Nelson Cruz, Minnesota Twins. (Photo by Brace Hemmelgarn/Minnesota Twins/Getty Images)
Nelson Cruz just donned the greatest mask weve ever seen since Darth Vaders.
Cruz is a man, hes 40 and hes got a mask designed to take down the cyborgs. We know theyre coming because eventually, theyll get here and were not going to be ready for them. If The Matrix, Terminator and Back to the Futuremovie franchises taught us anything, it is the future cannot be trusted, especially when youre dealing with cyborgs. They dont care about your feelings at all!
Thankfully, Cruz is like Tom Brady and Paul Rudd in that he doesnt age. When these vicious blood-thirsty robots attack our planet, probably from within because some scientist will let them out of the laboratory, Cruz will be ready to go full-onBear Jew on all those stupid, idiot robots. While hes no Eli Roth, he does play the same sport Teddy Ballgame once did, so weve got that going for us.
It doesnt matter if your star slugger ghosts you ahead of a Sunday matinee or even your ace pitcher pops his Achilles on a nationally televised game on FS1, as long as Cruz has a bat in his hand and a mask like this, we know that we can beat the robots. We have to believe we can. It wont be easy, but Commander Cruz has our backs and will lead us to victory, one swing at a time.
If we didnt like Cruz so much and he wasnt wearing that sweet Dominican flag t-shirt, we may have been convinced he was a cyborg. You can never be too sure. Then again, he did walk through a bunch of fake virtual fans as the champion of real life he is. If he was a cyborg he would never be able to do such a thing. Its one of the few Is he a human or is he a cyborg? tests we have.
We care about the man behind the mask more than youll ever know, as Cruz is our only hope.
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Nelson Cruz has the mask needed to help us take down all the robot cyborgs (Video) - FanSided
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