Yes, the Apple Tablet is coming next week! But do you know what gets me even more excited? A new version of the iPhone. But how will it be different? Let's look at the rumors.

Will it be announced on January 27th?

While the original iPhone was announced in January 2007, a full six months before it was released, the 3G was announced two months before its release and most recent version, the 3GS, was announced a mere month before its release. There's no real reason for Apple to announce a new version of the iPhone months before its release at this point, and if they really are announcing the tablet on the 27th, there's no reason to overdo it by announcing both. The only way they'd announce it next week is if it was being released much sooner than anticipated. Probability: 20%

When is it coming out?

Yes, a new iPhone will be released this year. Foxconn, Apple's main manufacturer, is rumored to have already received the order. But when, exactly, should we expect to see it?

If Apple continues along the schedule they've stuck to for the past three iterations, look for the iPhone 4 to drop this summer. The original iPhone dropped on June 29, 2007, the 3G came on July 11, 2008 and the 3GS arrived on June 19, 2009. While there have been rumors about a new iPhone showing up in April, those are sketchy at best. The good money is on late June/Early July. Probability: 95%

Will it run on a 4G wireless network?

The 3G and 3GS both run on AT&T's 3G network, with the 3GS supporting the speedier 7.2 Mbps HSDPA network. AT&T is also working on its 4G LTE network, and some people think the next-gen iPhone could run on that.

It's unlikely. 3G networks were technically available when the first iPhone was released, but Apple held off until the network was robust enough to handle a good number of people before releasing the 3G. And LTE phones are probably a good six months off still, so expect the new iPhone to continue running on the 7.2 Mbps HSDPA network.

The good news is that the network is far from running at full capacity, so as AT&T beefs it up we should see speeds increase until the v5 LTE iPhone shows up in 2011. Probability: 10%

OMG is it coming to Verizon?!

One analyst seems to think so, and he also claims Apple and Verizon are disagreeing on pricing. Unfortunately, these claims are just his assumptions and aren't based on any solid information, as is analyst's wont.

The real motivation for Apple to bring the phone to Verizon is that AT&T's serious network limitations in NYC and SF have given the iPhone's once-sterling reputation a black eye. Add to that the fact that Android is starting to encroach on Apple's hype train, and you've got the makings of a good time to expand to other networks.

However, the fact that Apple would need to make a totally new iPhone to run on Verizon's (and Sprint's, for that matter) CDMA network is a big roadblock here. It's not insurmountable, however. Verizon would have to be willing to play ball (although they've given hints of that lately), and a lot would have to be worked out.

Our guess is that this is still another year away. After all, both Verizon and AT&T are turning to LTE for their 4G networks, which would make it easier to release one LTE iPhone for both networks. And we all know how Apple likes to keep its product lines simple. Probability: 30% that it happens this year, 60% next year

What processor will it have?

The sketchy source that claimed the new iPhone would be out in April also claimed that it will feature a multi-core ARM Cortex-A9, capable of speeds over 2GHz. While the source isn't great, this part of the rumor isn't out of the realm of possibility.

Another option is Apple using chips designed by PA Semi, their in-house chip foundry. There are rumors of PA Semi chips running the forthcoming tablet, and it would make sense that Apple would go a similar route for the next iPhone. Specs are unclear, but it's safe to say that it would be a bump up from the 3GS.

How much storage will it have?

64GB, probably. Both Samsung and Toshiba have some new 64GB NAND chips that are exactly what Apple would put in an updated iPhone. And the 3GS already has 32GB, so doubling that number is a pretty obvious upgrade. Probability: 95%

What about the graphics chip?

Imagination Technologies, the company behind the iPhone 3GS's PowerVR SGX535 GPU, recently announced the next version in that line, the SGX545. It has OpenGL 3.2 and Open CL 1.0 support, runs at 200MHz, supports DirectX 10.1 and can do HD output. It seems like a natural next step for the guts of the iPhone, unless Apple wanted to keep the product line simpler by continuing to use the 3GS GPU for another year. Another GPU upgrade would allow for more visually impressive games, just not on older models. Probability: 85%

Will it have video chat?

This was strongly rumored for the 3GS, but didn't happen: a second camera on the front of the phone, allowing for mobile video chat. Jesus wants it very badly.

The main argument against this happening is that AT&T's network just couldn't handle it, which is probably true. But it could be done with a Wi-Fi-only implementation. Then again, maybe it's just one of those features that just sounds better than it actually is; the idea of holding your phone up in front of your face at arm's length seems pretty stupid to me. Probability: 30%

Potential New Features

A High-Res AMOLED Screen:
The iPhone's screen is starting to look a little dated when compared to the beauties found on the Motorola Droid and the Nexus One. The Droid's screen is 3.7 inches with a 480x854 resolution, while the Nexus One sports a particularly lovely 3.7-inch AMOLED screen with a 480x800 resolution. Compare these numbers to the iPhone, which sports a 3.5-inch LCD screen with a resolution of 320x480, and it becomes clear that a screen upgrade is inevitable.

Furthermore, Apple filed a patent for a slimmer, lighter dual-function touchscreen back in 2008. The new touchscreens feature capacitors included in the pixels of the screen, able to operate individually, eliminating the need for a touch sensor panel overlaid on the display. This would allow the screens to be manufactured more cheaply and easily while also allowing for a thinner profile.

Whether or not the new screens are AMOLEDs or Apple's new LCD technology, the chances are good that the resolution will get a bump. The trouble is that all of the apps in the App Store have been coded for a native resolution of 320x480, so a lot of work will have to be done to get those upscaled for a higher-resolution screen. That's no reason to keep a last-gen screen on a new product, however, so we think a resolution upgrade is highly likely. Probability: 90%

A Stylus:
A recently-unearthed Apple patent shows an iPhone being used with a stylus with a conductive tip. The patent was filed back in July of 2008, however, so this seems like more of an ass-covering patent than a product-defining patent. After all, Steve famously said "yuck" to styluses at the first iPhone keynote. So the chances of the new iPhone coming with a stylus are slim to none. Probability: 5%

Removable Battery:
The same flimsy source that claimed that the new iPhone will be released in April also said we should expect a removable battery. This is highly doubtful. Apple has just revamped all of its laptops to have non-user-removable batteries, why would it suddenly do an about-face with the new iPhone? Don't count on it. Probability: 5%

Touch-Sensitive Casing:
This is an interesting one. A Goldman Sachs analyst seems to think that the back of the new iPhone will be touch-sensitive, like the Magic Mouse. This would allow for gesture-based control, like scrolling, without your fat fingers blocking the screen. This one's purely speculative, but makes a certain amount of sense. Probability: 35%

Wireless N Support:
This one is pretty obvious. The newest iPod Touch already has a Broadcom BCM4329 chip inside that supports 802.11n and FM transmission, so it's natural that the next iPhone would get the same thing. A recent job posting by Apple for a Wi-Fi software engineer just adds credence to the rumor. Probability: 95%

5-Megapixel Camera:
Digitimes claims that OmniVision Technologies, the company behind the iPhone 3GS's 3.2-megapixel CMOS image sensor, has won a new contract with Apple to produce millions of 5-megapixel sensors this year. This one makes sense, as the MP count (as well as storage size) is one of the most basic ways to show that the phone's been upgraded. Probability: 95%

LED Flash:
On the one hand, the iPhone's camera could be better, especially in low light, and a flash could help with that. On the other hand, cellphone flashes are almost universally terrible and useless. Nevertheless, there's a rumor out there that Apple has ordered "tens of millions" of Philips' LumiLEDs. Probability: 60%

Push-Button Antenna:
Apple filed a patent for an antenna that pops out like a button. This looks to pretty clearly them covering their asses rather than leaking new product designs, so don't count on seeing a big, ugly antenna button popping out of the top of the new iPhone. Probability: 5%

Spongey Dock:
This is another weirdo patent, one that in all likelihood will never actually be made. Probability: 5%

A Bumpy Screen:
Yet another patent that could be for a tablet or a phone, this shows a touchscreen device with a screen that "create[s] physical bumps or dots for the user to feel when it is in keyboard mode." Interesting! But also, merely a patent, and a left-field patent at that. Probability: 5%

All of that Project Pink/Zune Phone rumor madness is back with one statement by Jefferies analyst Katherine Egbert:

"Our recent industry checks indicate Microsoft will be debuting its own phone sometime in the next two months...We expect the new phone to debut soon, at either the Feb 15-18 Mobile World Congress conference in Barcelona Spain, or possibly at CTIA in Las Vegas one month later."

Egbert believes that the Zune Phone will be birthed from a Microsoft/OEM partnership similar to what we've seen between Google and HTC with the Nexus One. She also believes the phone will feature a 5MP camera and 720P video support—neither of which are huge stretches of the imagination. [AllThingsD]

That's right, y'all. We're back at it, and this time we've received some exclusive iPhone OS 4.0 details from one of our trusty Apple connects.

Here are some iPhone OS 4.0 features, according to our guy:

• There will be multi-touch gestures OS-wide. (Would make sense for that as the rumored OS for the iTablet is close if not the same as the iPhone)
• "A few new ways" to run applications in the background - multitasking.
• Many graphical and UI changes to make navigating through the OS easier and more efficient. We haven't had this broken down, but we can only hope for improved notifications, a refreshed homescreen, etc.
• The update will supposedly be available for only the iPhone 3G and 3GS, but will "put them ahead in the smartphone market because it will make them more like full-fledged computers" more than any other phone to date. Everyone is "really excited."
• The last piece of information is the most vague, but apparently there will be some brand new syncing ability for the contacts and calendar applications.

That's all we have for now! Who can't wait for next Wednesday?

Thanks, Lindsey!

BGR features the latest tech news, mobile-related content and of course, exclusive scoops.

Amidst my personal quest for a simple steam basket, I came across a serious steamer fit for any Giz reader, the Morphy Richards Intellisteam.

Yes, that's a backlit blue LCD you see, allowing you to control three separate steaming pods, each with their own steam controls (loaded with plenty of presets that make steaming various different foods simple).

Aside from all that practicality, the Intellisteam sounds like it performs dutifully, with instant steam, a visible water gauge, auto-off when water runs out and up to 40 minutes of food warming.

Making a meal for up to 4 people, the Morphy Richards Intellisteam is available now for about $160. Oh kitchen gadgets, how I neither need nor resist you. [Morphy Richards via Appliancist]

The Video Electronics Standards Association has codified the standard for the next version of DisplayPort, and the small, Apple-loving HDMI competitor, and it just got a lot more interesting. Like, multiple-monitors-on-one-plug interesting.

The concept of daisy-chaining multiple monitors on one DisplayPort connection has been part of the vision all along, but version 1.2 will be the first to actually support the technology—at this stage, up to four at a time, at a resolution of 1920 x 1200. On top of that, it'll bring full HD, 120fps-per-channel 3D support, a 21.6Gbps data rate, and bi-directional USB data, meaning that anything connected to a DisplayPort 1.2 cable could serve as a high-bandwidth USB hub.

And of course, VESA's already accepted Apple's miniaturized version of the port into the DisplayPort family and audio support is still present—albeit not in Apple's variant. In other words, no, the battle isn't settled, and HDMI hasn't won—even forthcoming HDMI 1.4 hardware can't hang with the next generation of DisplayPort hardware, if anyone decides to actually make it. [PC Authority]

Milpitas, Calif., Jan. 18, 2010 — The Video Electronics Standards Association (VESA) today formally unveiled the industry's most innovative and flexible digital communication interface standard for transporting display, audio and other data.

VESA's DisplayPort Version 1.2 is a comprehensive extension to the original DisplayPort standard offering many new benefits to the end user. Benefits include: double the data rate of the previous DisplayPort v1.1a standard (enabling higher performance 3D stereo displays, higher resolutions and color depths, and fastest refresh rates); multiple monitor support from a desktop or notebook computer using only one DisplayPort connector; the ability to transport USB data between a PC and Display, supporting Display USB functions such as a webcam and USB hub. DisplayPort v1.2 is backward compatible with existing DisplayPort v1.1a systems, including existing cables and the Mini DisplayPort connector.

DisplayPort v1.2 increases performance by doubling the maximum data transfer rate from 10.8 Gbps (Giga-bits-per-second) to 21.6 Gbps, greatly increasing display resolution, color depths, refresh rates, and multiple display capabilities.

DisplayPort v1.2 supports "multi-streaming" — the ability to transport multiple independent uncompressed display and audio streams over a single cable, supporting protected content and high performance applications such as 3D gaming. This enables the use of multiple monitors connected by cable in a daisy chain or hub configuration. Whereas the current Display v1.1a standard can support one 2560 x 1600 monitor at 60Hz, DisplayPort v1.2 can support two such monitors with one cable, or four 1920 x 1200 monitors. Many other combinations are possible, including multiple video sources, multiple displays (even at different resolutions) and multiple audio speakers.

Another new feature is the ability to support high-speed, bi-directional data transfer, allowing USB 2.0 or Ethernet data to be carried within a standard DisplayPort cable. For DisplayPort v1.2, the maximum data rate of this "AUX" channel has been increased from 1 Mbps (Mega-bit-per-second) to 720 Mbps, providing suitable bandwidth for USB 2.0. The DisplayPort cable can therefore support USB data to/from the display to support Display USB functions, in addition to sending the video and audio information. Standard Ethernet can also be transported in the DisplayPort cable.

DisplayPort v1.2 was designed to be compatible with existing DisplayPort systems and cables. To take advantage of the new capabilities, a PC will need to be DisplayPort v1.2 enabled, however existing standard cables can still be used, including those with the new Mini-DisplayPort connector. To achieve the 21.6 Gbps rate, the per-lane data rate is doubled from 2.7 Gbps to 5.4 Gbps, over the four lanes that exist in the standard cable. For a single display, this enables up to 3840 x 2400 resolution at 60Hz, or a 3D display (120Hz) at 2560 x 1600.

DisplayPort v1.2 also adds new audio enhancements including the following:
— Audio Copy Protection and category codes
— High definition audio formats such as Dolby MAT, DTS HD, all Blu-Ray
formats, and the DRA standard from China
— Synchronization assist between audio and video, multiple audio channels, and
multiple audio sink devices using Global Time Code (GTC)

DisplayPort v1.2 also includes improved support for Full HD 3D Stereoscopic displays:
— Life-like motion using up to 240 frames-per-second in full HD, providing 120
frames-per-second for each eye
— 3D Stereo transmission format support
Field sequential, side by side, pixel interleaved, dual interface, and stacked
— 3D Stereo display capability declaration
Mono, Stereo, 3D Glasses

"DisplayPort is a truly open, flexible, extensible multimedia interconnect standard that is ubiquitous in the PC, notebook and display markets and is rapidly gaining traction in consumer electronics applications," said Bill Lempesis, VESA's executive director. "DisplayPort Version v1.2 offers a complete set of benefits and capabilities that no other standard can provide. It is completely backward compatible with DisplayPort v1.1a and requires no new cables or other equipment, making it the standard of choice across the industry.

ReCellular, the world's leading recycler of cellphones, has launched Phones For Haiti—a relief effort that donates 100% of the value of your recycled phone to quake victims via the American Red Cross. [Phones for Haiti via Inhabitat]

In this Google-sponsored video by Patrick Boivin, stop-motion ninjas show us only the second unboxing that I can describe as "action-packed." They easily defeated the Nexus One packaging, but their arch-rival Blister Pack won't go down so easy. [Engadget]

As Mobile World Congress—and presumably Window Mobile 7—careens closer and closer, we're going to hear a lot more of this. Today's batch? Business and consumer versions of the OS, a sexxxy new name, and possible first hardware.

WMExperts' post is essentially a digest of everything they think they know from a variety of sources, including this very site. Even as a summary, though, it's pretty huge, and the rumors sprawl from totally ridiculous to fairly credible, so here are the meaty bits:

&bull Windows Mobile 7 won't be marketed as Windows Mobile 7. We sort of knew this already, since Microsoft has been marketing Windows Mobile and "Windows Phone" since the announcement of 6.5. But it's not even going to be that, apparently. The new name? "Seven."

&bull There will be two versions of the OS: one for OEMs and businesses, a stripped-down that's being referred to in development as Business Edition; and one media-oriented version for consumers, tentatiely called Media Edition. Business edition will be focused on enterprise tools, like collaborative document editing, while the media edition will be focused on, well, media.

&bull If we see Seven at MWC, it won't be a full product—we'll see HD video playback, a Zune-like media interface, and some of the rest of the UI, but not all of it. This sounds odd! But the rumor consensus is that the OS won't hit phones until late 2010, so it's plausible that they're just not done yet,

There's nothing earth-shattering here, and most of these rumors just prompt more questions. Perhaps the juiciest part of this whole mess, though, is the rumored hardware from LG and HTC. What's so great about the LG Apollo and HTC Obsession, assuming they actually exist? Well, seeing as they're supposed to be Seven launch devices, they represent the new baseline for Windows Mobile phones. And this baseline is high: WMExperts reports both have 1GHz+ Snapdragon processors, 3.7-inch AMOLED screens, and 512MB to 1GB of RAM. In other words, Windows Mobile 7's dumpiest handsets will be gutsier than anything you can buy today—something that will get less and less impressive the longer Microsoft waits to release this thing.

Anyway, if you're still feeling a little lost as to what on earth WinMo 7 may or may not be, WMExperts' breakdown is worth a read. [WMExperts]

I'd like to give a tiny Golden Globe to all the fine people who put together these incredibly detailed Avatar Lego dioramas. That's my kind of 3D.

Many of these are repurposed from older Lego sets, such as Halo and (gasp!) Toy Story, which in a way is an apt metaphor for Avatar itself, no? Either way, another win for the hobbyists! [Flickr via The Brothers Brick]

Even though the existence and announcement of the Apple Tablet is pretty much a lock for January 27, we still don't know much about specs or capabilities. But it might do gaming at least decently.

Apple invited our sister site Kotaku to the event as well. Not much, on the surface of things, but because details are so slim about the tablet, small tells give us a sneak peek into what Apple's engineers are planning.

Because the tablet's not a phone, both in terms of computing capability and input mechanics, people are going to be expecting more from its performance. Especially in the gaming realm, which Apple has been pushing hard in their ads for the iPod Touch and iPhone. If the guess that Apple will include iPhone App Store support on the tablet is true, it'll at least enough graphical capability to run those games.

But our guess is that we'll see at least an Nvidia Ion-esque solution (like the Nvidia 9400M found in MacBooks), supposing the whole thing runs with at least as much power as a decently specced netbook.

Who knows though—we could be reading too much into this.

While you never necessarily needed cable, the one gap in internet video service has always been the lack of live sports. According to the NY Times, Microsoft and Disney are looking to change that, bringing ESPN to your Xbox Live.

Xbox Live users can already access dated content via Netflix, but this move towards live streaming would be a major one towards killing off cable once and for all. Especially since it targets a dedicated audience (sports fans) that has significant overlap with Xbox Live's built-in gaming community.

The set-up would be similar to that of ESPN 360, which is already available from some ISPs. It would be based on a per-subscriber fee, and would include live streams of sporting events and possibly also interactive games that incorporate the ESPN brand. We'll update with more details if and when they're available. [NY Times]

There aren't many watches out there that can draw a crowd, but Geoffrey Cooper's "Geocentric" has that potential. The passage of time is represented much like the Earth revolving around the sun.

The rings, which are in constant motion, revolve around the face of the watch to display both the hour an the minutes. So far as I can tell, Geocentric is still in the design/prototype phase, but I think it has what it takes to be a great product. [Geoffrey Cooper via The Design Blog]

There's still nothing approaching normalcy in Haiti, days after a quake essentially leveled Port-au-Prince. Here, we see a makeshift power strip being used to rent out phone chargers by the hour.

Because even things we take for granted like electricity are extremely scarce, people are forced to share, ration or go without. Today's Big Picture has a collection of recent photos from the disaster, and they are harrowing to say the least.

The people of Haiti still need help, and lots of it. If you haven't donated yet, or have already and are able to do so again, I can't urge you strongly enough to give as much as you can. [The Big Picture]

Natural wood tables, a comfy-looking lounger and a big screen iMac. What a great home office...if only it used less periwinkle and it were in any way real. That's right, the whole thing is fake—miniature, in fact.

The room is from a dollhouse by designer Elaine Shaw. Her 3-foot, 3-story home model is called Clearview, and it serves as a reinterpretation of what we traditionally call a dollhouse—either wooden constructs of Victorian era abodes or now-canceled-but-4ever-awesome television shows on Fox.

With balconies, sliding glass doors, plenty of contemporary art and even digital accoutrements like Xboxes, I'm not sure I'm going to dust off my doll collection just yet, but I might use such facilities to give He-Man some R&R. [Metro via BornRich]

Remember the $1000 "I Am Rich" iPhone application? Well, here is another $1000 app that actually does something. If you are an aspiring lawyer, it might actually be a bargain.

How could a $1000 iPhone app be a bargain you ask? Well, BarMax CA was designed by Harvard lawyers, and it's designed to help law students pass the bar exam—so you know the information comes from a credible source . Plus, BarBri, a company that is well known in the industry for offering in-class test prep combined with a free iPhone app, typically charges between $3000 and $4000 for enrollment (they have also been involved in multiple class action lawsuits regarding monopolistic business practices).

The app is huge at 1GB—offering audio lectures, practice tests, flash cards and more—in short, everything you would need from a 2-month course. Obviously, the current offering is meant for the California bar, but there are plans to roll out versions for New York and five other popular states by the end of the year. There will also be a $500 version that features only multiple choice preparation. [iTunes and Barmax via TechCrunch]

Take a look at some gadgets we've only teased you with that are now shipping. A rugged and red Casio, an Olympus hybrid, an LG phone (with a butt), and an iPhone camera-mount shaped like a Batarang.

The Olympus E-P2 is basically a re-hash of the E-P1 with a few improvements. Most importantly it has a Continuous Autofocus (C-AF) Tracking System that follows subjects through the frame, addressing one of the E-P1's shortcomings. There's still no flash and—depending on your taste in camera colors—is painted black. $1100 may be a bit steep for this guy, but if you're into the whole retro looking Olympus scene then this should satisfy nicely. Get it here.

CASIO Exilim EX-G1, the quintessential outdoorsy-action camera. It can withstand an impact from seven feet, operate underwater at 10 feet for a whole hour, and has a posse of shooting modes for fast action. It shoots decent enough video—though not HD—at 30 frames per second, certainly not a bad deal at $300. If you plan on hitting the slopes this season or snorkeling in the tropics be sure to consider this bright red specimen—its color should also make it easy to find in whatever satchel you chuck it in. Though if that's not your thing it is also available in black. See it at Amazon.

The OWLE iPhone 3GS Video Mount certainly does look interesting. Seemingly designed with Xbox controllers and Batarangs as inspiration it's clearly a unique take on iPhone mounts. Whether you want smoother video for high-octane events or a video camera that allows you to pistol-whip somebody into submission, this could be the ticket. Available here.

The LG Expo is the little smartphone with a fat ass. That's because it has an optional pico projector you can click on the back to display images of your cat wearing pants at distances of up to 8 feet. In addition to the 1GHz processor shoved inside, this guy's running Windows Mobile 6.5 on a 3.2-inch touchscreen and has a 5MP camera. It's $200 on contract and an additional $180 for the pico. See it at AT&T here.

Maybe it's because I spent countless days glued to these things when I was a kid, but I must get Takara Tomy's new solar-powered, officially licensed Nintendo Game & Watch keychains. And their price is as tiny as their size.

Only $11. [Gigazine via Crunchgear]

I'm going to need someone to prop up my Apple Tablet while I drink coffee, so we need some more interns in New York City. But this time, we're lookin' for a few different kinds of interns.

Four different kinds, to be precise:

Writing Intern: Your main task will be writing posts, but with a secondary focus on all the other intern duties as outlined here.

Promotion Intern: Great for people who like to talk to other people. You'll be promoting our stories on Digg, Twitter, Facebook and other social networks. You should know how to angle stories a certain way, and be familiar with social networks as well as other major sites. When I say familiar, I mean you should read them and know what kind of stories they're apt to post.

Research Intern: You should be good at pulling together multiple forms of information from multiple sources for our editors. This includes online and offline sources and even calling up people to arrange (and possibly conduct) interviews. Mostly, you should have a good grasp of technology and be able to locate and dissect information fast.

Copyediting Intern: English. You should know it. And you should be able to recognize when we screw up. You'll be going through our posts as a copyeditor, fixing typos and correcting our grammar. If you're already doing this in your spare time (for free), you'll love this position.

All of these internship positions will still have the primary task of finding stories for us—so think of this as your secondary superpower—as outlined here. Look that over (click the link and read it first!) and see if you're qualified.

If you think you're suited for one of those four positions (choose one only, please), send an email to jobs@gizmodo.com with the subject "NY Writing Intern" or "NY Promotion Intern" or "NY Research Intern" or "NY Copyediting Intern"—whichever one fits you the best. No attachments. No. Attachments.

Remember, it's full time, you need your own laptop, and you need to be able to get to Manhattan daily.

Good luck!

Pay no mind to the vague, nonsensical App Store description for Fishbate: This app is about masturbating fish to completion. Or, possibly, to death.

How do I know this? How can I say with such certainty that the app's description, which claims that "shaking the slippery fish" is a "great ice-breaker", is really just full-on fish masturbation simulator? (Aside from the fact that it's called "Fishbate?") Cue the developer's glorious PR pitch, which landed in my inbox this morning:

Hello John,

I was wondering if you were interested in downloading my first app on the app store.
It's called "fishbate", and the goal is to masturbate a floppy fish. There are squishy sounds to coincide with the visuals.

I have tried this app. I can confirm these things: When you shake your phone, you are treated to a horrific, wet slurping sound, and as you approach the 50-shake "climax", the frequency of vibration increases. Once you meet the goal, the fish spews pale white liquid from its head (resident fish dick enthusiast Joel Johnson assures me this is called "milt") and dies, according to the ensuing notification windows. I can also confirm that, while you may laugh during the process, you'll feel pretty bad the second it's all over.

So, Apple, just to be clear: It's not OK to release an image browser app that can potentially be used to view porn, among other images, but it is OK to release an app in which you pleasure a fish until it ejaculates. Yeah? Got it. Fishbate is free until February.

UPDATE: Breaking news from the developer!

We are currently working on version 2 which includes Bluetooth multiplayer competition.

Come on. [Fishbate]

This is a very, very bad thing Lexicon did. And thanks to the super sleuths at Audioholics, they got very, very caught.

The Lexicon BD-30 is a $3500 (!!!), THX-Certified Blu-ray player. Unfortunately, aside from some slight re-branding, it's also a $500 Oppo BDP-83, chassis and all. From the review:

"When we received the player the first thing we did was open it up to get a look at the inside. Imagine my surprise when I found that not only did the Lexicon share the same boards and transport as the Oppo - it was in fact AN OPPO BDP-83 PLAYER, CHASSIS AND ALL, SHOVED INSIDE AN ALUMINUM LEXICON WRAPPER. As far as we could determine, Lexicon didn't change a single thing in terms of the hardware. Heck, they didn't even lift the boards out of the chassis, opting instead to cut out the bottom of their own chassis to accommodate the venting locations, and putting a darker blue filter over the Oppo's VFD display to give it a slightly deeper hue."

The entire thing is so galling that it's actually kind of hilarious... unless you're someone who just found out you paid a 700% premium on a Blu-ray player. Then again, why on earth were you shelling out that kind of money in the first place? [Audioholics via Consumerist]