Because you have so little faith

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

Matthew 17:20

Recently, a close friend of mine, an astrophysicist and astronaut-just a really good person-moved to the Seattle area where I had lived for eight years in the 90s. I have a couple of friends who have lived there for many years, one a retired senior business executive I worked with for eleven years, the other a senior public service official I worked with for eight years. I have known these men for many years since, having numerous conversations with them, sometimes monthly, but certainly quarterly to this very day. In short, we are close.

When my astrophysicist friend decided to accept a senior executive position with Amazon he moved to Seattle from Colorado. I told him I had lived there and would reach out to my two friends to see if they could connect with him as a friendly gesture. No substantive expectations other than a perfunctory touch base. I sent a note to both men, copying my newly relocated friend. My friend then sent a note, reaching out to my two friends, copying me, closing the loop.

After three weeks of silence, I sent a note to one of these men asking if he had a chance to connect with the Seattle transplant. No answer. I asked once more. The answer I received: Im sure hes very busy with moving to the area. I know were busy too. In other words, Im not interested in reaching out to your friend: period. And dont ask me again.

Honestly, I was flabbergasted. My wife pointed out that I had really put a burden on these two friends and my consternation reflected more on my own bruised ego than the actual substance of the request. Perhaps there was a part of that. But my initial thoughts were that this was rather sad.

I ruminated about this much longer than warranted, I suppose, but I just couldnt shake it. I had been very close to these two friends over the years, extending myself many times. Furthermore, I thought if either of them had asked me, it wouldve been a no-brainer simply because they asked. So, I stewed over this for a few days, finally asking one of my closest friends, a retired executive vice president of Disney what he thought. His answer was quite instructive and exactly what I expected; not that I was a little crazy as my wife continued to suggest: Im concerned about your inability to let this go. She had said.

First, he was nonplussed because it was one of those things, in his opinion, you just do because a close friend asked. Second, and this is the larger issue, nobody knows what opportunities may have sprouted within the chemistry of bringing these people together. I do not mean this in any manipulative or strategized networking opportunity. Not at all. Who knows? The wind spreads mustard seeds. Some grow and others lie dormant.

My friend from Disney went on to list numerous times when he did, and continues to do, something for someone in this same way with absolutely no expectations and received opportunities he could never have guessed would ever occur. He speaks from the experience after 14 years in retirement and well into his own global leadership consulting / speaking company, with five internationally acclaimed books, multimedia platforms including his work with theAmerican Military JCS among many other companies and organizations. In short, he turns down three times more business than he could ever handle at 76 years old and going like a house afire. I thought: Why is it this man with so many, many accomplishments and years of experience leading thousands of people at Disney has the time and understanding to do something for a friend when my other friends just decided to let it go? Maybe thats a partial explanation of how and why he enjoys the success he has had over his career and continues to this day. Maybe thats why hes an exceptional leader and person.

I then began to look back on my own career, trying to find this same connection. The answer was just the Golden Rule I suppose. If someone asked and I could help I just did. No, certainly not every time. But many times. I liked people. I learned it from my parents. Its a gift they gave me that I so cherish. In fact, what success I did enjoy in my career came, many times, from relationships that sprouted from mustard seeds like this with few expectations.

My wife continued to ride me because I couldnt seem to shake my disappointment, chalking it all up to my weak ego. During this same time, I went with my wife to a doctors appointment. In the waiting room there was a TED Talk on the TV monitor about the top five things that prolong life. The number one qualifier was consistent social interaction. This I think is the essence of my dilemma. When I told this to my wife she said: Well, if thats true youll live well past 100.

Being a very private person, my wife has four of her own friends: me, her mother, our daughter and our son. Thats it. Why should I have been so surprised that she cant even begin to understand the power of a mustard seed and a lost opportunity? Its simply not in her genetic wiring. This is not an indictment of my wife, being married to her for over half a century. Its just her disposition. I know this to be true because no matter how many times I explained my thinking she simply could not understand what I was saying other than considering it to be highly self-centered and egotistical. My friend from Disney understood it before I could finish explaining it.

I think it comes down to attitude and temperament. In the end its certainly the obvious nice thing to do. But there is something else thats undefinable. Its being enthusiastic about people simply because they exist in this world and getting to know them is like opening a gift on Christmas morning. Two people can look at a piece of land. One can see nothing but dirt. The other can see verdant fields of beauty for a dynamic future. Same piece of land. Totally different perspective.

There is no right answer to this conundrum. Each of us sees the world through our own set of glasses. Ill rely on my own, which in this case, gave me a unique vision I trust: to keep spreading those mustard seeds. One of them just might move a mountain.

Photo: Pexels / Shutterstock

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Spreading Mustard Seeds - The Good Men Project