Onion: Sullen Time-Traveling Teen Reports 23rd Century Sucks

From The Onion: Sullen Time-Traveling Teen Reports 23rd Century Sucks:

According to sullen teenager Steve Geremek, the 23rd century, a time previously restricted to the fantastical imaginings of science-fiction writers and futurists, "sucks."

Steve Geremek, shortly after his return from the "totally stupid and lame" year 2202.

"Ah, it was a bunch of boring stuff," said a slouching, mumbling Geremek, 17, at a press conference shortly after his return from the future Monday. "It totally blew."

Geremek, the son of renowned MIT theoretical physicist Irwin Geremek, was transported to the year 2202 last Thursday when he accidentally wandered into an experimental tachyon particle accelerator being developed by his father.

"I was messing around in my dad's thingy and, all of a sudden, there was this flash of purple light," Geremek said. "Next thing I knew, I was surrounded by a bunch of boring future stuff."

Asked to clarify what he meant by "boring future stuff," Geremek said, "I dunno... stuff."

More.


One Green Planet on the IEET’S Rights of Non-Human Persons Program

One Green Planet has chimed in on our Rights of Non-Human Persons Program. In the article, The Post-Human Age? When Transhumanism and Animal Rights Collide, One Green Planet correctly observes that the IEET, as a promoter of non-anthropocentric personhood ethics, has outlined a strategy to allow nonhumans ranging from animals to future post-humans and their cognitive equivalents, such as artificial intelligences, to gain rough moral and legal parity with humans.

That said, the article goes on to list three objections to the program:

  1. Sentient beings will continue to be regarded as property
  2. This presents a new hierarchy that simply replaces an old one
  3. This will result in more animal experimentation

Quickly, in regards to the third point, it simply does not follow that sentient non-persons will suddenly become open season for experimentation. This argument is as pernicious as the human exceptionalist argument which contends that the value of humanity will somehow be lessened if we extend human-level rights outside the species. Ultimately, we have to ensure that all creatures capable of suffering will be protected.

Now, in regards to the first two objections: These arguments essentially express the fear that, under the IEET's plan, sentient non-persons will continue to be exploited as property and left out in the cold. All we're really doing, they argue, is creating a new hierarchy.

This is another classic example of how you can't please everybody all of the time. The RNHP infuriates the human exceptionalists as much as it does the die-hard animal rights advocates. Our middle-ground approach, as distasteful as it may seem to some, is both pragmatic and ideologically sound. And just as importantly, it's one that will get the job done where other attempts have failed. What we're doing at the IEET is unique; we've come to the realization that the extension of rights to non-human animals is an iterative process that will, out of necessity, have to involve a hierarchical approach.

Yes, all animals are capable of suffering, but not all animals are equal in terms of their capacity to suffer. Moreover, not all animals are equal in terms of their cognitive and emotional sophistication. A strong case can be made that the initial list of non-human persons we've designated are more susceptible of experiencing emotional and existential distress, and are thus deserving of special protections.

To reiterate an important point, we at the IEET do not feel that the circle of nonhuman persons stops at Great Apes, cetaceans, and elephants (or even advanced artificial intelligence). Because personhood follows a spectrum based on capacities, I fully expect entire sets and subsets of nonhuman person types to be included as time passes. What we're doing is a start. Initially, we're looking for buy-in on the concept of nonhuman persons and to get certain species protected by human-equivalent rights. Once we reach that milestone our efforts will not stop; the IEET will continue to work towards the extension of legal protections to more and more animals.

Animal rights folks are welcome to argue this approach with me all they want. But what they have to acknowledge is that, to date, virtually all strategies by animal rights groups to grant animals meaningful legal protections have utterly and completely failed. Traditional strategies are simply not working. What we at the IEET are offering is baby-steps approach that will eventually help us achieve our mutual goals.


South Koreans Use Balloons to Float Propaganda DVDs to North Korea [Politics]

For years, South Korean activists have been sending pro-democracy propaganda to the politically and informationally isolated citizens of North Korea via balloon, in an attempt to share information about Kim Jong Il and his regime. Generally, it's information that is either censored or illegal in the communist country. Sometimes it's Bible verses. Today, AFP reports the activists sent out their latest bunch of information balloons even after Kim Jong Il threatened to attack them. Here's what they put inside. More »


This Week’s Top Web Comedy Video: Girls Watch Porn, Too [Video]

Consider it a public service announcement: while it may seem like pornography is entirely for men, women watch it too! At least, they do if this video is entirely sincere and in no way whatsoever intended to be ironic or facetious or anything that dispels the fine notion that ladies are every bit as into adult material as you are. Which is how I choose to watch it (some NSFW language): More »


Random Dude Hijacks the Royal Wedding Color Feed [Image Cache]

The Royal Wedding is finally goddamn over and now Will and Kate can look back at all the social media they foisted upon the Internet—YouTube videos, Facebook comments, and a Color account sponsored by The Telegraph. And in between pictures of stupid hats and kissing they can find this guy giving his Royal approval, complete with Union Jack underwear and royal blue spandex. [Color Royal Wedding Album via TechCrunch] More »


Straight Floorboards Are for Squares [Home Mod]

The straight lines! They're everywhere! They box you in and tell you where to walk and, like, if you step on one, you break your mother's spine! I CAN'T TAKE IT. Sweet relief: Bolefloor Hardwood Flooring, which is cut along the grain of the wood to give your floor a little character—and your neuroses a little break. More »