In the wake of yet another scandal involving a therapist abusing his clients, it is time to reassert the importance of yichud, the prohibition of unrelated individuals of opposite genders being alone together. This is true not only as a matter of halacha; Jewish law has always required adherence to this principle, even if it has been disgracefully disregarded.
What is further necessary here is a reassertion of the value of yichud, an understanding and clear application of its underlying concepts and messages. The point here is not merely to advocate for practical compliance, as crucial as that is, but also to fully internalize and institutionalize what yichud represents.
To be perfectly clear at the outset, nothing here is meant to imply, chas vshalom, that had the victims of abuse been more careful about yichud, then they would not have been victimized. The duty to ensure that abuse is not even a remote possibility is on the therapist, and certainly not on the therapists vulnerable patient.
At first glance, yichud is a safeguard, a protective measure to prevent forbidden physical relationships from taking place, uninhibited by the presence of uninvolved parties. Safeguards are common in Jewish law, mandated by the Torah and the Talmud (See Pirkei Avot 1:1, and the Gemara in Yevamot 21a). They are a frequent function of rabbinic legislation, and are even present among Torah prohibitions as well.
While many of the laws of yichud are quite complex and detailed and beyond the scope of this brief essay the basic concept is intuitive, and has indeed been independently adopted by those unversed in Torah law, and unconnected to Judaism. In the twentieth century, the evangelical pastor Billy Graham has had a policy of not spending time alone with a woman other than his wife attributed to him, and more recently the practice has been associated with former Vice President Mike Pence.
However, there are opinions that yichud is more than a safeguard, that it constitutes an inherent transgression, separate and apart from the likelihood that it may lead one to further sin. While this may be a minority opinion, it is reflective of a possibility that yichud contains elements that set it apart from other safeguards, even in the area of forbidden relationships.
One distinction of yichud, both in the eyes of halacha and of society, is that it has the power to confer suspicion upon its violators, even if in actuality, no further transgression took place. Jewish law incorporates this fact into the ritual of the Sotah, the possibly adulterous wife, who is only considered sufficiently mistrusted to undergo the process once she has been established to have secluded with an identified man other than her husband.
Further, yichud may be, as implied by the Talmud and accepted by some rabbinic authorities, not only a rabbinically mandated safeguard, but one ordained by the Torah itself. In numerous places in the rabbinic texts, yichud is associated with an unexpected verse, one seemingly unrelated in context. This verse (Devarim 13:7), deals with one who entices another to worship idols, known as a meisit, and the highlighted words are Ki yesitcha achicha ben imecha when your brother, the son of your mothershall entice you secretly
Whether or not this constitutes a genuine source for a Torah prohibition; it is noteworthy that the Talmud refers to it as remez, a hint or allusion. If it is not a direct source, at a minimum it bears some thematic relevance, and it seems reasonable to assume that there is additional significance in associating yichud with the enticer to idolatry. Yichud is, in many ways, fundamentally different than other safeguards against forbidden relationships. Other prohibitions, such as affectionate contact or overly familiar interactions, are problematic because of the temptations they magnify or the slippery slope they represent. Yichud is that and more. At the outset, it establishes a sinister tone, similar to that of the inciter. The door that shuts out observers declares that judgment and the standards of society may be left outside as well.
It is noteworthy that during the times that a married couple is prohibited to each other, there are safeguards imposed upon them that exceed those applied to an unmarried pair. They are, however, permitted to be alone together. Yichud generally does not apply to those whose cohabitation is innocent, even if physical intimacy is prohibited between them. The application of yichud to a relationship is meant to automatically convey that seclusion is inherently inappropriate and transmits a tone of lawlessness.
In the context of a therapeutic relationship, this takes on greater significance. The therapist is there to assist. Certainly, there is a dynamic of inequality, one which may inhibit the client from resisting or even objecting to any inappropriate advance. More egregious, still, is the inversion of the purpose of the relationship. A therapist who locks the door, who secludes with a vulnerable client, is transmitting the message that in the place of facilitating emotional stability, he is creating a context of added vulnerability for the client, conveying a disregard for communal standards, announcing that should the clients trust be broken no one will be able to come to the rescue. Further, to the extent he bears any moral authority, he is instilling a fundamental confusion as to the basic principles of right and wrong, and the rule of religious law. It is a devastating form of moral gaslighting.
In that vein, there is an additional symbolism being conveyed by linking the secluder to the inciter of idolatry. R. Yaakov Tzvi Mecklenberg, in his HaKetav VHaKaballah, notes that there is a specific meaning to the root of the word meisit. It is distinct from the word mefateh, which denotes seducer. The seducer accomplishes his goals by convincing his target of the great pleasure or personal benefit that comes from the transgression. By contrast, the meisit convinces his target that the act is not merely desirable, but that it is ethically correct. It is a nefarious act of moral manipulation. Linking this status to that of the secluder sheds light on the particular damage that can occur when the one closing the door carries any veneer of religious authority or influence.
Of course, the therapist must create a safe space for the client to speak openly and with the necessary guarantee of confidentiality. Nonetheless, there can be no safety of this type in a space that is, at the same time, in any number of ways, horribly unsafe.
While the halachic responsibility in the area of yichud is bilateral, the moral weight is on the therapist, who creates the environment and controls the expectations of what is and isnt acceptable. To hold the client responsible to serve as the voice of propriety in this dependent situation is to add another layer of victimization.
The neglect of yichud in therapeutic or mentorship contexts has always been an unacceptable halachic violation. It is increasingly clear, moreover, that the themes and messages embedded within yichud and its sources are instructive as to what is necessary to create a supportive environment, and, conversely, what destroys one. One who would purport to heal must make unquestionably clear that first, he intends no harm.
Read more here:
Yichud And Its Messages For Therapists - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com
- Honoring EFRAT: An organization that provides support to parents - The Jerusalem Post - February 18th, 2024 [February 18th, 2024]
- For the Yehudim There Was Light - COLlive - February 18th, 2024 [February 18th, 2024]
- Book Review: Subculture Vulture, by Moshe Kasher - The New York Times - January 29th, 2024 [January 29th, 2024]
- Palestine, the Jews, the Talmud and the Aleppo Codex | Jaime Kardontchik | The Blogs - The Times of Israel - January 29th, 2024 [January 29th, 2024]
- Israel-Hamas War: Yearning for children lost before their time - The Jerusalem Post - January 29th, 2024 [January 29th, 2024]
- Roots, Midrash and Tu B'Shvat | Gershon Hepner | The Blogs - The Times of Israel - January 29th, 2024 [January 29th, 2024]
- Emotional moments as awards are given out to the talmidim of Talmud Torah Kollel Shomrei Hachomos Rockland Daily - Rockland Daily - January 23rd, 2024 [January 23rd, 2024]
- The People's Talmud Presents: RANDOM Brain Teasers - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - January 23rd, 2024 [January 23rd, 2024]
- Why the Jewish Word for Heretic Is Based on Epicurus - Greek Reporter - January 23rd, 2024 [January 23rd, 2024]
- War, Talmud, and agriculture - opinion - The Jerusalem Post - December 28th, 2023 [December 28th, 2023]
- Claims on 'Canaan' by Africans and Arabs in the Talmud - The Times of Israel - December 28th, 2023 [December 28th, 2023]
- Berakhot (tractate) - Wikipedia - January 4th, 2023 [January 4th, 2023]
- Talmud and Midrash | Definition, Books, Examples, & Facts - January 4th, 2023 [January 4th, 2023]
- The William Davidson Talmud The William Davidson Talmud - December 26th, 2022 [December 26th, 2022]
- Switching My Kids to This Jewish Day School from Public School Was a Godsend and Came Just in Time - Kveller.com - December 23rd, 2022 [December 23rd, 2022]
- Humans of Heller High: What nine teens learned on an immersive program in Israel - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - December 16th, 2022 [December 16th, 2022]
- Jesus in the Talmud - Wikipedia - November 23rd, 2022 [November 23rd, 2022]
- The Oral Law -Talmud & Mishna - Jewish Virtual Library - October 23rd, 2022 [October 23rd, 2022]
- Creating Humanity and Midrash in the Divine Image - Jewish Exponent - October 19th, 2022 [October 19th, 2022]
- Help Jewish Federation do good that goes everywhere - Jewish Community Voice - October 19th, 2022 [October 19th, 2022]
- On the Turkish-Syrian border, a citys last Jews watch the ending of an epoch - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - October 19th, 2022 [October 19th, 2022]
- Cate Blanchett gives what might be her best performance ever in TR - Cult MTL - October 19th, 2022 [October 19th, 2022]
- Revisiting The Campus Archives - New Voices - October 19th, 2022 [October 19th, 2022]
- Opinion | Wood column: Reliever Larry Sherry went from obscurity to fame in a moment - The Daily Advance - October 19th, 2022 [October 19th, 2022]
- The Moon Provides an All-Star Example of Sincere Repentance - Torah.org - October 19th, 2022 [October 19th, 2022]
- Was the fruit of the Tree of Life from which Adam and Eve ate really an apple? J-Wire - J-Wire Jewish Australian News Service - October 19th, 2022 [October 19th, 2022]
- Major raids into Al-Aqsa and the Occupation prevents worshipers from entering - Middle East Monitor - October 17th, 2022 [October 17th, 2022]
- Funny Girl Star Tovah Feldshuh on Sharing the Stage With Lea Michele and What the Talmud Says About Gossip - Variety - October 15th, 2022 [October 15th, 2022]
- No-bake 'millionaire' bars are a rich treat for a sweet Simchat Torah J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - October 15th, 2022 [October 15th, 2022]
- Jewish donations to support abortion rights groups are booming J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - October 15th, 2022 [October 15th, 2022]
- Superminis Remix Of The Phantom Of The Operas Title Song is Out Now - Yahoo Entertainment - October 15th, 2022 [October 15th, 2022]
- Joey Weisenberg coming to S.F. to help build 'singing communities' J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - October 15th, 2022 [October 15th, 2022]
- Islamic Tahrif Began With The Samaritans OpEd - Eurasia Review - October 13th, 2022 [October 13th, 2022]
- Rosh Hashanah threats show that Jewish students are being targeted - JNS.org - October 13th, 2022 [October 13th, 2022]
- Freedom to cycle The female Afghan refugees rediscovering life on the bike in Italy - CyclingWeekly - October 13th, 2022 [October 13th, 2022]
- Rabbi: Lets recommit to one another and get the polio vaccine | Opinion - NJ.com - October 13th, 2022 [October 13th, 2022]
- How and when did the first synagogues appear in Ukraine, and why is this an important aspect of Ukrainian history (Pt. 1) - UJE - Ukrainian Jewish... - October 13th, 2022 [October 13th, 2022]
- The Facts about Pope John Paul I Novus Ordo Watch - October 11th, 2022 [October 11th, 2022]
- My ApologiesKanye West Isn't What I Told You - The Epoch Times - October 11th, 2022 [October 11th, 2022]
- A new cookbook highlights women of the Talmud - Press Herald - October 8th, 2022 [October 8th, 2022]
- The greatest contemporary teacher of Judaism is a van driver in Israel - Religion News Service - October 8th, 2022 [October 8th, 2022]
- Letter to the Editor: Rabbis do take political stands when morality, ethics and national threats are involved - Summit Daily - October 8th, 2022 [October 8th, 2022]
- Taking inspiration from the Talmud to feed the needy - Australian Jewish News - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- Kenden Alfond Finds Culinary Inspiration from the Talmud - aish.com - Aish.com - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- Missouri bagel shop goes viral for effort to feed the needy J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- What Do Some of YU's Torah Leaders Think of the Five Torot? - The Commentator - The Commentator - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- Gorbachev was different he had a heart - The Jewish Standard - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- Love is a Skeleton Key - aish.com - Aish.com - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- 50 Best Wine Quotes That Will Have You Breaking Out a Bottle Stat! - Parade Magazine - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- We have faced Amaleks like Putin forever, but with morality we can prevail J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- Being On The Team - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- Twelve more Slovaks awarded Righteous Among the Nations - The Slovak Spectator - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- West Temples Rabbi Lader to retire in June 2023 - Cleveland Jewish News - September 11th, 2022 [September 11th, 2022]
- A Texas rabbi is fighting Jewish stereotypes on Chinas TikTok - The Times of Israel - August 29th, 2022 [August 29th, 2022]
- I'm a Gamblin' Man: The 17th Century Rabbi who Battled Addiction - aish.com - Aish.com - August 29th, 2022 [August 29th, 2022]
- Q & A: The Mantle Of Leadership (Part II) - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 29th, 2022 [August 29th, 2022]
- Anger, Procrastination, and Elul - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 29th, 2022 [August 29th, 2022]
- What Is the Talmud? - Christianity.com - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- The Choice: A Novel of Love, Faith, and the Talmud - reviewed by Rabbi Jeffrey Cohen J-Wire - J-Wire Jewish Australian News Service - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- What If It Were 'Zalman'? - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- Jewish law symposium to tackle the ethics of cancel culture and redemption - The Jewish Standard - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- What I'm Reading (Aug. 25) | American Council on Science and Health - American Council on Science and Health - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- Apples of Our Eyes: Stories of the Unforgettable Teachers Who Illuminated Our Minds and Marked Our Lives - Jewish Journal - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- Here Comes the Judge - Jewish Exponent - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- Asking the Clergy: Your faith and recreational marijuana - Newsday - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- When Judaism considers the future, it looks to the past - Jewish Community Voice - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- The Judaism And Zionism Of David Sarnoff - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- Blessings From Studying The Zera Shimshon - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- You Say it but Do You Believe it? - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- Facing a personal reckoning, with a dose of absurdity, on a bus tour of Naziland - Forward - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- Ezra Furman and the Tireless, Sacred Work of Being Alive | Interview - The Line of Best Fit - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- The Long and Short of a Well-Rounded Shabbos - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- At many Bay Area synagogues, the real action is social action J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - August 25th, 2022 [August 25th, 2022]
- Abortion is a religious issue, but not in the way you think - Santa Fe New Mexican - August 6th, 2022 [August 6th, 2022]
- Jews and Muslims are fasting next week. Let's hold the interfaith activities another time. - Cleveland Jewish News - August 6th, 2022 [August 6th, 2022]
- A Pennsylvania candidate for governor cuts ties with Gab, and antisemitism on the site spikes - Forward - August 6th, 2022 [August 6th, 2022]
- Reading the Book of Psalms in the Twenty-First Century - Jewish Journal - August 6th, 2022 [August 6th, 2022]
- Rabbi's Caroline's invocation kicking off the Mayoral debate - Islander News.com - August 6th, 2022 [August 6th, 2022]
- Jewish Perspectives On Termination Of Pregnancy - Los Alamos Daily Post - August 6th, 2022 [August 6th, 2022]
- Tuesdays primaries offered a glint of hope for Democrats this fall - The Guardian - August 6th, 2022 [August 6th, 2022]