Meet The Twenty-Something Childfree Women Fighting To Be Sterilised – Huffington Post UK

When 26-year-old tech reporter Holly Brockwell went public with her quest to be sterilised, she sparked a nationwide controversy and added a fresh dimension to Britains gender debate.

But the massive backlash from her media appearances was far from the biggest hurdle the now 31-year-old faced in her journey to ensure her childlessness.

ITV/ This Morning

The journalist says that for four years she was patronised, challenged and dismissed by doctors who told her she was too young to make a permanent decision about her fertility.

But Brockwell says sterilisation was the only option for her.

I dont want babies, she says simply. Society tends to see the pill as a magic solution, but theres not nearly enough discussion of the enormous effect it can have on womens bodies, moods and lives.

I dont react well to hormonal contraception, which means the pill, implant [and] injection make me ill and give me side effects no man would be willing to live with.

When a woman is sterilised, her fallopian tubes are blocked or sealed to prevent eggs from travelling away from the ovary to be fertilised.

Even on the day of her sterilisation, after her numerous appeals were finally granted, Brockwell says she was talked down to by her surgeon.

He was clearly, vocally against the procedure and spent what felt like forever trying to bully me into changing my mind, she says.

He even brought in a doctor from the IVF department to guilt me about how difficult it is to have a baby by IVF.

A year on from the procedure, Brockwell says she has absolutely no regrets about her decision to permanently end her fertility.

I just wish Id been able to have the procedure sooner. It would have saved me a lot of stress, illness and money for panic-bought pregnancy tests.

Holly Brockwell appearing on ITVs This Morning in March 2016 after winning her bid to be sterilised

Brockwell may have become the covergirl for this controversial issue, but there is plenty of evidence that women across the country in their twenties and thirties are also fighting to be sterilised.

A quick internet search reveals numerous discussion threads and thousands of articles around the subject.When The Huffington Post UK reached out to a support group for people who have decided to remain childfree, dozens of women rushed to share their stories.

Many of these young women say they have been ridiculed and denied by doctors who insist they will change their minds about becoming a mother as they get older.

Since the start of the millennium, there has been a dramatic decrease in the number of women sterilised in England.

While 35,300 women underwent the procedure in 2000/01, this figure fell by 72.5% in just ten years, with only 9,700 women being sterilised between 2010 and 2011.

Research has shown that this is partly down to the development of long-acting, reversible forms of contraception over the last 20 years.

Hero Images via Getty Images

Thanks to inventions such as hormonal implants and devices like the coil, women can now overcome some of the disadvantages of user-dependent birth control without making a permanent decision about their fertility.

But medical ethicist Dr Anna Smajdor from the University of Oslo believes other factors are also at work.

I am sure that doctors assume young women may want children and that it is regarded as pathological if they do not, she says.

In my experience, this is not the case for men in the same way.

Our society treats women as the primary, and sometimes the sole person involved in reproduction, and of course this finds its way into consultation practices.

Steph, a 31-year-old pet carer, certainly found this to be the case.

First rejected for sterilisation at the age of 26, her plea for the operation was denied again three years later.

Instead, they offered her boyfriend a vasectomy.

Although her partner Mark, seven years her senior, already had a son by a previous relationship, Steph told HuffPost UK the decision was a clear example of sexism.

She explained: It seems that as a man, you have more right to say that you dont want children - everyone is quite respectful of that.

For women, its as if we are all born to churn out children.If you dont feel like that, they give you more time until you make the right decision.

I have been with Mark for six years, but imagine if I was single or hand only been with him six months.

You never know what is going to happen in life, Steph added. I still have no choice over whether my body reproduces or not.

Thanasis Zovoilis via Getty Images

For model and blogger Faith Roswell, a lack of control over her own body was one of the most frustrating elements of her fight to be sterilised.

Finally accepted for the procedure in her late twenties, she spent a decade pleading with GPs over the operation.

I told my doctor: Im 28. If I told you that I had been trying to get pregnant for 10 years, you would be helping me.

Im now telling you that Ive been trying not to get pregnant since I was 18. I want you to help me.

If Im trusted to make one decision about my contraceptive health, I should be trusted to make another one as well.

Between 2000 and 2010, the number of vasectomies performed in England dropped by more than half (56%), down to 18,000 a year.

But vasectomies - described as simpler, safer and more reliable by the NHS - still outnumber female sterilisation procedures by 8,300 operations a year.

For doctors, a young woman asking to be sterilised can present a moral dilemma.

Professor Phillip Hannaford, an expert in female reproductive health and contraception, says: Its about trying to give people a sense that they have control over their fertility, but doing it in a way that doesnt have permanence at that age.

People get married older and have children at an older age now I think the average age of the first pregnancy is in the late twenties, early thirties.

People change partners and often want to cement that new relationship with children, he continued.

I can very clearly remember a patient when I was in practice who had heavy periods and wanted to have a hysterectomy. I said: I really do think you are young, lets try a bit longer.

She came back three years later showing me her new baby that she was really proud of and thanking me for not supporting her in that decision.

But Dr Smajdor disagrees.I think if doctors did not emphasise the downsides of sterilisation they would not be doing their jobs properly,she says.

It is difficult because so many of the emotional risks are contingent and speculative, but still, they need to be considered.

However, giving the information is one thing; having given it, the woman should make her own decision in the light of these facts.

HuffPost UK is running a month-long project in March called All Women Everywhere, providing a platform to reflect the diverse mix of female experience and voices in Britain today.

Through blogs, features and video, well be exploring the issues facing women specific to their age, ethnicity, social status, sexuality and gender identity.

If youd like to blog on our platform around these topics, email ukblogteam@huffingtonpost.com

Continue reading here:

Meet The Twenty-Something Childfree Women Fighting To Be Sterilised - Huffington Post UK

This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults – Huffington Post

There was once a time when deciding not to have children automatically made you a social pariah. And even as an increasing number of people are choosing not to become parents, the social bias against childfree adults persists.

Birth rates among 20-something women have declined steeplyas millennialsdelay marriage and having kidsin order to focus on things like education, career, personal growth and financial stability. Many others arent having children at all, and the number of women who have chosen to forgo motherhood altogether has doubled since 1970.

Yet many people still consider the decision to forgo parenthood as not only abnormal and surprising, but also morally wrong, suggests new research from Indiana University-Purdue University.

The findings, published in the March issue of Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, show that most people view parenthood as a moral imperative for men and women.

For the study, 204 psychology students at a Midwestern university read a short passage about a married adult and then rated their feelings toward the person and their perception of the persons level of psychological fulfillment. The only details in the passages that changed were the characters gender and whether they had chosen to have kids.

Childfree men and women were consistently viewed as being less personally fulfilled than those who had two children. This is likely due to the fact that the participants reported significantly greater feelings of moral outrage including anger, disgust and disapproval toward the voluntarily childless people.

Perceiving the childfree people as less fulfilled acts as a way of punishing them for violating whats often considered to be both a social norm and a moral imperative,according to study author Dr. Leslie Ashburn-Nardo.

Parenthood is a cultural norm and as with other norms, violations are not looked upon kindly.Research has shown that people who diverge from social role expectations often face backlash from other members of society for defying the unwritten social contract.

Through parentsand peers,people learn that parenthood is both typical and expected,Ashburn-Nardo wrote. Peoplewho violate social role expectations based on widely sharedcultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers backlash, suchas social and economic sanctions and sabotage. This backlashis justified in the minds of perceivers because the targets arethought to have brought it upon themselves by not fulfillingtheir expected roles.

Of course, the fact that childless women are widely discriminated against shouldnt come as news to anyone. Childlessness has been described as the final female taboo,and women who choose not to become mothers are often considered selfish or career-obsessed.Women are still expected to conform to gender stereotypes and are criticized and punished when they dont.

This enduring bias carries real repercussions. A 2011 studyfound that women without children suffer from poorer health, likely thanks to the enduring social stigma against childlessness. Childless people are also discriminated against in the workplace, being subject to less schedule flexibility and fewer tax breaks compared to their co-workers who are parents.

Other research has linked moral outrage to discrimination and interpersonal mistreatment, Ashburn-Nardo said in a statement. Its possible that, to the extent they evoke moral outrage, voluntarily child-free people suffer similar consequences. ... Exploring such outcomes for this demographic is the next step in my research.

Continue reading here:

This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults - Huffington Post

I had a vasectomy and I have no regrets – Why a lot of people are opting for a child free lifestyle – SDE Entertainment News (satire) (press release)…

Stephen Dimilo Ashers, director of emerging markets at Afriquest Research Photo: Courtesy

"If I had kids, my kids would hate me. They would have ended up on the equivalent of the Oprah show talking about me; because something [in my life] would have had to suffer and it would've probably been them." Those are the famous words of American mogul Oprah Winfrey.

And those are not unique sentiments; other celebrities like Cameron Diaz and Ellen Degeneres share them too. Step away from Hollywood and enter Kenya and you will realise that having children is also not everyone's cuppa too.

Stephen Dimilo Ashers, a 33-year-old director of emerging markets at Afriquest Research does not want children. His father told him that he would probably change his mind. "He says that it's just a matter of time and that it (the desire for kids) will come. My mother, on the other hand keeps on asking me if there's something wrong with me. However, my younger brother tells me that if I don't want to have children, then that's ok. He has a child- which he thinks wasn't such a great decision on his part," Stephen says.

Parents are often quoted saying things along the lines of "I always wanted to be a parent. Children are such a blessing!" Similarly, for those who opt not to procreate, it often is something they've always known. However, more often than not, it's a decision which stems from fear that they would make inadequate parents. "I probably knew (that I didn't want kids), when I was old enough to think about the responsibility of raising children. My biggest reason for not wanting kids is independence. I like to be a free soul. Also, I am a lousy teacher. I'm not sure I would teach them anything," Stephen says.

And while Stephen's decision might not be popular, he's definitely not the only one opting for a childfree lifestyle. While some have made the decision to not sire, others have gone a step ahead to cement their decision.

"I recently had a vasectomy and I have no regrets about it," says Kiarii Kimani, a 30-year-old popular photographer based in Nairobi. Having watched his parent's marriage crumble when he was 11 and the subsequent suffering he and his two siblings went through, he is adamant that his decision to be childfree is the right one, at least for him. "I think it is selfish to bring a child into this world and not be there for them. People who choose not to get children are not selfish. Career, life, and other issues influence the decision not to have children. Children are not a must in life and I don't owe anyone a child," he adds.

In African culture, life's trajectory seems to be clearly defined; go to school, find a job, get married, have children. But more and more people, especially millennials, are defying the societal expectation to have children.

According to the 2014 Kenya Demographic and Health Survey, Kenya's birth rates have fallen in recent years and Kenyan women have an average of 3.9 births- a decline from the fertility rate of 4.6 recorded in the 2008-2009 survey. While the drop in births in the country can be largely attributed to smaller family sizes, it is safe to assume those opting to not have children at all also contribute to the overall drop in fertility rates.

The decision to have or not to have children should be a private and personal one. However, it usually takes place in a culture which equates adulthood with parenthood. This is a society in which women are shunned or even physically assaulted for failing to conceive and bear children and men feel that their manhood is defined by their ability to sire children. In 2016 the world was shocked by the case of Jackline Mwende, a Kenyan woman whose arms were chopped off by her husband for failing to provide her husband with an heir. Additionally, fertility treatments are widely available- making parenthood possible even for those who those suffering from clinical infertility.

Because of these societal expectations, the decision not to procreate is often received with recrimination, skepticism, and disbelief. When Kimani informed his family of his decision, he was warned that he would regret it and his sunset years would be lonely. "My parents separated when I was 11 and got divorced when I was 18. I'm not particularly close to either of them and I haven't told them that I want to remain child free yet. I have told my siblings, although I didn't expound on the reasons behind my decision."

Stella Nasambu, a 30-year-old digital strategist, laughs at how her mother reacted when she learned that she probably wasn't getting any grandchildren from her daughter. "She had the classic African mother reaction...absolute horror. Then she had a mini prayer session right there in the middle of the kitchen! Now I try not to be offended every time she brings it up and questions it...because that's how her generation was raised. I enjoy more freedom of choice, while my parents had more or less a set path (in life)," Stella says.

Stella says she realised she had to make a decision when she turned 27. "I had a sit-down with myself when I turned 27 and soul searched for months about why I should have kids...not when. I looked at what I was bringing to the table as a parent to a potential child and realised that I couldn't possibly parent a 'normal' kid who would turn out healthy and happy," she explains.

"I feel that I'm not maternal in any way, shape, or form. I don't have the absolute grit that my parents had or my friends have to bring a whole separate being into this world and shape their lives. It's just something I've never invested much emotion or thought towards," she adds.

The common assumption is that those who opt to be childless are people who don't like children. However, that's not necessarily true. Stella considers herself a 'kids person' who is a cool aunt. "I take time to listen to my nephews and nieces and nurture them without pushing my views on them. Children so love and have boundless imagination so it's always a treat to hang out with them," she says.

Stephen also likes kids, albeit in small doses. "Two of my siblings have children, and I enjoy their company to some extent. But after a while, they wear me out," he quips. On the other hand, Kimani doesn't see himself as a 'kid's person' at all. "I am not a kid's person. I've watched my behavior around children and realised that I just don't gel with them," he says.

Vasectomy procedures are on the rise

Despite its efficacy, vasectomy is still viewed as a taboo with a majority of men thinking that undergoing vasectomy is a form of castration and that it makes one less manly. That said, vasectomy has also been gaining acceptance amongst men who already have children. In 2011, 3,652 men are recorded as having undergone vasectomy in the country. This is quite an impressive number, especially when you compare it to the 246 vasectomies recorded in the country between 1987 and 1991.

Kimani says that vasectomy is quite a simple procedure. "It was short and painless. I think it lasted about twenty minutes. I'd already decided to get it done 11 years ago, so I was relieved when it was done. I got the procedure at Kenya National Theatre during World Vasectomy day, November 18, 2016.

See the article here:

I had a vasectomy and I have no regrets - Why a lot of people are opting for a child free lifestyle - SDE Entertainment News (satire) (press release)...

What time is Parenting for Idiots on Channel 4 tonight, who’s on the show with Frankie Boyle and Sally Phillips and … – The Sun

Celebrity mothers and fathers discussthe importance of rules and discipline

THERES no instruction manual when it comes to raising children.

But as parents across the nation gnash their teeth and roll their eyes over some of their offsprings antics, they can take comfort in the fact theyre not alone in their quest to become the best parent they can as famous mums and dads share their experiences.

Channel 4

Despite their fame and fortune, even celebrities can be at their wits end when it comes to raising their kids.

And those that have yet to breed may be in for an unpleasant surprise as Parenting for Idiots will show.

Episode three, the final in the series of Parenting for Idiots is on Channel 4 on tonight. February 16 at 10pm.

The episodes will be available onAll 4 catch-up as soon as theyre aired.

This series from Channel 4 in which celebrity parents share their horror stories of raising their children.

From nappy explosions to trips to A&E, stars from music and TV share their experiences of being parents.

And for those that are child-free, they get the chance to experience the joys and realities of looking after a little one.

Tonight the celebrities talk aboutthe importance of rules, sticking to a routine and instilling discipline while comedian Paul Chowdhry is left in charge of a nine-year-old.

Channel 4

In the first episode, actress Sally Phillips talked about living with nits while comedian Frankie Boyle talked about how his children embarrass him.

Actor Stephen Mangan talked about dealing with changing nappies while childfree Made in Chelsea stars Jamie Laing and Mark-Francis Vandelli looked after a baby.

In subsequentepisodes, stars share their stories about projectile excrement, reluctant eaters and trips to the hospital.

Hilarious anecdotes are shared by EastEnders star Danny Dyer, chat show host Jonathan Ross, pop star Jamelia, radio DJ Lauren Laverne and cricket star Freddie Flintoff, to name a few.

And theres even an appearance by the late actress Carrie Fisher.

See the rest here:

What time is Parenting for Idiots on Channel 4 tonight, who's on the show with Frankie Boyle and Sally Phillips and ... - The Sun

Only One in the World: Pioneering NotMom Summit to Connect Childless & Childfree Women – PR Newswire (press release)

The conference is hosted by TheNotMom.com and its founder and chief executive Karen Malone Wright, the international expert about women without children. The blog is distinguished by its embrace of women who once dreamed of motherhood as well as those who never did. The inaugural conference held in 2015 was a resounding success, attracting women from three continents, five countries (Canada, China, England, Iceland and the USA) - and 18 states across America.

In 2017, more American women are childless by chance or childfree by choice than at any time since the U.S. Census Bureau began tracking them in 1976. Today, about one of every six women will never give birth, compared to one of every 10 women 40 years ago. Even so, mothers represent the majority of women, so for us, 'I'm not a Mom' is a common self-descriptor," Wright said.

"The tired old trope of 'selfish, childless cat ladies', doesn't hold in a world where Supreme Court Justice Sonya Sotomayor, British Prime Minister Theresa May, IBM CEO Virginia Rometty and media powerhouse Oprah Winfrey reflect the intellect, philanthropy and concern for future generations demonstrated by women without children every day," Wright said.

The theme of The NotMom Summit, Redefining Feminine Legacy, weaves through presentations by expert speakers from the United States and United Kingdom including academics, counselors, business owners and other professional women on topics ranging from financial planning to small-batch cooking.

Saturday's keynote speaker will be Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, the global support network reaching almost two million women who are childless by chance. She is author of Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children. A portion of event proceeds will be donated to The NotMom charitable partner, The Global Fund For Women.

"When you don't have children, you approach life differently, from how you spend your money and plan your life, to how you relate to your family and friends. And, thousands of women who aren't mothers - aunts, godmothers, teachers, social workers and others - gladly share their time and resources with other people's children," Wright said.

"At The NotMom Summit, both women who chose a life without children and those who didn't can enjoy the very rare opportunity to come together offline and acknowledge the shared aspects of their lives," Wright said.

For information on sponsorship and other partner opportunities, please contact Karen Malone Wright at Karen@TheNotMom.com.

The NotMom.com is a distinctive resource of news, commentary and connections for and about women without children by choice or by chance - one of every six American women with comparable numbers around the world. The NotMom is American in focus but global in scope, focused on the unique dimensions of life without children in a Mom-centered world. The NotMom engages and influences a growing community of more than 25,000 women age 26 and up through the blog, events and social online networks. The NotMom Summit, the only major conference of its kind in the world, brings these women together offline to acknowledge and enhance the shared aspects of their lives.

NotMom Summit Links: Schedule, Speakers & Tickets: https://notmomsummit2017.sched.org Discount Reservations -Hilton Cleveland Downtown: https://aws.passkey.com/go/NotMom

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheNotMom and https://www.facebook.com/NotMomSummit2017 Twitter: @TheNotMom and @KarenMW Pinterest: TheNotMom Social Hashtag: #NotMomSummit

This press release was issued through 24-7PressRelease.com. For further information, visit http://www.24-7pressrelease.com.

To view the original version on PR Newswire, visit:http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/only-one-in-the-world-pioneering-notmom-summit-to-connect-childless--childfree-women-300402277.html

SOURCE The NotMom

Originally posted here:

Only One in the World: Pioneering NotMom Summit to Connect Childless & Childfree Women - PR Newswire (press release)

Happily Childfree – Children’s Health Health Care Blog

Choosing to be Childfree

Childfreedom is choosing not to create or raise any children. Its about wanting to devote our lives to other objectives. For some that is their careers, for others their hobbies. Most childfree people recognize that parenting is a stressful, time-consuming and often thankless job, and wed rather do something else with our lives.

Making the choice to be childfree is not something that is chosen lightly. In many cases childfree people have thought longer and harder about why NOT to have kids than their counterparts have thought about why TO have kids.

To anyone considering the childfree life: dont have children if you dont want them. I dont care if everyone you know tells you that youll grow up and change your mind, that everyone wants kids, that all women have a maternal instinct, or that youll never get a husband or wife if you dont want kids. Dont fall for that! Trust your own instinct and be true to yourself. If you dont want those kids, its better to not have them.

Making this choice is not an easy road to travel. It means having the courage tobe different from most everyone else you know. Youll have to write your own life script, since the traditional one doesnt apply to you. You have to be strong, as you may face a lot of social stigma. Your family and friends might try to convince you to have kids and if that doesnt work, they might try to belittle you into it. You may have a hard time making new friends because most everyone else is having kids and thats all they talk about anymore. You might also have a hard time finding a spouse (if you even want one) because every year the dating pool will shrink as more people in your age group will have kids.

But its certainly not all bad. Youll have a lot more time to spend with your friends and loved ones. You will be able to nurture your romantic relationships more as well. Youll have more time for your education and career. Youll also have more time for hobbies, travel and learning. Trust me, its going to be a lot of fun!

Most importantly, youll have more time to spend on yourself, and finding out who you really are and what you really want out of life; what you believe in and what you dont. When people ask you who you are and what you do, you will have to come up with a better answer than the old standby of, Well, Im a mommy. But thats what makes us more thoughtful and creative. Weve taken the time to find out who we really are, rather than just fall into the stereotypical roles.

Fencesitters

If you havent decided yet if you want kids, or if you are in a fencesitter relationship (one of you wants kids and one doesnt), check out the Fencesitterspage.

Childfree People

If you choose to search out other childfree people on the net or in real life, youll find that outside of not wanting children, were all very different. Some people are childfree, some are fencesitters, and some are childless. Some love children but just dont want their own, some dont care to be around children and some hate them.Some are rich, some are comfortable and some are barely making ends meet. Some had bad childhoods, some had ideal childhoods. Childfree people are a very different and diverse group who have one thing in common: the desire to never have children.

I wont apologize for people who hate children. There is a big difference between people who hate something and people who harm them. Most likely they hate being AROUND children more than they hate the children themselves, but I wont speak for them. But if you stop to think about it, most people who harm children are parents themselves, not childfree people.

I myself strongly dislike most children. I dont hate them, but I generally dont like them or enjoy being around them. Most of that has to do with the behavior of children today, not with the mere fact that they are children.

Childfree Lingo

Some people find the words childfree people use to be offensive. I can appreciate that, but I think if people need to use it to blow off some steam in childfree groups, let them. Whats it really hurting, anyway? I have yet to see a childfree person actually walk up to someone with kids and start calling them these names in public. Sticks and stones, people, especially when its behind your back and not to your face. If the only way some people can vent their anger is through using a few mildly offensive words on a childfree message board, just let it go. Words and actions are completely different things.

I liken it to going home and ranting to your spouse about something stupid your coworkers did. Who hasnt done that? You might even get along (mostly) with your coworkers, but sometimes theyll drive you nuts. You go home, say to your spouse, Jennifer is the biggest moron on the planet! You know what she did today? Its just blowing off steam.

I do not and would not encourage anyone to use these words in public or to someones face. That wouldnt serve any purpose at all.

Formerly Childfree

Personally, I dont believe there is any such thing as I USED to be childfree most of us find that it offensive when people make this claim. Many of us have fought way too long to be taken seriously in our choice, and all the non-childfree people who claim they used to be childfree just discredit us. Please dont take them seriously.

As far as Im concerned, if you changed your mind, you were never really childfree to begin with. At best you were a fence sitter (someone not sure if they want kids or not) and at worst you are just a poser who, at the time, wanted to fit in with your childfree friends.

I realize saying that could alienate some people, but thats the breaks. The way I see it, if youd been really happy being childfree, you wouldnt have changed your mind. And if you werent really happy being childfree, how could you have really *been* childfree? To me it looks more like you were pre-childed, or childless at that time.

Ive been around the childfree community to know there are some people who are really, truly childfree (i.e. never had any desire to have kids, not the tiniest bit, we could never imagine having them AT ALL), and there are others who dont have kids for whatever reason but arent as adamant about it and might change their minds.Im not trying to play CFer than Thou or anything. My point is that if someone changes their mind, they were ever one of the No Way, No How, Never group of childfree.

Since occasionally Ive been asked to elaborate, here are some examples. You are free to agree or disagree with them, Im just stating what Ive observed: Some are childless who learned to accept it, but if by a miracle they found themselves pregnant, they would probably want to keep it. Some people are on the fence or in a fencesitter relationship but if one or the other partner changed their minds, theyd have a kid. Some people never really got the opportunity to have kids because they didnt want to do it alone, but never had a really serious relationship to have kids in but if they got into that kind of relationship, they might have kids. It happens. Some people would have kids if they were in a different situation (say they could afford to), but for now (and maybe forever) are accepting the fact that they wont have them. Some people just want a group to fit into and later, if their friend-group changes, theyd want a kid to fit in with that group (Ive certainly known a couple of people like that).

Let me stress again that I dont mind anyone who I might deem not truly childfree hanging around childfree boards or social groups. My only requirements for childfree groups is that a) no one get offended at every little thing childfree people say, b) if they have/want kids, dont talk about them, and c) participate in activities without kids. My whole point is that if you hear someone claim they USED to be childfree, they probably fell into one of those groups, and the truth is, they hung out with childfree people, but werent really childfree themselves.

And dont forget there are posers who hang in the childfree community because they regret their kids, or they want to try and discredit the childfree community by posting inflammatory stuff so they can run back to their parenting boards and say, Look what some evil childfree person wrote! And those posers just as likely to pose as formerly childfree, too.

What it all boils down to is this: When I tell people Im childfree, I often get, My sister used to be childfree, too! She changed her mind and so will you! Thats not fair. Her sister really wasnt childfree. I AM. Im not going to change my mind and I dont appreciate her sister making it harder for the rest of us.

So what are the benefits of being childfree?

Its good you asked, because I wasted a lot of time making an amusing page just for that. Benefits of Childfreedom

So why are YOU childfree, Phoena?

I have never had the desire to have kids. Ever. Just like I have never had the desire to have a formal wedding, be a lawyer, or do drugs. I have zero interest in any of that. You could list the benefits all day long of how wonderful formal weddings are, great job perks of being a lawyer, or how doing drugs has made your life grand, but I still have no desire to do it. Go ahead and do those things if you want to. I just dont see the point of doing those things.

My childfree mantra is:

I would not like them in a box. I would not like them with a fox. I would not like them in a house. I would not like them with a mouse. I would not like kids here or there. I would not like them anywhere!!

But the real question isnt, Why dont you want kids? but rather, Why the heck do you care, anyway?

Read this article:

Happily Childfree - Children's Health Health Care Blog

Why No Kids – We’re childfree and happy. You could be too!

Props to Jesse Nichols(@HappyNinjaUX) for reminding parents that childfree adults indeed childfree couples dont hate children. Not necessarily. Not in his case, at least, nor in my case. Kids have been (and will continue to be) an important part of my life. As a teacher, coach, advisor, uncle, friend, and unabashed man-child, children []

At 29, female and happily married, there is one question I despise more than all others. Its the dreaded, When are you going to have kids? People always throw it in there casually, too. Usually between such innocuous questions as, Hows your mother? or, Wheres the bathroom? Just as Im getting comfortable in a conversation, []

How tinted do your grievance glasses have to be to see a bias TOWARDS parents in todays economy? Im sorry, employers value parents? []Trying to work and raisechildren at the same time in this country is exhausting and expensive No wonder parents are miserableBut most of the issues articulated in thisFortunepiece are work-life balance issues, []

Since the 1970s, being childfree not wanting children has slowly become more recognized as a legitimate choice[but]we still have a ways to go when it comes to society accepting those with no children without judgment or stigma. This lack of acceptance has played out in the workplace. (Source: The Brutal Truth About Being []

Childfree articles in the press usually get a lot of below-the-line debate. Lilit Marcus, writing for The Guardian about some of the factors behind her decision to remain childfree, definitely stirred the pot last week. Some didnt bother disguising their vitriol, but Ive discovered that theres a new passive-aggressive approach on the block. This approach []

Read the original:

Why No Kids - We're childfree and happy. You could be too!

Mommyjacking The Childfree Life – STFU Parents

If I had to pick one subject thats emblematic of STFU, Parents, it would probably be mommyjacking. Nothing makes a person want to shatter a windshield more than a good mommyjacking round-up, especially when the examples surround people who are childfree. Weve examined this phenomenon before with posts like Have a Kid! and Wait Til You Have Kids,yet parents continue to bully, patronize, and generally annoy the living shit out of their friends by making weird parenting-related comments at the dumbest and/or worst of times.

This much is clear not just in my inbox, but on newsstands, too. Take a look at the TIME magazine cover storyThe Childfree Life,which inspired a lot of conversation online as well asmy new Mommyish columnand this post. The media will never stop comparing childfree/childless people and parents something I canpersonallyattest to even though the subject is suuuper boring, and its still as irritating as ever (if not more so) when parents condescend to their friends just for not having kids. Whats the point? Cant we all just get along?? Lets check out some more examples of parents mommyjacking their selfish, clueless, and unimpressive non-parent friends:

1. Congratulations, You Dont KnowShit

Its taken a few years, but Zoeys comment might trumpthis mommyjackingin its display of earnest assholishness, which is a real feat. Congratulations on being the yin to Karas yang, Zoey. The world stays balanced because of people like you.

2. Nursejacking

Adriennes cryptic-sounding status update isnt so cryptic to her Facebook friends, who know shes been working toward becoming a nurse for some time now. That said, becoming a nurse cant really compare to becoming a mom, PLUS nurses get paid! What kind of BS is that? Pay nurses for knowing how to treat a stab wound to the trachea, but dont pay moms for doing almost the exact same thing? Thats called discrimination.

3. The Dog/Baby Void

Oh,dog people.When will they ever learn that you can never fill a baby void with dogs. German Shepherds, English Bulldogs, pitbull-Jack Russell-terrier muttsthe list goes on and on. You can try to fit as many as 100 beautiful rescue pups into that baby-shaped void, but NOTHING will fill it like a human baby. Its like trying to fit a St. Bernardinto a Baby Bjorn. Not gonna happen.

4. Sun-kiss That Tan Goodbye

Aww, you got engaged andyourso tan! Really adorable considering you have no ideawhat will happen once kids enter the picture..LOL hope you had fun with THAT. Ask yourself one question: Have you ever met a mother whose tan is even? LOL thats what I thought!! Sucker. Just wait. 🙂

5. Enjoy those days

Im considering staging an Apostrophe Intervention because my eyes are so tired of reading plural words with apostrophes. For the love of god, if youre going to mommyjack, do it with some class. Or, heres a thought: Dont do it at all, because it leads to comment threads like this one.First, Red pops in with the old, Holy shit, NOON???, which I can actually understand from a (non-parent) parents perspective. From there, however, it goes from patronizing doll days to Ugh. Ditto on the kids. which is *kind of*another way of saying, Bitch, please.

Ultimately, sleep is a parent vs. non-parent battle that will never be won. As much as it sucks that parents parents never get to sleep in, its also sucky to begrudge a friend who doesnt have kids for doing so. Dont hate the sleeper, hate the nap. Or the wailing child whos keeping you up. You know what I mean.

Dont forget to check out my new column'How Not To Mommyjack Your Childfriend Friendsover on Mommyish!

(submitted by Anonymous)

Continued here:

Mommyjacking The Childfree Life - STFU Parents

Jillian Michaels – Scary Mommy

I remember being tired before I had kids. It sucked. I was so tired!

Then I had a baby, and I got even more tired. I mean, I dont know how much more tired Iwaswith a kidthan I used to be, or if I was moretired than my childfree friends have ever or will ever be, but I definitely feltmore tired most days than Iremember feelingback then. To make matters worse,I had to keep my kid alive while being this insane new level of tired.

The tiredness just kept growing, exponentially. I just had my second baby. The tiredness hasnt stopped. It never will.

But I shouldnt say that out loud. And I definitely shouldnt say it online. Fitness guru and mom Jillian Michaels found that out the hard way when she posted what she probably thought was a harmless parenting meme about being exhausted. Unfortunately, in todays landscape of instant outrage, nothing is harmless anymore.

It doesnt matter that shes right (COME AT ME!) All that matters is that the childfree somehow felt victimized by the meme, because if theres anything worth getting upset about, its Facebook memes.

Some well-balanced people feel differently, leaving comments on the post like, Thats YOUR story, but then you obviously werent suffering with long term illness, looking after sick relatives, working 80 hours a week, working 24 hour shifts, looking after sick animals, working three jobs to make ends meet or any of the other tons of reasons there are to be tired!!!!!

Nope. Just one reason to be tired, as the meme CLEARLY states.

Jillian is a new parent and a famous fitness guru, so she knows from exertion, but she is not a scientist, so she should just shut it, according to this kind soul: Hey, genius. Its called being human. Everyone gets tired, whether they have kids or not. Thats what the human body does. Try studying science harder next time.

No one said anything about childfree people not being tired. Again, I was childfree. I was plenty tired. Im sure there are EMTs and medical students and people with insomnia and people with no eyelids who are just as tired as parents, and congratulations, we all tied in the Tired Contest.

Except newsflash:there is no Tired Contest! I was pulling your leg!

Tiredness is not something that can be measured, and neitherMichaels nor I nor those kids staying awake for days on end just to avoid Freddy Kruger can prove theyre more tired than anyone else, but honestly? WHO GIVES A SHIT. Were all tired.

But those of us with more responsibility are probably maybe? a little more tired than those without much? I dont know how much responsibility you have, and neither does Jillian Michaels, unless she has a personal relationship with all 3,035,511 people who like her Facebook page,(If she does, she definitelywins the Tired Contest!), but I know that kids are a lot of responsibility.

You cant sleep through your kids. Once you have a baby, your sleep starts suffering, and you never get it back, at least not until theyre teenagers. And so parents have very limited opportunities to catch up on sleep theyve missed. Maybe youre childfree and you cant catch up on sleep either I dont know your life but if so FUCK YOU FOR OFFENDING ME except not really because getting upset about a humorous (YMMV) meme meant to appeal to other parents is a tremendous waste of time and energy.

In fact, if youre one of the people who went online to scream about this, like this guy?

You may have been cute back then, but you grew up to be a c***. Why arent people allowed to be tired if they dont have sprogs? You chose to have the little c*** goblins, yet all parents seem to do is complain about everything, and try to bring everyone down to their misery. We get it youre tired. Know who else has a better reason for being tired? People who work 40+ hours a week. They arent allowed to be tired? When did moms become so selfish and entitled? Youre making yourselves look like Bitches.

Wow. If youre leaving a psychotic rant like that on a celebritys harmless Facebook post, you clearly have a lot more energy than me.

BOOM! I win.

Go here to see the original:

Jillian Michaels - Scary Mommy

The Childfree-by-Choice Pages

We are a group of adults who all share at least one common desire: we do not wish to have children of our own. We are teachers, doctors, business owners, authors, computer experts - you name it. We choose to call ourselves "childfree" rather than "childless," because we feel the term "childless" implies that we're missing something we want - and we aren't. We consider ourselves childFREE - free of the loss of personal freedom, money, time and energy that having children requires.

Because being childfree-by-choice is rather frowned upon by our kidcentric society, finding information (or links to information) is difficult. Most of us are almost afraid to ask someone who might know where we can find what we're looking for. . .the disapproving stares and cries of, "How can you not want children?!" often send us into a form of "hiding." We feel like freaks and don't realize exactly how many of us and exactly how much information is actually out there. This site attempts to remedy that problem.

Please feel free to look around and check out the plethora of information we have gathered for you. If you see an omission, we'd appreciate it if you'd drop us an email with the details. This site is an ever-growing document and your input is welcome. Please understand that ALL flames will get a good giggle and a trip to the trash.

View original post here:

The Childfree-by-Choice Pages

The Childfree Life Index page

View unanswered posts | View active topics View unread posts

General Discussion

Moderator: Moderation Team

Subforums: Politics, Dating & Relationships

17054

353430

Thu Dec 08, 2016 4:26 pm

cocolarue

Plan Real World & Chat Meetings

Moderator: Connections Mods

185

2037

Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:47 pm

ParrotsInsteadofKids

Jobs, Careers & Studies

Moderator: Connections Mods

1165

14923

Thu Dec 08, 2016 8:41 am

claire2029

Pets & Animals

Moderator: Connections Mods

1518

18108

Fri Nov 25, 2016 1:07 pm

Annaa

Moderator: Connections Mods

287

2976

Thu Dec 01, 2016 1:02 pm

floydian

Birth Control & Sterilization

Moderator: Support Mods

1159

14777

Wed Dec 07, 2016 7:51 pm

Cali

Support for the Undecided

Moderator: Support Mods

688

9444

Sun Dec 04, 2016 2:33 am

Mrs. K.

Support for Childfree Stepparents

Moderator: Support Mods

56

825

Tue Dec 22, 2015 5:38 pm

carolynf1

Surveys, Interviews, & Questions

Moderator: Support Mods

527

10696

Mon Dec 05, 2016 11:35 am

quiltergirl

General Leisure and Hobby Discussion

Moderator: Rec Center Mods

599

10268

Fri Nov 11, 2016 6:36 pm

_s_

Moderator: Rec Center Mods

1294

14454

Wed Dec 07, 2016 9:53 am

Kerryn

Moderator: Rec Center Mods

517

9625

Thu Dec 08, 2016 3:17 pm

CarryOn

Moderator: Rec Center Mods

462

7033

Wed Nov 23, 2016 7:19 am

CFinNY

176

1047

Sun Nov 06, 2016 1:15 am

GreyDrakkon

Registered users: Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], MSNbot Media, redwine, shortarse, Yahoo [Bot]

No birthdays today

Total posts 490718 | Total topics 27292 | Total members 4618 | Our newest member tabmok

Read the rest here:

The Childfree Life Index page