Christina Cook had never heard of gambling addiction. But she was already on her way to being hooked eventually losing nearly half a million dollars and, almost, her own life.
In 2007, at 28, the Tulsa, Okla., native was separated from her first husband, grieving the death of her beloved grandmother and living at home with her mother.
Then her mom, with whom she is very close, had a heart attack.
After rushing her to the hospital, I went home to get her pajamas and stuff to make her comfy recalled Cook, now 43. On her way back, feeling emotionally taxed, Cook took a detour to Osage Nation Casino in Sand Springs, outside Tulsa. The flashing lights, friendly faces and anticipation of a jackpot gave her a jolt of relief from stress.
I sat down at a slot machine and won a $1,201 jackpot, Cook recalled. My sister was calling me saying, Wheres Moms stuff? But it was such a high.
Feeling shame mingled with euphoria, Cook returned to the hospital with her mothers things. They were all mad, asking me, Where have you been? she recalled.
That is when it all started to be a secret.
Gambling would become Cooks escape from her struggles with cervical cancer, a hysterectomy and grief that came from knowing she would never be a biological mother.
My friends all had babies, she remembered. I didnt want to listen to talk about showers and feedings, so I started going gambling Friday nights.
During years of intensifying addiction from 2008 to 2015, Cook, a lifelong people pleaser, became romantically involved with her boss, whom she describes as a narcissist.
He would tell me we were going out and then ghost me, she recalled. He always wanted to meet late at night. He was all about control, and he kept me feeling low, like I couldnt look good enough or get anything right.
She remembers being at a work auction where they were selling slices of strawberry cake, her favorite kind. It happened to be her birthday and she told her boyfriend she was going to get a piece.
He said, You dont need that, she remembered. But I got a slice anyway. Her boyfriend looked at her with disgust, refusing to sit with her for the rest of the night.
He did everything in his power to isolate me which, looking back, made it easier for the addiction to do the same, Cook said. Those machines had no expectations of me. I just had to feed them to feel good.
Her gambling addiction worsened in the years she was with her toxic lover, who refused to meet her family.
In the early years of her gambling addiction, Cook would often sit down at a slot machine (her game of choice) and hit.
She would bet a significant portion of her paycheck, about $300, on paydays.
At first, she had luck. Some nights it seemed like I was absolutely on fire, she recalled. Every machine I sat at, I won. People were screaming, Youre so lucky! and I started thinking, Maybe I am.
But she wound up pouring her winnings and then some back into the slots. The last few years it didnt matter what I won, I wouldnt leave with it.
The most she ever lost in one day was about $17,000.
I had started out with $300, she said. At one point, she had won $16,000 and $5,000 jackpots. I remember a casino worker saying, Youre going home with this, right?
She played it back in.
I walked out with $4,000 of the $21,000 I had won. I took the $4,000 back the next day and lost it plus $2,000 of my own money.
In all, from 2008 to 2021, Cook estimates that she lost half a million dollars gambling.
She borrowed from her mother and her sister in those years money she has yet to fully repay.
Her relationship with her twin, Michelle, became strained because Michelle co-signed a car loan for her and Cook fell behind on the payments. We had always helped each other and then I did that, she said. She couldnt trust me. Though she never once made me feel like she wouldnt be there for me.
The last tally of what I borrowed from my mom was $8,000 and from Michelle, $5,000, she said. The real numbers are probably higher. I would say, My cars broken down for the fifth time or Someone stole my wallet. Once, my mom said, You should win an Oscar because these lies are getting more outrageous.
She also owed $35,000 in back taxes, $15,000 in credit card debt, $7,000 in medical debt, and $3,000 in miscellaneous debt.
Her mother tried to persuade her to get help. She told me she wanted to be there for me when I hit rock bottom, Cook recalled.
But Cook was in denial, characterizing her gambling addiction as financial problems.
She ended her toxic relationship and met a nice easygoing guy on PlentyofFish.com in 2015. He got along with her friends and family. They got married. His acceptance, and kindness, were especially attractive qualities after her previous relationship; however, she was still an addict leading a double life.
He didnt question why we never hung out on Friday nights, she said.
In January 2021, crippled by debt and anxiety, Cook quit gambling cold turkey.
She didnt hit bottom, however, until March 6.
I had a bad day at work, she said. I blew my whole paycheck, my husbands paycheck, and everything we had saved in the bank. I placed my last bet just after midnight.
After I left the casino the morning of March 6, I couldnt see a way out and I was thinking of ways I could end my life so I wouldnt be such a burden to the people in my life, said Cook. Theres a big bridge that goes from the casino to my home. I was thinking, Can I drive off it?
I didnt really want to end my life, I wanted to end the addiction that had become my life.
I felt, Ill never be cured, Ill keep ruining my life, my familys life, she said.
She went to see her mother the next day, handing her the 1099s shed received from the casino for $5,000 she had won, then lost. (In the U.S., gamblers receive a 1099 for any winnings over $1200 even if they subsequently lose it).
My mother was happy because she thought I was there to pay her back, Cook remembered. I broke down when I saw the disappointed look on her face.
At her mothers suggestion, she contacted Gamblers Anonymous (GA). One of the volunteers took time to give me hope, she said.
She placed [her] last bet on March 6, 2021 and regularly been attending GA meetings, as well as weekly therapy sessions, and joined support groups on social media. Finding few resources for women with gambling addiction, she decided to recover out loud by sharing [her] journey and other womens stories on her podcast, The Broke Girl Society and starting a Broke Girl Society support group.
Cook also broadcasts a YouTube show with fellow recovered addict Brian Hatch, The Bet Free Life. She has come clean to her husband.
In her search for resources to help others, she reached out to Gamban.com, a company providing software to block online gambling sites. Its a resource she recommends as a good tool for people struggling with online gambling addiction, which is on the rise.
She wants compulsive gamblers, including women, to know that help and recovery are available.
Once youre honest, theres no guarantee people wont abandon you, but there is help, she said. Its about building a life you dont need to escape from.
Resources for help with gambling addiction: National Council on Problem Gambling hotline (1-800-522-4700);Gamblers In Recovery;RecoveryRoadOnline.com;GamblersAnonymous.organd, for online gamblers,Gamban.com.
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How this casino addict came back from the brink after nearly losing it all - New York Post
