At a Place Where He Was Supposed to Be Safe, He Was Molested – The New York Times

By junior high school, a girl-besotted Mills is sent to a coed summer camp funded by the UJA-Federation, a Jewish philanthropic organization. The director, Dan Farinella, with his big shoulders, powerful arms and broad chest, a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his left shirtsleeve, likes to horse around with male campers.

One night, after a sex-ed film, Farinella summons Mills, saying, Dont worry, you didnt do anything. I just like to get to know my campers. He then proceeds to test and groom Mills, taking him for long walks, quizzing him about masturbation, preying on his isolation. Mills is flattered, as are his parents when Farinella shows up in the off-season, bringing a box of cannoli when he whisks Mills away for a weekend of projects at camp.

Once on their beds in the infirmary, Mills says, Farinella tosses him a pornographic magazine, pushes him down on a mattress and fellates him. I closed my eyes and prayed, Mills writes. Im not here. Im not here. When he opens his eyes, I was floating, looking down at my body, as if it belonged to someone else.

Anyone whos listened to accounts of abuse survivors will recognize certain characteristics the disassociation, the shame, the self-flagellation. But Mills has his fathers instincts as a writer. He fills his story with indelible details the Brylcreem in his predators hair, the cloying compliment Farinella pays Millss stepfather when he arrives to invite Mills to the Bahamas for Christmas. And Mills does a nuanced job of capturing his own emotions, how he blames himself for getting aroused, how he delights when Farinella gives him a Led Zeppelin album, how he imagines the glowing letter of recommendation his abuser will write to colleges.

That commitment to honesty continues in the books second section, Flight, as Mills opens up about his descent into drugs, petty crimes and paranoia. He sabotages promising relationships with women, joins a yeshiva in Jerusalem, drops out of grad school, then volunteers at a refugee camp in Thailand, where he becomes ill. When a doctor tells him hes suffering from post-traumatic stress, Mills returns to New York to seek help.

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At a Place Where He Was Supposed to Be Safe, He Was Molested - The New York Times