Share
Share
Its the greatest thing since sliced bread.
How and why did that expression become the benchmark against which greatness is measured? Even if it once had relevance, its now old and worn out.
There are far better standards we could use.
Tom Walton
Enlarge
Sliced bread is a swell convenience, but if I had to gnaw on an unsliced loaf, life would still be fulfilling and I wouldnt like bread any less.
Here are my own nominees for sayings we could turn to that might make the point better:
Its the greatest thing since the internal combustion engine. So its a little wordy. Where would we all be without our cars? Sitting at home gnawing on a loaf of bread, most likely.
Its the greatest thing since three-day weekends. This ones pretty tough to beat. Most Americans might not actually pause to remember our fallen heroes on this long Memorial Day weekend, but standing over burgers on a grill at the park or on the back patio is how millions of us welcome summer in style.
Its the greatest thing since the Emancipation Proclamation. Again, this ones a mouthful, but freedom from involuntary servitude is a whole lot better than bread, sliced or not.
Its the greatest thing since elasticized waistbands. If youre over 40, no explanation is necessary.
Its the greatest thing since God made little green apples. Just channeling my inner Bobby Goldsboro here.
Its the greatest thing since the smoking ban. Clean air in public places? Whats not to like?
Its the greatest thing since buy one, get one free. Who doesnt like a nice BOGO every now and then? Come to think of it, how does that car dealer do it? Buy a car and get a second one free? Whats the catch? Theres gotta be one.
Its the greatest thing since hand sanitizer. Germ warfare got a whole lot easier for us and tougher for germs when this stuff came along.
Its the greatest thing since GPS. There really isnt any excuse for getting lost anymore, although occasionally I still manage to do it. Thats because asking for directions runs counter to everything Ive been taught as a male. But I concede the value of global positioning satellites to mankind and defer to the wisdom of the masses and women everywhere.
Its the greatest thing since the ATM. This one has to be a strong candidate to replace sliced bread as the standard by which we gauge progress and convenience.
A machine that spits out money whenever you need it. Is this a great country or what? Of course, like most computers, the automated teller machine is pretty smart. It figures out quickly if you dont have any Benjamins in there to begin with.
Its the greatest thing since wine in a box. No longer do you have to struggle to put the cork back in the bottle. Why is that so difficult in the first place? Why does a cork swell to twice its size after its freed from the bottles clutches?
Its the greatest thing since Cleveland won the World Series. Now that the Indians have supplanted the Chicago Cubs as the longest-suffering losers in baseball, this one sets the bar pretty high. Or low.
Its the greatest thing since high-definition television. High-def TV is indeed a wonderful step forward, although to be honest, nothing will ever match the excitement I felt the first time I saw color television as a child through an appliance store window in Tiffin.
Its the greatest thing since the digital camera. No more loading film. No more paying at the drug store for pictures you screwed up. Nephew Billy is making that goofy face again? Eliminate Nephew Billy. Well, not literally. You know what I mean: delete and retake.
Its the greatest thing since the light bulb. Why this one never took off is a mystery. Giving light to the world seems infinitely more important than cutting the worlds bread into small pieces.
Its the greatest thing since the self-cleaning oven. Dont ask, because I wont tell you how this came to be important to me. I will only say that I am glad the chicken was already dead.
Its the greatest thing since the flu vaccine. Id say flu shot, but the appeal would be diminished and the expression would never catch on. One word: needles.
Yet how many lives have been saved, how much misery has been avoided, how much productivity has not been lost, because of this annual ritual? Sliced bread might feel better, especially wrapped around a thick piece of fried balogna, but the flu shot is significantly better for you.
Its the greatest thing since the self-propelled lawnmower. Like the snow blower, the self-propelled lawnmower is a lifesaver. Go ahead. Get one. Your back and your heart will thank you. Youll get a lot of low impact exercise and the mower does the hard part.
So there we are. If you saw one you like, use it. Lets get it out there. Itll be the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Thomas Walton is the retired editor and vice president of The Blade. His column appears every other Sunday. His feature, Life As We Know It, can be heard every Monday at 5:44 p.m. during All Things Considered on WGTE-FM 91.Contact him at:walton@theblade.com.
Here is the original post:
Greatness and sliced bread: a match gone stale - Toledo Blade
- Xinhua Headlines: In Harbin's icy embrace, tourists flock to offer condolences, cherish memories - Xinhua - February 11th, 2024 [February 11th, 2024]
- Empires of lies The China Project - The China Project - October 22nd, 2023 [October 22nd, 2023]
- Official records on Japanese Imperial Army unit unearthed | NHK ... - NHK WORLD - August 26th, 2023 [August 26th, 2023]
- Today's Nuclear Balance of Power: The Wells of Doom - Executive Intelligence Review (EIR) - August 26th, 2023 [August 26th, 2023]
- People thought the Beatles were God. That's not correct: the ... - Louder - August 26th, 2023 [August 26th, 2023]
- The startling role that disease played in human evolution - Sydney Morning Herald - May 18th, 2023 [May 18th, 2023]
- Celebrate Mothers Day With These 15 Stuntcasted Sitcom Moms - Cracked.com - May 18th, 2023 [May 18th, 2023]
- Smallpox in Canada | The Canadian Encyclopedia - November 27th, 2022 [November 27th, 2022]
- Microorganism - Wikipedia - November 23rd, 2022 [November 23rd, 2022]
- Andrew Kaufman on the false germ paradigm - Jerm Warfare - November 16th, 2022 [November 16th, 2022]
- The Strategic National Stockpile failed during COVID and monkeypox. Will it come through next time? - Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- The SKELP Directives: U.S. Secret Financing of Germ Warfare during the ... - September 29th, 2022 [September 29th, 2022]
- Germ Warfare: GSA Supports Rapid Deployment of Xenex LightStrike Germ ... - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- You need to watch the most underrated apocalypse movie before it leaves HBO Max this week - Inverse - July 29th, 2022 [July 29th, 2022]
- Allegations of biological warfare in the Korean War - Wikipedia - June 24th, 2022 [June 24th, 2022]
- The deadly germ warfare island abandoned by the Soviets - BBC - May 9th, 2022 [May 9th, 2022]
- The Terrifying Cherry Blossoms at Night of the Japanese Military - SOFREP - May 3rd, 2022 [May 3rd, 2022]
- Avoid Chinas stockmarket heres what to invest in instead - MoneyWeek - May 3rd, 2022 [May 3rd, 2022]
- A Perfect Storm Could Make Measles a Nightmare in 2022, WHO and UNICEF Warn - Gizmodo Australia - May 3rd, 2022 [May 3rd, 2022]
- Colwell: Things would surely be different in Ukraine if Trump were president - South Bend Tribune - April 9th, 2022 [April 9th, 2022]
- Patriotic Propaganda: Staying silent as a choice when what is seen does not match with what is believed - Milwaukee Independent - April 9th, 2022 [April 9th, 2022]
- Germ warfare: Saginaw hospital becomes battleground in U.S ... - March 15th, 2022 [March 15th, 2022]
- U.S. Biological Weapons in UkraineSeparating the Facts From the Fiction - Newsweek - March 15th, 2022 [March 15th, 2022]
- Wanted: A rallying cry to hold back the coming 'Dark... - Daily Maverick - March 15th, 2022 [March 15th, 2022]
- Putin's Apocalypse: How Far Is the Russian President Willing To Go? - DER SPIEGEL International Edition - March 15th, 2022 [March 15th, 2022]
- Yamashita: The pandemic generation will learn to succeed - Guam Pacific Daily News - February 17th, 2022 [February 17th, 2022]
- Bill M. McClure Obituary - Times Record - Times Record - February 17th, 2022 [February 17th, 2022]
- Urban explorer sneaks on to top secret germ warfare base known as UKs Area 51 exposing security ris... - The Sun - February 5th, 2022 [February 5th, 2022]
- Modern warfare - Wikipedia - February 3rd, 2022 [February 3rd, 2022]
- US Military Released Bacteria to Test Biological Warfare - February 3rd, 2022 [February 3rd, 2022]
- This week in Texas History: Spanish flu, our ancestors' pandemic - Hays Free Press - February 3rd, 2022 [February 3rd, 2022]
- Yamashita: Boundaries should be respected | Opinion | guampdn.com - Guam Pacific Daily News - February 3rd, 2022 [February 3rd, 2022]
- The Army tested 'germ warfare' on the NYC subway by ... - January 24th, 2022 [January 24th, 2022]
- Biological Warfare: Infectious Disease and Bioterrorism - January 24th, 2022 [January 24th, 2022]
- Opinion: Vaccines are a tool, not a silver bullet. If we'd allowed more scientific debate, we would have realized this earlier - The Globe and Mail - January 24th, 2022 [January 24th, 2022]
- SARS: A Mystery Illness To Impact Air Travel - Aviation Week - December 10th, 2021 [December 10th, 2021]
- We Need To Protect Earth (And Space) From Interplanetary Invaders - IFLScience - November 21st, 2021 [November 21st, 2021]
- Louis Pasteur | Science History Institute - November 19th, 2021 [November 19th, 2021]
- Pontiac's War - Wikipedia - November 19th, 2021 [November 19th, 2021]
- Japan and weapons of mass destruction - Wikipedia - November 19th, 2021 [November 19th, 2021]
- Andreas Kluth - The War of Nerves on Europe's Border Could Turn Hot - Asharq Al-awsat - English - November 17th, 2021 [November 17th, 2021]
- Microorganisms as potent biological weapons The National - The National - November 15th, 2021 [November 15th, 2021]
- Who is and what does the playwright Yunior Garca Aguilera think, the promoter of the new protests in Cuba - Market Research Telecast - November 15th, 2021 [November 15th, 2021]
- Terrorists will wage terrifying new biowar as Wuhan lab leak chaos shows they could get away with mur... - The Sun - November 9th, 2021 [November 9th, 2021]
- US vicious slanders on China over COVID-19 origins tracing and the truth (Part 7) - China.org.cn - November 9th, 2021 [November 9th, 2021]
- Scientists, Emergency Planners Conducting Air Flow Study In NYC This Week To Improve Response Protocols - CBS New York - October 21st, 2021 [October 21st, 2021]
- Letter to the Editor - Masks: one of the three best defenses in modern germ warfare - The Havre Daily News - September 27th, 2021 [September 27th, 2021]
- Ancient Greek Medicine: Who Was Hippocrates And What Was The Hippocratic Oath? - BBC History Magazine - September 27th, 2021 [September 27th, 2021]
- The US government's comic approach to information warfare - Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists - September 20th, 2021 [September 20th, 2021]
- The enduring appeal of the Bond villain - Spectator.co.uk - September 4th, 2021 [September 4th, 2021]
- Letters To The Editor Week of 8/16/2021 | The Press - Press Publications Inc. - August 14th, 2021 [August 14th, 2021]
- Talk of the Town: | Blowing Rocket | wataugademocrat.com - Watauga Democrat - July 29th, 2021 [July 29th, 2021]
- Letter to the Editor: Joe Bialek - Atlanta Jewish Times - July 18th, 2021 [July 18th, 2021]
- America's Impressive History of Bioweapons Attacks Against Its Own People - CounterPunch.org - CounterPunch - July 10th, 2021 [July 10th, 2021]
- Lee Camp: Americas impressive history of bioweapons attacks against its own people - RT - July 10th, 2021 [July 10th, 2021]
- Laboratory leaks have happened before more frequently than we would like to believe - Yahoo Eurosport UK - June 4th, 2021 [June 4th, 2021]
- Biden's Renewed Interest in COVID Lab Leak Theory Likely to Worsen Anti-Asian Sentiment - UrduPoint News - June 4th, 2021 [June 4th, 2021]
- 10 Fascinating Facts About The US Army - War History Online - June 4th, 2021 [June 4th, 2021]
- US targeting China to hide its own past: expert - Chinadaily USA - May 31st, 2021 [May 31st, 2021]
- Dr. Fauci Just Discovered What Rush Told Us Last Year - Rush Limbaugh - May 31st, 2021 [May 31st, 2021]
- Everything is reopening. But lets not bring back the handshake, OK? - The Boston Globe - May 20th, 2021 [May 20th, 2021]
- Fake news, conspiracy theories and a deadly global pandemic and that was in 1918 - Salon - May 9th, 2021 [May 9th, 2021]
- North Korea and China Accused America of Biowarfare During the Korean War - The National Interest - April 21st, 2021 [April 21st, 2021]
- Top Secret: Russia Had a Military Accident With Anthrax in 1979 - The National Interest - March 26th, 2021 [March 26th, 2021]
- Chaos Walking: Wanna Hear What Tom Hollands Thinking? Think Again - Rolling Stone - March 7th, 2021 [March 7th, 2021]
- Josh Freed: COVID has robbed us of small talk, and that's a big deal - Montreal Gazette - February 21st, 2021 [February 21st, 2021]
- Letter to Editor | Letters to the Editor - Hermann Advertiser Courier - February 8th, 2021 [February 8th, 2021]
- Letter: Need to return to united, not divided states - Whidbey News-Times - February 8th, 2021 [February 8th, 2021]
- Whats Keeping the Vaccine From Getting to Those Who Need it Most? - The Nation - February 8th, 2021 [February 8th, 2021]
- Letter: Need to return to united, not divided states - South Whidbey Record - February 2nd, 2021 [February 2nd, 2021]
- Bill Gates: 3 innovations that will help America get ahead of the next pandemic - CNBC - February 2nd, 2021 [February 2nd, 2021]
- 1887: The invasion of the rabbit - Stuff.co.nz - February 2nd, 2021 [February 2nd, 2021]
- The Recorder - My Turn: Germ warfare - The Recorder - January 25th, 2021 [January 25th, 2021]
- Paul Kaufman on Trump and nuclear weapons - Newham Recorder - January 25th, 2021 [January 25th, 2021]
- Biological warfare experiment in India and the curious case of yellow fever mosquitoes - Frontline - January 21st, 2021 [January 21st, 2021]
- How the KGB convinced the world that AIDS was a Pentagon invention - Russia Beyond - January 21st, 2021 [January 21st, 2021]
- South African Doctor Who Tried to Wipe Out Black People Still Practising - iAfrica.com - January 21st, 2021 [January 21st, 2021]
- The militarization of American democracy | TheHill - The Hill - January 21st, 2021 [January 21st, 2021]
- The BroadsheetDAILY ~ 1/14/21 ~ State Extends, Expands Eviction and Foreclosure Bans Credited with Saving Thousands of Lives - ebroadsheet.com - January 15th, 2021 [January 15th, 2021]
- Measuring Impact in a Complex and Interconnected World - Chief Executive Group - January 15th, 2021 [January 15th, 2021]