Carla Leanzo | Contributing Writer
Selfish. Regret. Irresponsible. Not truly in love.
All of these are ideas circulating around individuals, coined childfree that have decided to deliberately not have children. It seems, though, that family and friends seem to hold more interest in what my partner and I are doing with our reproductive organs than we actually do. I have never wanted children, and I still dont.
After months of research, compiling an overstuffed folder to show my doctor so he can take me seriously, collecting surgeons phone numbers, and even educating people on the various birth control options out there, I have decided that permanent sterilization is the right choice for me.
Heres the kicker though: I, like many on childfree communities such as Reddit or The Childfree Life, are in our late teens and early twenties. We like sex, we love our partners, and we dont love kids. We are responsible with our birth control, yet want the peace of mind to know that theres no tubes there or no bullets in the gun (Sperm. Im talking about sperm, people) to cause an accident. So, whats the deal, anyways?
Currently, most doctors are unwilling to sterilize patients under 30 years of age. By allowing patients of legal adult ageeighteen years and aboveto decide what birth control method is right for them, even if permanent, could help solve the problems of overpopulation, birth control failure and bodily autonomy.
As a legal adult, a patient holds full rights to their body in regards to a safe, highly effective procedure. According to a sterilization pamphlet by the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists, tubal ligations still hold a failure rate of about .08 percent.
However, a less-broached option known as a bilateral salpingectomy (full removal of the fallopian tubes) almost entirely eliminates this failure rate since instead of the fallopian tubes being only clipped or blockedstill leaving room for an egg and sperm to possibly meetthe fallopian tube is entirely removed and any egg released is absorbed by the body.
In my recent interview with a doctor of Virginia Planned Parenthood, Dr. David Peters, I asked him if he would warn younger patients that came in claiming to want children if they would later regret their decision like so many doctors tell individuals that want to be sterilized.
He said, There is definitely a double standard when it comes to pregnancy. If I had my way, I would require a test of competency to allow pregnancy.
Wanting to remain childfree, and even go forth with the surgical procedure to ensure that, is a personal decision that should only be concluded by the couple involved. In speaking to my father about going forward with a bilateral salpingectomy, I was simply told, This is a decision you make on your ownyou have to be the one to decide what you are going to do and how you are going to deal with the outcomes.
This is a decision reached after long, hard reflection and research on what I was getting myself into. I know what choice is right for myself and I am confident in the conclusion that I have reached. If I am old enough to decide to start a family and have children, then Iand othersare old enough and responsible enough to decide not to.
Oftentimes, doctors will refuse to sterilize a patient for fear that, if the patient later changes their mind, the patient will sue aforementioned doctor for even performing the sterilization procedure to begin with.
However, the repercussions of a voluntary surgery, including later changing their mind, should be entirely the patients responsibility. To ensure this responsibility, the patient must sign a liability form that holds the patient responsible if they later change their mind, releasing the doctor from any and all responsibility. As with any surgery, patients are required to sign a consent form, but adding an appendix that would hold the patient liable for their choice should be added onto the consent forms.
Sterilization is also usually denied to patients because regret rates are a true occurrence that are not uncommon for the average young patient. There are, however, alternative options for couples if they do later want to start a family.
Although not always successful, in-vitro fertilization is an option if a couple wants to try for biological children. If in-vitro fertilization is not an option or is not wanted, then a consensual, surrogate pregnancy with a trusted female is also an option, or even adoption if a surrogate pregnancy is not possible. There are many options available to a couple if they change their mind later in life about starting a family.
Finally, it is not uncommon for an individual looking to undo their fertility to be asked, What if your partner later wants kids? Although sterilization is an entirely voluntary procedure, meaning that the patient must make their decision at their own discretion, one possible solution could be to encourage the patient to discuss their choice with their partner if they have one. This would give the couple the option to discuss such an influential life decision, although the decision would still ultimately rest upon the individual obtaining the procedure.
Sterilization is a procedure that is safe and effective, yet holds a stigma around it because it is permanent and there are other options such as the IUD, implant and other hormonal options such as the pill, patch or ring. However, for patients that are absolutely sure they wish to remain childfree and do not wish to manage contraceptives, sterilization is a valid option that allows a couple to freely enjoy their romantic life without the hassle of birth control or the fear of possible political influence on their availability.
Sterilization also offers peace of mind with the security of a vasectomy, even paired with a bilateral salpingectomy for the utmost effectiveness. In fact, upon talking to Dr. Peters, he enlightened me on the fact that, every study done has shown that people with children perform lower in every measurable form of success or happiness. This demonstrates how couples are no less valid for not wanting children than they would be if they did decide to reproduce, and even younger couples should be respected in their decision.
Read more here:
Let Them Be Snipped: A Proposal of Ideas - ODU Mace & Crown
- I'm childfree by choice after growing up scared of the idea of being a mum having kids is a selfish choice. - Yahoo Lifestyle UK - January 20th, 2024 [January 20th, 2024]
- 'Why my decision to be childfree might just be the most eco-conscious choice of all' - 9Honey - January 20th, 2024 [January 20th, 2024]
- I'm unmarried, childfree and it ruins Christmas - inews - December 22nd, 2023 [December 22nd, 2023]
- BBC Motherland cast now - Hollywood fame, childfree vow and husband's shock death - The Mirror - December 22nd, 2023 [December 22nd, 2023]
- Dear Prudence: My boyfriend's family tried to starve me. - Slate - September 13th, 2023 [September 13th, 2023]
- Round the Fire: A Love You Cant Defeat - Louisville Eccentric Observer (LEO Weekly) - May 30th, 2023 [May 30th, 2023]
- 'Why Don't You Want Kids?' 'Because Apocalypse!' | WIRED - January 22nd, 2023 [January 22nd, 2023]
- Whether youre childless or childfree, you shouldnt have to talk ... - January 22nd, 2023 [January 22nd, 2023]
- Reddit's Childfree Community Has a Parent-Shaming Problem - The Daily Dot - January 22nd, 2023 [January 22nd, 2023]
- Childfree: Why these couples are choosing not to have children - January 2nd, 2023 [January 2nd, 2023]
- People Are Loving How This Childfree Woman Clapped Back At "Friend ... - December 21st, 2022 [December 21st, 2022]
- Daemen University to Host Free Screening of Childfree by Choice Film - November 23rd, 2022 [November 23rd, 2022]
- Childfree People Are Sharing What It's Actually Like To Get Older Without Kids In The Picture, And Their Honesty Is So Refreshing - BuzzFeed - October 15th, 2022 [October 15th, 2022]
- 'Special Treatment': New Mom Dragged for Bringing Baby to Childfree Wedding - October 13th, 2022 [October 13th, 2022]
- The Reason Miley Cyrus Doesn't Want To Have Kids - msnNOW - October 13th, 2022 [October 13th, 2022]
- Why a safari holiday was the best way to say goodbye to our childfree life - The Telegraph - October 8th, 2022 [October 8th, 2022]
- Single and Not Ready to Mingle: The Discrimination Against Single Women in Singapore | Opinion - Newsweek - October 8th, 2022 [October 8th, 2022]
- Woman divorcing husband because he calls her sister 'his wife' - indy100 - October 8th, 2022 [October 8th, 2022]
- Woman Gives Up Career to Have Kids, On 3rd Wedding Anniversary Turns Out Her Husband Is Childfree Story of the Day - AmoMama - September 27th, 2022 [September 27th, 2022]
- Woman Kicking Out Brother's Girlfriend and Kid for Lack of 'Respect' Backed - Newsweek - September 27th, 2022 [September 27th, 2022]
- Guy Reveals He's Afraid To Have Kids In Today's Economy, People Chime In With Personal Stories - Bored Panda - September 27th, 2022 [September 27th, 2022]
- 15 Awesome Reasons To Be Childfree By Choice - Bonobology.com - September 20th, 2022 [September 20th, 2022]
- Verena Brunschweigers Do Childfree People Have Better Sex? Is A Lot ... - September 20th, 2022 [September 20th, 2022]
- r/childfree - "...and most importantly, a mom." -NASA astronaut ... - September 20th, 2022 [September 20th, 2022]
- 50 Parents Get Raw And Honest About What They Regret About Having Kids - Bored Panda - September 20th, 2022 [September 20th, 2022]
- Nearly 40% of Americans Think $500K Is Enough To Retire -- Are They Wrong? - GOBankingRates - September 20th, 2022 [September 20th, 2022]
- I really need some hand holding. I'm a beginner and need help with budgeting and investing. Whats my first step? - MarketWatch - September 20th, 2022 [September 20th, 2022]
- doctors - childfree - reddit - September 15th, 2022 [September 15th, 2022]
- INTERNATIONAL CHILDFREE DAY - August 1, 2023 - National Today - September 15th, 2022 [September 15th, 2022]
- Childfree Woman Wonders If She's A Jerk For Refusing To Help Out ... - September 15th, 2022 [September 15th, 2022]
- Tubal Ligation and Vasectomy: Everything You Should Know - theSkimm - September 15th, 2022 [September 15th, 2022]
- Mother Freaks Out After Finding Out How Much Her Childfree Cousin Spent On A Vacation, Calls Her 'Disgusting' - Bored Panda - September 9th, 2022 [September 9th, 2022]
- Woman Who Unpopularly Decided To Never Have Children Reflects On It Now That She's 85 Years Old - Bored Panda - September 9th, 2022 [September 9th, 2022]
- Guy Comes Up With A Brilliant Plan To Intentionally Drink Before Family Gatherings To Dodge Babysitting Duties Which Usually Fall On Him - Bored Panda - September 9th, 2022 [September 9th, 2022]
- Someone Wonders What's The Most Ridiculous Reason Your Child Had A Meltdown? And 50 Parents Give Hilarious Answers - Bored Panda - September 3rd, 2022 [September 3rd, 2022]
- Children? More than 1 in 5 U.S. adults dont want them - Marin Independent Journal - August 23rd, 2022 [August 23rd, 2022]
- People Who Decided Not To Have Kids Share How Their Lives Turned Out (30 Posts) - Bored Panda - August 23rd, 2022 [August 23rd, 2022]
- Pros and Cons: Why You May (or May Not) Want To Rent Out Your Space - GOBankingRates - August 23rd, 2022 [August 23rd, 2022]
- Buyers and Sellers Have Retreated From The Housing Market For Now, Advisors Say - Financial Advisor Magazine - August 23rd, 2022 [August 23rd, 2022]
- It's Time To End Stressful Partings, Home Pet Euthanasia Is Here - PRUnderground - August 23rd, 2022 [August 23rd, 2022]
- Living a 'childfree' life: 1 in 5 adults don't want to have kids - Study Finds - July 29th, 2022 [July 29th, 2022]
- The Childfree Effigy: On Network's Diana and the Tropes That Betray Women - Literary Hub - July 29th, 2022 [July 29th, 2022]
- 'I'm a Mother of Three, But I Never Wanted Children' - Newsweek - July 29th, 2022 [July 29th, 2022]
- Women say they 'shouldn't have to beg' for a tubal ligation: 'Motherhood is absolutely not for me' - Yahoo Life - July 29th, 2022 [July 29th, 2022]
- Disregard for human life and sexual responsibility is at the core of the pro-abortion movement - Washington Examiner - July 29th, 2022 [July 29th, 2022]
- I grew up in a narcissistic family. I'm not having kids because I want the cycle to end - Salon - July 25th, 2022 [July 25th, 2022]
- Woman Divorces Her Husband Because He Suddenly Has A Child, Gets Called The Jerk - Bored Panda - July 25th, 2022 [July 25th, 2022]
- For respectful, encouraging, positive discussion about childfree lifestyle - July 11th, 2022 [July 11th, 2022]
- What Is a Breeding Kink? How Unprotected Sex Became a Turn-On - VICE UK - July 11th, 2022 [July 11th, 2022]
- Expert Investing Tips: Where To Start When Buying Stocks for the First Time - GOBankingRates - July 11th, 2022 [July 11th, 2022]
- Permanent Birth Control Is in Demand in the U.S.But Hard to Get - Yahoo Life - July 11th, 2022 [July 11th, 2022]
- 12 People Reveal The Things That Costs More For Women Than Men - ScoopWhoop - July 4th, 2022 [July 4th, 2022]
- Am I The Jerk For Bringing My Baby To A Child-Free Wedding? - July 3rd, 2022 [July 3rd, 2022]
- Responding to the Roe Rollback - Wealth Management - June 30th, 2022 [June 30th, 2022]
- The Economics of Abortion in a Post-Roe World - The Dispatch - June 22nd, 2022 [June 22nd, 2022]
- Susan Said She Hopes I Get Hit By A Car?: Discussion Ensues After Woman Shares How Being The Only Single Childless Person At Work Is Wild - Bored... - June 20th, 2022 [June 20th, 2022]
- What's a DINK? Here's what its like to be a couple that revels in having 'dual income, no kids' - Yahoo Philippines News - June 5th, 2022 [June 5th, 2022]
- Back In High School, Her Boyfriend Gave Up 2 Children For Adoption But He Kept This A Secret From Her - Chip Chick - May 31st, 2022 [May 31st, 2022]
- "Am I Wrong For Not Attending My Daughter's Gender Reveal For Her ... - May 25th, 2022 [May 25th, 2022]
- Childfree Humor: 35 Jokes And Memes By People Who Don't Regret Their Childfree Lifestyle - Bored Panda - May 25th, 2022 [May 25th, 2022]
- Dog Mom Vents About Being Excluded From Mother's Day Outing, Throws A Tantrum When Friend Tries To Explain That It's Not The Same As Having Children -... - May 25th, 2022 [May 25th, 2022]
- Comic Artist Captures the Daily Pressures of What It's Like To Be a Woman Today - My Modern Met - May 25th, 2022 [May 25th, 2022]
- Vicki Larson: Its time to get creative about what affordable housing means - Marin Independent Journal - May 25th, 2022 [May 25th, 2022]
- Motherhood isn't contingent on a romantic relationship. So why do we still treat it that way? - WBUR News - May 17th, 2022 [May 17th, 2022]
- Addressing the Global Stigma of Being Childfree - New Security Beat - May 15th, 2022 [May 15th, 2022]
- What if your future husband wants kids? One womans struggle to be sterilized at 24 - Yahoo News - May 15th, 2022 [May 15th, 2022]
- Portraits of Childfree Wealth by Jay Zigmont, PhD, CFP ... - May 7th, 2022 [May 7th, 2022]
- The Family - Noba - May 7th, 2022 [May 7th, 2022]
- Brighton and Hove News Eleanor Conway: Talk Dirty To Me - Brighton and Hove News - May 7th, 2022 [May 7th, 2022]
- Mothers Explain Why They Regret Having Kids In 30 Honest Posts - Bored Panda - May 7th, 2022 [May 7th, 2022]
- More women are saying no to motherhood more than ever - WXYZ 7 Action News Detroit - April 29th, 2022 [April 29th, 2022]
- It's Time For The Best Parenting Tweets Of The Month, And Here Are 35 That Might Crack You Up - Bored Panda - April 29th, 2022 [April 29th, 2022]
- The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves - Freethought Blogs - April 29th, 2022 [April 29th, 2022]
- This Dad Says Motherhood Has Changed His Wife for the Worse & Its Striking a Chord On Reddit - SheKnows - March 23rd, 2022 [March 23rd, 2022]
- Jessie Gurunathan: Stop asking me why I don't have kids - New Zealand Herald - March 23rd, 2022 [March 23rd, 2022]
- Pope Francis comments on parenthood are nothing new for ... - March 11th, 2022 [March 11th, 2022]
- Fighting Abortion Now Requires Fighting Increasing Hatred Of Children - The Federalist - March 8th, 2022 [March 8th, 2022]
- Parent-Of-2 Refuses To Attend Sister's Childfree Wedding ... - February 28th, 2022 [February 28th, 2022]
- Lovers of sunshine and attention: Meet the dairy goats at Cheyenne Mountain Zoo - Colorado Springs Gazette - February 28th, 2022 [February 28th, 2022]
- Mum perplexed as pal bans her from birthday party - after planning a trip away - The Mirror - February 28th, 2022 [February 28th, 2022]