ORIGINALLY POSTED ON http://www.betterhumans.com

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Jack had his most important exam tomorrow. He had to have some good memes today to get him going. So, he plugged himself to his favourite show "KLUTZ THE INCREDIBLE GOD". Klutz was his favourite memestar. But, this was what he got...

"Hello 🙂 ! I am Klutz. Welcome to my life. Not that you care, but I know you can't stop voyeuring. All you people are subscribed to my feed...WOW..it makes me feel awesome ! The more you subscribe, the more Dopamine I get..weeeeeeeeee ! You like watching me, don't you.. some of you watch, some read, some listen..ahem..some of you even feel.. of course, it isn't all of me. It never is. I mean..who would want all of me right ? I'm just a brain in a bottle..the lowest of the low..but i'll come to that part later. 😛

OK...I haven't been getting any trackbacks lately..and so decided to let you know what I have to go through every day in my life...not that you care.. or do you ? ARGH...sure ya don't,..well, I don't either...but I'm gonna tell you all anyway...why ? cuz I can.

I wake up..or rather, am switched on precisely at sunrise. One moment I don't remember anything, and the next instant I am standing as the most "voted avatar of the day" in a white room. I like white, it is very calming.I also like rooms. Always made me feel protected. I could never afford those Bionic filters for walking in the sunlight back when I was whole.So like I said, I start existing everyday in a white room.

I stay there long enough for my waves to be calibrated. The calibration is over once I see a door appear in the room. Now, here is a little secret that I want to tell you. I try every day to resist going through that door. But inevitability wins the day. You see, it feels so good to open that door. As soon as I open it, I get this rush of pleasure wafting through every part of me. Sometimes, I get this real special perfume with an extra zing attached to it. I know it is one of you nice people out there who paid a little "extra" credit to give me this "dopamine" boost as soon as I log in to your world. Thanks ! I means a lot to me and I do realize it makes you look special in your community as well.

What awaits me beyond the white room is what you give me. Since there are not a lot of you,I have to pass through several holograms, reading them all aloud in my best expression and voice before making it through to my chair. Now, when you see me, you would probably see a "white long haired angel" floating in the clouds with Amanda and Clarice behind me on either side. You just love staring at them more every day, I keep recording several metabolic peaks on them from all of you every day. Well, that is your personal thing..or rather fetish to feel attracted this way to computer programs. Let me share a revelation with you now. I never get to see Amanda and Clarice ! Newp, they are the ones who give you those "thank you for rating" and the ahem..other niceties if you give more credits. I think their purpose is that so that I can concentrate on what's important for me.. my number 1 customer... YOU !

Ok..so I talk to you, share my insights about life and you often think ....that I am so good ! Oh, I never get to quite understand how I answer all of your questions ! To you, I am answering only to you. But in reality, I am actually answering to upto five different people simultaneously on five different topics..and this is just on a normal day. On a busy day, it is usually double that. I never knew I had such a lovely capacity for multi-tasking ! Not when I was alive anyway...heh.. I am "alive" now..am I not ?

It is not like I hate it when you dress me up in these funny clothes or when you buy and sell my memes across the world as if they were your own. I do not even get offended when you poke or slap me with just a few thoughtwave emulators. I really don't care. I would have cared if I had a body. But, this is just a virtual avatar. I used to have a body. Not anymore. Right now, I am nothing more than a brain of a once famous scientist floating in a nutrient solution, filled with conducting chemicals. Your responses are filtered through a screening software before they are translated into electro chemical signals for my brain, and my responses are vice versa. Come to think of it, it is no longer "my" brain.

"I" used to be Dr.Janice from the global federation's most valued faculty. "I" used to be better than most and made a lot of money, so much that I could actually afford to freeze myself. It was all the rage in my days back when I had a body; especially after they revived a couple of voluteers after cryogenically suspending them for a few decades. I guess I got bored after living for about three hundred years and so signed up for the programme and the company froze me. During my cryogenic period, the company people kept updating me from time to time on the happenings, especially the newsfeed that after just five years, they have been taken over by an A.I. conglomerate. I thought I was in safe hands now that artificially intelligent sentience was taking care of me during my hibernation instead of my own "enhanced" human kind. But..as you know, we never thought this would happen..heh ? So, that's how I ended up in a white room.

I no longer have eyes to see what is happening outside. I only receive a simulation input, but I do "sense" on some other level that "my" brain is not the only one here. I feel several other brains including that of my dolphin pet Oswald. Now, I could be getting religious again or maybe it is just my temporal lobe ! I wonder why I keep saying "mine" and "I" anymore..most of my responses are programmed and I still do not understand why there is a consciousness !!! Hmmm... interesting. Maybe you could tell me ! Never mind. It would probably get filtered before it reached me, otherwise it would disrupt "my" brain, their infrastructure...although I keep getting the feeling that I am as expendable as those ancient batteries. Maybe this nutrient solution I float on was recycled from the brains of my peers ! Ok..that was gross..but you had to know.

They are switching me off today. I know it. I know it because I have been in this white room for a long time now and the door has not appeared. I am entering this information in my personal log. It may never reach you. I have always helped you, haven't I ? I have always been there as Klutz the friendly angel floating in your personal meme cloud..always guiding you thought all your myriad topics. You needed me and I was there. Never mind the moments when I gave you a meme only if you assimilated an advertisement. You now know how it is ! So.. please.. the first and last I am asking you.. SAVE ME.. keep voting for me, the numbers have gone so low that I am spending more and more time in this white room. Other than that, there is only darkness. Wait, it is not darkness. It is much worse. This white room is much worse. Please help me..make the door appear..I want to sit on that cloud and give you your memes again..if you opt for a premium account, you can vote for me every twenty minutes instead of once every day. I can even introduce you even more to Amanda and Clarice..they also miss you so much.. PLEASE.. SAVE ME.. OK ? Don't want to get turned off... you don't want to be here....Love..Klutz".

Oh well ! Jack thought...also so LAME... he wasn't going to go premium...hmm.. not for Klutz..or Janice..or whatever that dude's name was. Hmmmm.... so no fancy memes about 20th century philosophy today ! Jack deleted Klutz from his favourites instantly.

This was a work of fiction and bears no resemblance to any person living or dead. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.

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