Having children can be the most gratifying yet most demanding experience in ones life. The turmoils of motherhood are not to be scoffed at, especially when taking into consideration the life-changing transformations to the body, the mind, and to her own sense of self. Were also not forgetting the social pressures mothers face on a daily basis.
Having said that, the child is the mothers responsibility, a responsibility which should be shared with those that fully agree to take it on. However, there have been situations where moms have felt entitled to ask, and then pressure, acquaintances to take care of their offspring, arguing that it takes a village to raise a child.
This is the situation that Reddit user artinthegarage faced, sharing her tale on the subreddit r/EntitledPeople. One mothers suggestion turned into a full-on peer-pressuring event by her friends, who the Original Poster (OP) called the Mommy Group, yet it seems the OP got to have the last laugh. Quite literally.
Dear Pandas, please leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments below. Was the OP right to react the way that she did? What would you have done? Also, if after all this youre still craving some spicy entitlement stories, Ive got you covered! Lets get into it!
More info: Reddit
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual photo)
There come forth situations in life where you can do nothing else but ask for help. Whether it be family members, friends, acquaintances, or members of your yoga class, there are always those that could be open to lending a helping hand. As long as youre not an entitled bully that cant take no for an answer.
Reddit user artinthegarage, whose actual name is Jennifer Nicole, is an artist with 15.6K followers on Instagram. She quite recently shared her experience with an entitled mother who would not allow her to refuse to look after her 3 children, all under the age of 10, and got her flock of friends to help persuade her. Lots to unravel here, so many layers, but its quite an interesting one, so lets bite into it.
Image credits: artinthegarage
Image credits: Darya Sannikova (not the actual photo)
Image credits: artinthegarage
I love taking the stance of the Devils advocate, especially in cases when the person described is so clearly in the wrong. So, in order to do this, lets investigate three things: the social burden of motherhood, entitlement and peer pressure, as well as having a community there to help raise a child.
In many societies, being a mother is still seen as an unavoidable, positive, and sought-after goal in a womans life. For dozens of years, it was the norm for the child to become the center of their mothers universe, taking precedence over her own interests, and forcing her to be completely involved in the role of caretaker.
Only recently have the realities of motherhood started being discussed by candid women all around the world: the roller coaster of emotions and the physical demands that come with the title of mother. What was once seen as unnatural and even pathological, such as negative feelings toward motherhood, are being brought to light.
Filipa Csar and colleagues believe that the exposure of concealed negative feelings towards motherhood may have an important role in changing the way society views parenthood, helping to enhance the mothers well-being beyond the mother-child relationship, and in considering the serious difficulties associated with motherhood.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: artinthegarage
Now, where do entitlement and peer pressure come into this equation? Lets start with some definitions. Entitlement, according to Merriam-Websters Unabridged Dictionary, is a belief that one is deserving of certain privileges. And, according to VeryWellMind, peer pressure is the process by which members of the same social group influence other members to do things that they may be resistant to, or might not otherwise choose to do.
In general, a person with a sense of entitlement has a self-absorbed view of the world. They think they deserve special treatment and that their personal needs come before everyone elses, and they act like victims and blame other people or outside forces for their problems, causing a big scene when their demands arent met.
On the flip side of the coin, we have peer pressure. Direct peer pressure is when a person uses verbal or nonverbal cues to persuade someone to do something. It can quickly turn negative, as the person is faced with doing something they wouldnt normally do or dont want to do as a way of fitting in with a social group.
Both of those elements are very much prevalent in this story that were discussing at the moment. Its not the fact that the mom was asking for help, but rather the guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation that followed. No one should have to deal with peer pressure from what the OP called the Mommy Wagon Trainemails, calls, and even bullet lists for how one should live their life.
Image credits: SOCMIA Fotografa (not the actual photo)
Image credits: artinthegarage
Image credits: Daniel Chekalov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: artinthegarage
If youre dealing with peer pressure in adulthood, Destination Hope Mental Health Center advises all to be true to themselves. Be assertive, be mindful of your needs and core values, and dont mind your critics. Someone elses problems arent yours to solve if they disagree with your own beliefs and capabilities of helping.
But now were at the last point, which goes with the very popular saying, It takes a village to raise a child. Back in the day, community living was a given; people lived in close proximity to others, sharing food and tools, to protect each other and to exchange ideas. But the concept of such a village has changed dramatically in recent years.
Were more isolated than ever, and new parents are feeling isolated and alone in their struggles. As explained by the Exchange Family Center, oftentimes parents feel stressed, overworked, judged, and inadequate. Burnout and exhaustion are real, but without a community around to validate those feelings, many moms and dads feel like that pain is their own to bear.
Image credits: monica di loxley (not the actual photo)
Image credits: artinthegarage
So how does one build a supportive community without forcing one upon other people with different values? Communication is key. Starting with family members, then friends, then acquaintances, and finding a common ground to stand on. One just needs willing participants to help design a framework that meets everyones needs!
Finally, consider seeking out local services and programs designed to build community. Parenting groups and/or community centers are wonderful (and affordable) places to start looking for other families who are seeking deeper connections and support systems. It takes time and patience, but its a sure way to find like-minded people and not end up on the r/EntitledPeople subreddit.
We are not here to judge either party; this story is told from one point of view, and its simply too little to make a complete picture of either persons character. However, I can say from a personal standpoint that I would have done the same thing as the OP, mayhaps with a glass of whisky rather than wine (drink responsibly).
What about you, dear reader, whats your deduction after having gone through this complex story? What are your thoughts and opinions, and what would you advise this mother to do in the future, as Im sure shell have learned that pressuring someone to abide by her will isnt the most wholesome option.
Enjoy what the community had to say, and I shall see you in the next one! I bid you adieu!
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