warm. I dont think you can pen up a free society that long. Were all willing to do it right now.We want to play our part in flattening the curve.

I had felt as though I could do this for months. One nice day in and Im not so sure. The call to the shore will be absolutely irresistible come late June, maybe earlier. I dont see how this will ultimately work. The panic thoughts erupt again which way will we go? Will it come to martial law to keep us home, or will we just open society and keep testing people, separating the sick as we go? If you get it, you get it. Some would live and some would die. And that thought is terrifying, too, because we would all think wed be on the living side, but some will not be, and we are already seeing evidence that this is not just an older persons problem anymore.

No, no, that will not do, so we have to stay at home and do our part for the greater good, for however long it takes to give our hospitals a chance to save the most lives. Into the great unknown from home we go, I guess.

So I went for a walk today and I heard a voice from Italy.

Hi, Scott. How are you? About what you wrote today going to the park I hope you dont take this as an intrusion. They have forbidden us to walk outside without serious purpose (like grocery, health issues or work). They closed every shop that doesnt sell food or medicine. Thats how bad things are here in Italy.

They are doing that because people cant simply follow one essential rule: stay at home. In Bergamo so many died they had to be moved elsewhere because the cemetery couldnt handle that many dead!

Sure, we have the second oldest population in the world, and we dont have such huge spaces as you do in in the U.S. We have a different health system (ours is having trouble with so many sick people in such short time). The quarantine is mostly for that, since it is a highly contagious virus. We need to slow it down and give time for our health system to make room for everybody.

Three weeks ago we had our last Sunday brunch out with the kids, and we thought the officials made too much fuss about a bad cold. Only three weeks ago, and now look at us.

I dont want to scare you. Well, maybe I do.Just think about it and please take care! Elena.

Scott Mazzella, author ofSurviving Sandy: Long Beach Island and the Greatest Storm of the Jersey Shore, lives in Matawan, N.J., and is a frequent visitor at his familys house in Holgate.

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Walking the Walk and Heeding the Talk for Now - The SandPaper