The devil went down to Silicon Valley; he was looking for a soul to steal. But he ended up taking a consulting gig with Palantir instead.
In the meantime, the algorithms in charge of punishing the wicked now. And these days the sign above hells gates reads Abandon Open Source, with an Amazon smile beneath the print.
Those condemned to an eternity of pain and suffering in the modern era are now forced to read the same five AI articles over and over.
Which kind of sounds like what its like to read tech news back here on Earth anyway. Dont believe me? Lets dive in.
No it wasnt. These articles usually involve a text generator such as OpenAIs GPT-3. The big idea is that the journalist will either pay for access or collaborate with OpenAI to get GPT-3 to generate text from various prompts.
The journalist will ask something silly like can AI ever truly think like a human? and then GPT-3 will use that prompt to generate a specific number of outputs.
Then, the journalists and editors go to work. Theyll pick the best responses, mix and match sentences that make the most sense, and then discard the rest.
This is the editorial equivalent of taking the collected works of Stephen King, copy/pasting a single sentence from each book into a word doc, and then claiming youve published an entirely new book from the master of horror.
In hell, you stand in a long line to read hyperbolic, made-up stories about AIs capabilities. And, as your ultimate punishment, you have to rewrite them for the next person in line.
I remember reading about an early funding round for an AI company called PredPol. It had raised several million dollars to develop an AI system capable of predicting crime before it happens.
Im sorry. Perhaps you didnt read that right. It says: predicting crime before it happens.
This is something thats impossible. And I dont mean technologically impossible, I mean not possible within the realms of classical or quantum physics.
You see crime isnt generated from hotspots like mobs spawning in an MMO every 5 minutes. A first year statistics or physics student understands that no amount of historical data can predict where new crimes will occur. Mostly because the past isnt literally prescient. But, also, its impossible to know how many crimes have actually been committed.Most crimes go unreported.
PredPol cant predict crime. It predicts arrests based on historical data. In other words: PredPol tells you where youve already arrested people and then says try there again. Simply put: it doesnt work because it cant work.
But it raised money and raised money until one day it grew into a full-grown company worth billions all for doing nothing.
In hell, you have to read funding stories about billion-dollar AI startups that dont actually do anything or solve any problems. And youre not allowed to skim.
Theres variations on this one Googles AI demonstrates a 72% reduction in racial bias, Amazons new algorithm is 87% better at spotting and removing Naziproducts from its store front and theyre all bunk.
Big techs favorite PR company is the mainstream media.
Facebook will, as a hypothetical example, say something like our new algorithms are 80% more efficient at finding and removing toxic content in real time, and thats when the telephone game starts.
Youll see half a dozen reputable news outlets printing headlines that basically say Facebooks new algorithms make it 80% less toxic. And thats simply not true.
If a chef were to tell you theyve adopted a new cooking technique that results in 80% less fecal matter being detected in the soup theyre about to serve, you probably wouldnt think that was a good thing.
Increasing the efficiency of an algorithm doesnt result in a unilateral increase in overall system efficiency. And, because statistical correlations are incredibly difficult to make when you dont have access to the actual data being discussed, the people writing up these stories are simply taking the big tech marketing teams word for it.
In hell, you have to read articles about big tech companies that only have quotes from people who work at those companies and statistics that cant possibly be verified.
Weve all read these stories. They cover the biggest issues in the world of AI as if theyre writing about the weather.
The story will be something like Clearview AI gets new government contracts, and the coverage will quote a politician, the CEO of Clearview, and someone representing law enforcement.
The gist of the piece will be Ethics aside, law enforcement agencies say these products are invaluable.
And then, way down towards the end of the article, youll see the obligatory studies have shown that facial recognition struggles to identify some faces. Experts warn against the use of such technologies until this bias can be solved.
In hell, every AI article you read starts with the sentence this doesnt work as well for Black people or women, but were just going to move past that like it isnt important.
My least favorite AI article is the ones that profess to tell me what non-experts think.
These are the articles with headlines like Study: 80% of people believe AI will be sentient within a decade and 75% of moms think Alexa is a danger to children.
These studies are typically conducted by consultancy companies that specialize in this sort of thing. And usually theyre not out conducting studies on the speculation that some journalist will find their workappealing. They get paid to do their research.
And by research, I mean: sourcing answers on Amazons Mechanical Turk or giving campus students a gift card to fill out a survey.
These studies are often bought and paid for ahead of time by an AI company as a marketing tool.
These pitches, in my inbox, usually look something like Hey Tristan, did you hear that 92% of CEOs dont know what Kubernetes is? Are you interested in this exclusive study and a conversation with Dr Knows Itall, founder of the Online School For Learning AI Good? They can speak to the challenges of hiring quality IT talent.
Can you spot the rubbish?
In hell, the algorithm tells you that you can read articles covering actual computer science research as soon as you finish reading all the vapid survey pieces on AI published in mainstream outlets.
But youre never done are you? Theres always another. What do soccer dads think about gendered voice assistants? What percentage of people think data is a character on Star Trek? Will driverless cars be a reality in 2022? Heres what Tesla owners think.
Yes, AI hell is a place filled with horrors beyond comprehension. And, just in case you havent figured it out yet, were already here. This article has been your orientation.
Now if youll just sign in to Google News, well get started (Apple News is currently not available in hell due to legal issues concerning the App Store).
Read more here:
The 5 articles you read in AI hell - The Next Web
- Conservative News Websites Hacked, Replaced With Page Leaking Private Information - Mediaite - May 3rd, 2024 [May 3rd, 2024]
- Bring Me The Horizon's album 'POST HUMAN: NeX GEn' will arrive this summer - NME - January 10th, 2024 [January 10th, 2024]
- Bring Me The Horizon - Post Human: Next Gen - East Oregonian - January 10th, 2024 [January 10th, 2024]
- From Usher to Green Day, these are the top albums you'll want to hear in 2024! - Yahoo News UK - January 10th, 2024 [January 10th, 2024]
- Bring Me The Horizon Unveils New Single 'Kool-Aid', Teases Upcoming Album 'Post Human' - BNN Breaking - January 10th, 2024 [January 10th, 2024]
- SPRR1A is a key downstream effector of MiR-150 during both ... - Nature.com - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- Daily briefing: Birds build nests from anti-bird spikes - Nature.com - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- Windsor man connected to active missing person case faces ... - Charleston Post Courier - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- How bad is a Phoenix heat wave? The perils of burning pavements ... - The Washington Post - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- Human Insulin Market Demand, In-depth Analysis and Estimated ... - Digital Journal - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- Film Commentary: How I Learned to Start Worrying and Fear the Bot" - artsfuse.org - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- Six curators talk about the artists on their radar - ArtsHub - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- The Biggest X-Men Wins In Marvel Comics Last Five Years - CBR - Comic Book Resources - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- A mom owed nearly $102000 for her son's stay in a state mental ... - NPR - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- Federal Ruling Approves Construction of North America's Largest ... - Slashdot - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- Program To Attract Tech Workers From the US Hits Capacity On ... - Slashdot - July 19th, 2023 [July 19th, 2023]
- Partial convergence of the human vaginal and rectal maternal ... - Nature.com - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- Tiny device mimics human vision and memory abilities - Science Daily - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- A meta-analysis of correction effects in science-relevant ... - Nature.com - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- Mechanistic basis for potent neutralization of Sin Nombre hantavirus ... - Nature.com - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- Doctors Are Using ChatGPT to Improve How They Talk to Patients - The New York Times - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- Libya: Briefing and Consultations : What's In Blue - Security Council Report - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- Water managers tend to focus on climate adaptation, shy away from ... - The Longmont Leader - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- North America's Weather Turns Weird, Wild, and Extreme. Here's Why - Slashdot - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- LSD Fact Check: Fake photos implying human with lumpy skin ... - Morung Express - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- Sir Ben Okri: Being honoured means helping the human race to be ... - msnNOW - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- Shock and Awe: Life in Iraq Twenty Years after the US-led Invasion - Arab Center Washington DC - June 18th, 2023 [June 18th, 2023]
- Florida man allegedly killed stepdaughters ex in front of victims 4-year-old just hours after he was awarded split custody: Police - Law & Crime - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- Organ on a chip: The new lab setup scientists are using instead of animals to test new drugs - The Hindu - February 26th, 2023 [February 26th, 2023]
- QCPD arrests UP prof over alleged non-remittance of SSS contributions; orgs call for her release - GMA News Online - February 7th, 2023 [February 7th, 2023]
- Disappointing end to UK space mission as satellites fail to reach orbit - The Guardian - January 10th, 2023 [January 10th, 2023]
- We got space suits at a thrift shop for 20cents & learned theyre real NASA apparel worth $1,000s thanks t... - The US Sun - January 10th, 2023 [January 10th, 2023]
- Boeing: Space Overview - November 25th, 2022 [November 25th, 2022]
- Did Darwin Say It Is 'Not the Strongest of Species That Survives' but the 'Most Adaptable'? - Snopes.com - October 17th, 2022 [October 17th, 2022]
- Descendant of 'Dracula' author to share 'story behind the story' - Bowling Green Daily News - October 17th, 2022 [October 17th, 2022]
- Oct. 13 Letters to the Editor: Our Readers' Opinions - Lewiston Morning Tribune - October 17th, 2022 [October 17th, 2022]
- Royal commission into veteran suicides to commence hearings in Darwin this week - ABC News - October 17th, 2022 [October 17th, 2022]
- GOP secretary of state nominees will appear at event with Lara Logan, who pushes antisemitic conspiracy theories - Media Matters for America - October 17th, 2022 [October 17th, 2022]
- Augmenting the past to appeal to new museum audiences - ArtsHub - October 17th, 2022 [October 17th, 2022]
- Hard-hit citrus industry in Florida will mean higher consumer prices - FreshPlaza.com - October 15th, 2022 [October 15th, 2022]
- Chorley teen with Asperger's selected to represent the UK in judo at Virtus Games in Australia - Lancashire Evening Post - October 15th, 2022 [October 15th, 2022]
- The Datasets Were Looking At This Week - FiveThirtyEight - October 6th, 2022 [October 6th, 2022]
- Before Dark Web, The First Appearance Of Spider-Clone Ben Reilly - Bleeding Cool News - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- The Wrangler Clone Jeep Wants To Ban - SlashGear - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- Range Rover stolen in Birmingham found in Scotland with cloned plates - Birmingham Live - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- The 10 Best Clones in 'Star Wars' Canon, Ranked - We Got This Covered - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- Lori Harvey is Dating 'They Cloned Tyrone' Star John Boyega - TheTealMango - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- John Oliver Warns Us About a Trump Clone With the Army on His Side - Rolling Stone - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- Hold court in house once owned by Clones rugby and tennis star - Independent.ie - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- OnePlus 11R Specs Reveal A OnePlus 10T Clone Almost - Android Headlines - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- What the $70 iPhone 14 Pro Max clone offers - Royals Blue - October 2nd, 2022 [October 2nd, 2022]
- UK Government Bodies Behind Nanotechnology Research Funding - AZoNano - August 30th, 2022 [August 30th, 2022]
- Bar-Ilan University researchers produce nanodiamonds capable of delivering medicinal and cosmetic remedies through the skin - EurekAlert - August 30th, 2022 [August 30th, 2022]
- BYD to Participate in the 2022 Paris Motor Show and reveal Dolphin, Seal, and Yuan Plus for Europe - CarNewsChina - July 31st, 2022 [July 31st, 2022]
- NCIS: Los Angeles Season 14 is not coming to CBS in August 2022 - Web News Observer - July 31st, 2022 [July 31st, 2022]
- The Absolute Best Ways To Keep Bell Peppers Fresh - Tasting Table - July 31st, 2022 [July 31st, 2022]
- Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh Set the Runway on Fire; Manish Malhotra calls them Phenomenal - News18 - July 31st, 2022 [July 31st, 2022]
- ITR filing: Having trouble with e-verification, legal heir registration, check these FAQs by Income Tax Dept - Times Now - July 31st, 2022 [July 31st, 2022]
- Moomoo Releases New Data: 84% Of US Adults Regularly Worry About Their Finances; Fewer Than Half Had Money Management Education - PR Newswire - May 20th, 2022 [May 20th, 2022]
- Could Will Smith lose his Oscar? Explaining the Academy's code of conduct - New York Post - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Supercharging the future by balancing technology with human intervention - Firstpost - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Bring Me The Horizon Have Achieved Their First Ever Billboard 100 Track With 'Maybe' - ROCKSOUND.TV - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- The internet is crucial - Human Rights Watch - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Kirby and the Forgotten Land Review - Niche Gamer - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Plastic microparticles discovered in human blood for the first time - National Post - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Ukraine: War and the Challenge of Human Rights in the U.S. and Beyond - Scheerpost.com - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Teen girls accused of abducting baby told mother they were human trafficking victims - National Post - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Amnesty International Report 2021/22: The state of the world's human rights [EN/AR] - World - ReliefWeb - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Who Was Leonora Carrington? The Untold Story of the Mystical Surrealist Whose Visions Shaped the 2022 Venice Biennale - artnet News - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Time Has Come for Women & Girls in The Post-2020 Global Biodiversity Framework - IDN InDepthNews | Analysis That Matters - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Human Centric Lighting Market Top Players, Size, Emerging Trends, Share, Growth, Insights, Industry Analysis, and Forecasts Report 2027 - Digital... - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- COVID-19 symptoms are reduced by targeted hydration of the nose, larynx and trachea | Scientific Reports - Nature.com - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Winner with a human touch: Girmay finds a home from home at Intermarch - Cyclingnews.com - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Update on the Democratic Republic of Congo, 29 March 2022 - Democratic Republic of the Congo - ReliefWeb - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Israel's 55-year occupation of Palestinian Territory is apartheid UN human rights expert - occupied Palestinian territory - ReliefWeb - March 29th, 2022 [March 29th, 2022]
- Pope evokes specter of nuclear war wiping out humanity - National Post - March 17th, 2022 [March 17th, 2022]
- The Future is Vast: Longtermism's perspective on humanity's past, present, and future - Our World in Data - March 17th, 2022 [March 17th, 2022]
- Human costs mount in the third week of war in Ukraine - Al Jazeera English - March 17th, 2022 [March 17th, 2022]
- 'Human hunter' sentenced to seven months for chasing couple with machete - Calgary Herald - March 17th, 2022 [March 17th, 2022]
- Here's How The Human Brain Reboots Itself After The Deep Sleep of Anesthesia - ScienceAlert - March 17th, 2022 [March 17th, 2022]