By INIGO NAUGHTY ZENICAZELAYA
THIS coming May 10th, Lord spare my life, will be my 22nd year as House Comic at the Jokers Wild Comedy Club, and as a professional stand up comedian, both locally and internationally. To God be the glory.
Sadly, I, like so many of my fellow stand up comedians, (people who I consider brothers and sisters, in the stand up comedy fraternity) have no place to perform and earn a living.
Dont get me wrong, the time with my family is priceless and I cherish every moment I spend with them during the quarantine, curfew and lockdown.
Im finally getting to make up for nights spent performing at Jokers Wild over the past twenty-one years.
However, after five weeks of lockdown writing coronavirus material, and not being able to perform and work on it live on stage, has got me antsy, like a cat on a hot tin roof.
So before I do a live show on Zoom, I decided to give you my loyal readers a private show in this weeks column, and Im quite sure based on some of your comments to some of my previous columns, you all will let me know, what to keep in my repertoire, and what to discard.
DISCLAIMER
Now before you read any further, please bear in mind the golden rule of comedy, which is -
What makes you laugh, also makes you cry, and what makes you cry, also makes you laugh.
Its just comedy, dont get your undies in a bunch!
So jump on in and get your laugh on.
DOMESTIC
If Minnis causes me to be locked down with my wife and kids, for one more weekend, it wasnt corona that killed me!
Dear Diary, day 13 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch today, apparently she is my wife. She seems nice.
How come the liquor stores dont have empty shelves? Doesnt the government understand that people will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?
HOARDING AND PANIC PURCHASING
To the people who bought all of the hand sanitizer and soap, leaving none on the shelves for others, you do realise that to stop getting Coronavirus, you need other people washing their hands too.
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, now when I pee I clean the toilet.
Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled last call at Waterloo.
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isnt about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
SCIENCE AND THE CHINA CONNECTION
Ah the irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
Dont worry, the coronavirus wont last long... it was made in China.
Chinese doctors have confirmed the name of the first person to contract coronavirus. His name is Ah-Chu.
The science community has figured out that the spread of Coronavirus is based solely on two things.
How dense the population is
How dense the population is
People with a cold - I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible People with coronavirus - I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago.
With all this talk of coronavirus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
SOCIAL DISTANCING
The coronavirus has achieved what no female has every been able to achieve. It has cancelled sports, closed all bars and kept all guys at home!
Social distancing rule: If you can smell their fart, move further apart.
Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19 is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.
Before coronavirus, I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.
They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received from the staff in the last ten years.
Having trouble staying at home? Shave your eyebrows off.
LAUGH NOW CRY LATER
I know its tough to stay positive when coronavirus deaths continue en mass globally and entire nations go on lockdown.
However, no matter how hard it gets, theres always a cold weapon known as a sense of humour.
So, even though its difficult to be positive during these difficult times, lets try to keep a smile on our faces and a bit of laughter in the air.
After all, what other options do we have?
Originally posted here:
A COMIC'S VIEW: Comedy in times of the coronavirus - Bahamas Tribune
- Golden Rule Plumbing, Heating & Cooling - December 19th, 2016 [December 19th, 2016]
- Golden ratio - Wikipedia - December 30th, 2016 [December 30th, 2016]
- Golden Rule: Treat People as You'd Like to Be Treated - January 2nd, 2017 [January 2nd, 2017]
- Rockwell's "Golden Rule" - Norman Rockwell Museum - The Home ... - January 2nd, 2017 [January 2nd, 2017]
- Golden calf - Wikipedia - January 16th, 2017 [January 16th, 2017]
- Live by the Golden Rule (pledge/petition/proclamation ... - January 19th, 2017 [January 19th, 2017]
- Matriarchy - Wikipedia - January 23rd, 2017 [January 23rd, 2017]
- The Golden Rule | Our Daily Bread - odb.org - February 1st, 2017 [February 1st, 2017]
- Golden LivingCenter Golden Rule - February 1st, 2017 [February 1st, 2017]
- Opinion: No room for walls in Gospel's Golden Rule - The Catholic Register - February 7th, 2017 [February 7th, 2017]
- Let the Golden Rule be our response locally and globally - Berkeley Independent - February 7th, 2017 [February 7th, 2017]
- Rev. Jeff Bobin: The Golden Rule - GoErie.com - February 7th, 2017 [February 7th, 2017]
- No Gods, No Masters: Live the Golden Rule - Dissident Voice - February 7th, 2017 [February 7th, 2017]
- Good neighbors and the Golden Rule - WiscNews - February 11th, 2017 [February 11th, 2017]
- Shock on The Voice UK as coaches break a golden rule of the show and meet rejected Blind Audition singer Ciara Harvie - Radio Times - February 12th, 2017 [February 12th, 2017]
- Health Insurance to Meet Your Needs & Budget | UnitedHealthOne - February 12th, 2017 [February 12th, 2017]
- Trenton man reminded of Golden Rule in wake of Quebec attack - Northumberland News - February 13th, 2017 [February 13th, 2017]
- Following the golden rule in times of tumult - College Heights Herald - February 14th, 2017 [February 14th, 2017]
- The Golden Rule of Business - Times-Citizen Communications - February 15th, 2017 [February 15th, 2017]
- A Fool's Golden Rule - Word and Way - Word and Way - February 15th, 2017 [February 15th, 2017]
- h3cz: The Golden Rule of Twitter - Dexerto - February 16th, 2017 [February 16th, 2017]
- LETTER: Living by 'Golden Rule' would defeat ISIS - Daily Record - Daily Record - February 16th, 2017 [February 16th, 2017]
- Motivating Your Team: Why The Golden Rule Doesn't Always Apply - Forbes - February 16th, 2017 [February 16th, 2017]
- Would golden rule survive if we were under siege? - Port Huron Times Herald - February 20th, 2017 [February 20th, 2017]
- Apply the Golden Rule to lift results - Business Management Daily - February 22nd, 2017 [February 22nd, 2017]
- 57th District It's the Golden rule: J. Central moves into 7th straight finals - The Independent - February 23rd, 2017 [February 23rd, 2017]
- The Golden Rule of Social Selling: Solve Your Customer's Problem - Business 2 Community - February 24th, 2017 [February 24th, 2017]
- From mushroom picker to deputy sheriff: Herc Avello relishes golden rule - Daily Local News - February 24th, 2017 [February 24th, 2017]
- United Way to present Golden Rule-Lightkeepers, Fabric of our Community Awards - Jacksonville Daily News - February 24th, 2017 [February 24th, 2017]
- Ron Forthofer: To live by the Golden Rule, we must recognize the 'others' - Longmont Times-Call - February 24th, 2017 [February 24th, 2017]
- Measuring life by the Golden Rule ... not a cellphone app - Bristol Herald Courier (press release) (blog) - February 25th, 2017 [February 25th, 2017]
- Apply the Golden Rule to immigrants - Statesman Journal - February 28th, 2017 [February 28th, 2017]
- Five golden rules to always be in profit when you invest in equities - Economic Times - March 1st, 2017 [March 1st, 2017]
- Email and The Golden Rule - Memphis Daily News - Memphis Daily News - March 1st, 2017 [March 1st, 2017]
- Is the Golden Rule Still Alive and Well in America? - Huffington Post - March 1st, 2017 [March 1st, 2017]
- Engineering's Golden Rule - Sourceable - March 2nd, 2017 [March 2nd, 2017]
- Golden Rule of Chaplaincy: Thy Shoes Matter - Boston.com - March 3rd, 2017 [March 3rd, 2017]
- Career Corner: The Golden Rule - Journal Record (subscription) - March 3rd, 2017 [March 3rd, 2017]
- Much to be gained from Golden Rule - Jackson Clarion Ledger - March 6th, 2017 [March 6th, 2017]
- OPINION: If only our institutions practiced the Golden Rule - Opinion ... - Nantucket Island Inquirer - March 7th, 2017 [March 7th, 2017]
- Biffy Clyro swap The Golden Rule for the Golden Can as they receive Tennent's Lager award - Glasgow Evening Times - March 9th, 2017 [March 9th, 2017]
- In the Neighborhood: A Meditation on the Golden Rule, Cheaters, and Prophets - Patheos (blog) - March 11th, 2017 [March 11th, 2017]
- Ferrari's Golden Rule: No Pink Cars - The Drive - April 8th, 2017 [April 8th, 2017]
- Letter: Remember the Golden Rule - Asheville Citizen-Times - April 8th, 2017 [April 8th, 2017]
- Remember the Golden Rules During ATV Safety Week - Legal Examiner - June 6th, 2017 [June 6th, 2017]
- The ATRA Golden Rule Warranty Program - June 9th, 2017 [June 9th, 2017]
- Historic Golden Rule Peace Boat on its way to Noyo Harbor! - Ft. Bragg Advocate-News - June 10th, 2017 [June 10th, 2017]
- The Golden Rule is universal - Montrose Daily Press - June 10th, 2017 [June 10th, 2017]
- Lawmakers should practice the Golden Rule - Times Daily - June 11th, 2017 [June 11th, 2017]
- Golden rule - Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette - June 13th, 2017 [June 13th, 2017]
- Argentina's national football team reaches out to The Golden Rule ... - Coconuts - June 14th, 2017 [June 14th, 2017]
- What Is the Golden Rule? - East Texas Review - June 14th, 2017 [June 14th, 2017]
- The Not So Golden Rule - HuffPost - June 14th, 2017 [June 14th, 2017]
- Let's give the 'Golden Rule' a try; it can't hurt - Montana Standard - June 14th, 2017 [June 14th, 2017]
- The Golden Rule of Online Dating - HuffPost - June 16th, 2017 [June 16th, 2017]
- Golden rule: Warriors beat Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 5, clinch championship - Arkansas Online - June 17th, 2017 [June 17th, 2017]
- Apple's Stock Will Treat You Just Fine If You Remember This One Golden Rule, Jim Cramer Reveals - TheStreet.com - June 17th, 2017 [June 17th, 2017]
- Anti-nuclear peace boat moors in Bodega Bay - Sonoma West - June 17th, 2017 [June 17th, 2017]
- At this water park, inclusion is the golden rule - Mother Nature Network - June 17th, 2017 [June 17th, 2017]
- Kiwanis Club honors students for following the Golden Rule | Local ... - Chippewa Herald - June 17th, 2017 [June 17th, 2017]
- Bishop: A Golden Answer to Every Problem - Florida Today - June 20th, 2017 [June 20th, 2017]
- Golden Rule Charter School - June 21st, 2017 [June 21st, 2017]
- The Three Golden Rules of Tax - MinuteHack (registration) (blog) - June 22nd, 2017 [June 22nd, 2017]
- Heimerman: Officer reminds us of the golden rule | Daily Chronicle - DeKalb Daily Chronicle - June 22nd, 2017 [June 22nd, 2017]
- REV. TONY ELDER: Be a person of integrity in dealing with others - Rockdale Newton Citizen (press release) (registration) - June 23rd, 2017 [June 23rd, 2017]
- Kids Learning Golden Rule Applies to Treatment of Animals ... - Noozhawk - June 26th, 2017 [June 26th, 2017]
- The Golden Rule of Online Dating Photos - The Good Men Project (blog) - June 26th, 2017 [June 26th, 2017]
- The Golden Rule Manila Bulletin News - Manila Bulletin - June 26th, 2017 [June 26th, 2017]
- A golden rule from Golden, CO: Please stop driving so loudly - 9NEWS.com - June 30th, 2017 [June 30th, 2017]
- Following the Golden Rule will help keep everyone safe while out enjoying the lakes this summer - Stanly News & Press - June 30th, 2017 [June 30th, 2017]
- Profiting from the Golden Rule - Valdosta Daily Times - July 3rd, 2017 [July 3rd, 2017]
- Sheriff's Tips: The Golden Rule - American Rifleman (press release) (blog) - July 14th, 2017 [July 14th, 2017]
- OPINION: The 'Golden Rule' in the face of a negative climate - Petoskey News-Review - July 14th, 2017 [July 14th, 2017]
- Golden Rule boat sails to Sacramento promoting nuclear ban | The ... - Sacramento Bee - July 14th, 2017 [July 14th, 2017]
- Promoting civility and practicing the Golden Rule every day - The Hill (blog) - July 14th, 2017 [July 14th, 2017]
- Golden Age Design Pops up at the Golden Rule in Excelsior - Midwest Home Magazine (registration) (blog) - July 14th, 2017 [July 14th, 2017]
- Is the Golden Rule Still Golden? - HuffPost - August 6th, 2017 [August 6th, 2017]
- Following the Golden Rule - Register Pajaronian - August 6th, 2017 [August 6th, 2017]
- Religion column: Follow the 'Golden Rule' - Daily Press - August 6th, 2017 [August 6th, 2017]
- Golden Rule Peace Boat moors in Monterey on voyage against nuclear weapons - Monterey County Herald - August 25th, 2017 [August 25th, 2017]