Family devastated after father dies of COVID-19 can only comfort mother from a distance – INFORUM

We werent going to tell him he had it, but I had to, Dahl said. I said You know you have the virus, right? And he said Yes, I do. And thats when I said Im so sorry, and he said Nothing you did.

Dahls father, Kenneth Skoog, died on April 24 at Eventide Senior Living Facility in south Fargo, three days after his 66th wedding anniversary. Dahl, a nurse, said even gently touching her fathers cheek made him cry out in pain. Once, his face turned purple during an uncontrollable coughing fit.

He said he had 90 good years, and he was ready to go, Dahl said. But not like this, not like this. If he had died naturally we would have accepted it more easily. But on Good Friday, he told us that nothing compares to the suffering Jesus endured. The suffering of this virus cant even compare to what our Lord suffered.

Kenneth was on the do not resuscitate list, and the family chose comfort care rather than a higher level of care, which would have meant hospitalization and a ventilator.

Even following the comfort care protocol didn't seem to provide him with the proper amount of pain meds to help relieve his pain, Dahl said.

The Skoog family meets with their mother on May 2 at Eventide for a Happy Hour, shortly after Kenneth Skoog, 90, died from COVID-19. They talk back and forth, sometimes needing to yell over high winds, while Erlys Skoog stay on her second-floor balcony. C.S. Hagen / The Forum

He was North Dakotas number 16, Kenneths son Kevin Skoog said. My dad contracted the virus at Eventide, and he died at Eventide. Prior to Karla being by her dads side, Dad was dying alone, Mom was crying alone and us kids cant do a damn thing about it.

On Monday morning, April 20, Kevin said goodbye to his father over the telephone. The conversation was brief; a long line of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren wanted their turn. But it was a better day for Kenneth, a Korean war veteran who had been involved in the Berlin Airlift.

Skoog family 2019. Top row left to right: Kurt Skoog, Kirby Skoog, Karla Dahl, Kevin Skoog, Kory Skoog, bottom row: Erlys Skoog and Kenneth Skoog. Special to The Forum

I could tell he was hurting, but he was able to communicate, Kevin said. I remember asking him, Well, Dad, are you in any pain? And he said it couldnt get any worse.

Kenneth suffered with the symptoms for nearly nine days before passing away around 4 a.m. April 24.

On April 15, when the Skoog family learned about Kenneths condition, there were 11 residents and two staff members who tested positive at the Fargo Eventide. As of April 30, the numbers increased to nine residents, 10 staff members who tested positive, with five inactive residents at Eventide in Fargo; three staff members at Eventide in West Fargo; 19 residents and 13 staff members who tested positive with three inactive residents at Eventide in Moorhead, according to the Eventide website.

I want to know how many people have contracted the virus at Eventide and how many have passed away because of it. My dad is one, but are there others, Kevin said.

On May 6, the states department of health reported 31 people in North Dakota have died from any cause with COVID-19.

Kenneth Skoog holds up the message delivery system he and family uses to pass information, cookies, and other items back and forth with their mother, Erlys Skoog, who lives on the second floor of an Eventide apartment. C.S. Hagen / The Forum

A week after Kenneth died, Dahl, Kevin, and other family members gathered on the sidewalk below the apartment where he once lived with his wife, Erlys Skoog, in a second-floor apartment at Eventide. Beers were had. Laughter rang out between stories of long gone days. Tears flowed.

Weve come to visit my mom behind bars, Kevin joked.

Using a plastic cylinder to toss messages, pictures, sometimes cookies and muffins, back and forth, Kevin opened up a picture of his fathers urn. A hunting scene. He wanted to make sure his mother liked the design.

"Don't break the glass," Erlys Skoog says just before her son, Kevin Skoog, tosses up a canister with a picture of her late husband's urn. Kenneth Skoog, 90, died of COVID-19 recently at Eventide. C.S. Hagen / The Forum

Heading into her ninth week of quarantine, Erlys said the isolation doesnt bother her much. She embroiders, spends time on the telephone. She doesnt use the internet, or watch much television, except for the news, but the food at Eventide is good. She plays Bingo some days and eagerly waits for her family to line up on the sidewalk beneath her second-floor apartment. Sometimes she watches as a great-grandchild draws chalk art to cheer her up.

If she could step out of isolation, the first thing she would do would be to, Give everybody a big hug, Erlys said. I havent had a hug in a long time."

The last time Erlys saw her husband was on March 16, when retirement homes began locking down. When the couple first moved to the senior living facility last autumn, they lived together, but Kenneth was moved to the skilled nursing care unit because of dementia. Until the coronavirus hit Fargo, she saw him daily.

The irony behind the living situation is not lost on the Skoog family. If their parents had stayed together in their home in Wahpeton, Kenneth may not have contracted the coronavirus and died. If Erlys had been allowed to visit her husband after lockdown, she too might have contracted the virus.

Stories about Kenneth brought chuckles from everyone, including Erlys. When Kenneth turned 18, he didnt show up for his birthday party at home.

Everyone was there except him; he had signed up for the Air Force, Dahl said his mother told her. Grandpa drove him to Fargo where he took the train to begin his training.

He went AWOL before he joined the Air Force, Kevin joked.

Karla Dahl sits with family on May 2 at Eventide while describing her watch over her dying father Kenneth Skoog, who passed away of COVID-19. C.S. Hagen / The Forum

Honorably discharged in 1950 as a corporal from the U.S. Air Force three years later, he returned to the family farm in Christine, N.D., but didnt stay long. From there he began working for the Great North Railroad, which became the Burlington Northern Railroad. He retired in 1993, and spent his time hunting, woodworking, playing sports and enjoying beers with friends.

He was a spark plug, Kevin said. Our focus is changing. Before it was on Dad, and now its on Mom. I just feel it would be nice to let Mom go to a restaurant. But the last thing we want to do is expose her to the virus.

Erlys, maiden name Ordahl, met Kenneth in a bar named Earls in Breckenridge, Minn., in 1951. Dinner led to romance. The first and only time she can remember saying goodbye to Kenneth was when they were courting.

I thought I thought more of him than he did me. And then one night he walked me to the door, and I said goodbye, and then he put his hand on my shoulder, and he said I dont like that word goodbye, Erlys said. So I tried never to really say it ever again.

Even during her husbands final days.

Kevin Skoog talks to his mother on May 2 who is in quarantine in a second-floor apartment at Eventide. Father Kenneth Skoog, recently died of COVID-19. C.S. Hagen / The Forum

When Karla Dahl learned only one person could go into Kenneths room after he contracted COVID-19, she said she was pleased to spend her dads last days by his side. As a nurse, shes used to wearing personal protective equipment.

After every visit she would go home, place her shoes outside, spray them with Lysol, then take the hottest shower she could stand while breathing in the steam for as long as she could.

I would fill my lungs with the steam, and I sprayed everything with Lysol; I did everything I could to prevent the spread, Dahl said. I wasnt scared at any time I was in there with him. He was my dad.

Kenneth had good days and bad, and Dahl tried to use the times he was feeling better to hold the phone inches from his face so he could talk to his family.

The N-95 mask is a very secure mask, I found that out five days with my dad, Dahl said. I would hold the phone inches from his face while he was coughing.

When Kenneth died, Dahl could plainly see his suffering was over.

Kevin Skoog gets ready to catch a canister from his mother, Erlys, as she's living in quarantine at Eventide in Fargo. C.S. Hagen / The Forum

It was such a relief and comfort to see him in peace. It was good for me to see him at the end, I just wish that everyone could have, because no one got a chance to. I was the only one she said.

You know what Karla? It comforted the rest of us knowing you were with him. We were worried when nobody was there, Tammy, the wife of son Kory Skoog, said.

That was a relief to us, but then I also had a concern about Karla being there and possibly contracting the virus, Kevin said.

Dahl tested negative for COVID-19 after her father passed away.

Kenneth K. Skoog is survived by two sisters and two brothers; by his wife Erlys of 66 years; his children, Kurtis, Kirby and wife Lyn, Karla and husband Tom, and Kevin and wife Lonna, Kory and wife Tammy as well as 10 grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren.

Handwritten letter Erlys Skoog wrote after her husband's death from COVID-19. Special to The Forum

Erlys Skoog's letter, above, was written while she was living in quarantine at Eventide Senior Living Facility shortly after her husband of 66 years, Kenneth K. Skoog, died from COVID-19 on April 24. It reads:

"I'd like to let everyone know how serious this COVID-19 virus is. It's terrible.

"I went every day to see my husband before this virus set in. I gave him a kiss and said 'I'll see you tomorrow.' Little did I know when I left there, I'd never see him again.

"Couldn't go back and forth any more because of this virus. Spent time on phone back and forth. He couldn't understand why I didn't come see him. Told him because of this virus.

"Our first time on iPad was very emotional for both of us. First time I'd seen him in tears."

"Only one could be with him in his last days. Our dear daughter (Karla a nurse) was with him.

"He had a good day before our 66th anniversary. Karla dialed for him so he could say a few words to our kids, grandkids and great-granddaughter. I talked to him twice. Day after anniversary was not a good day, Karla dialed for him and his last words to me was (I love you). All I could understand.

"I just hope and pray everyone will listen and obey rules. Tough world right now. You wouldn't want your loved one going through what we did...

"I miss the hugs from family and friends. I miss my dear husband who was always there for me."

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Family devastated after father dies of COVID-19 can only comfort mother from a distance - INFORUM