Russian Roulette Of Time-keeping: The Conor Pass – Todayuknews – Todayuknews

Ive lost my composure, and now Im parked on Strand Rd

DEAR Diary Its Thursday afternoon, and Ive parked on Strand Road, Tralee, which is not all that near my office on Denny Street. I panicked, okay? I couldnt find a space in my usual haunt, the Brandon Car Park, and I fell apart. Graphically.

I was already late for my usual 2pm Thursday start. I was in Dingle this afternoon and decided to take the Conor Pass to work, and it was a very busy day on Irelands quirkiest roadway. If you catch the Pass on a good day, itll save time. If you dont, you are in Hell, my friend. The Conor Pass is to time-keeping what Russian Roulette is to the neurological system.

TodayI lost, and whats worse is my sister knows I lost. I meet her in the Brandon as shes awaiting a driving lesson. Its 2.10pm, and I should be working.She says nothing, but she knows. Shes shaming me through eye contact alone.

Butironically, a Fun Fair is set to make my day less fun still. I forget there was one here, in the Brandon, eating into the available spaces. This car park has nothing to offer this crazed motorist today.

Nows the time for cool heads, and thats where I fall down. I take a quick look for the spaces nearer the town square, there arent any there, but instead of heading out towards Denny Street, Ashe Street, that part of the world, I tear off in a temper towards Strand Road, which is metaphorically miles away.

I even pass a few spaces. I decide theyre not big enough, though they probably are; my mind is playing games with me, and Im happy to indulge my inner chimp because I lack composure. I am late, but Ill be damned if my mind cant make things worse.

I am now a liquid and might soon evaporate on top of that

DEAR Diary Im walking to work from Strand Road, so its still Thursday, although I feel like itll soon be Friday.

Im wearing a jumper, and it is roasting. Im in this situation because I dressed for West Kerry weather its not all that warm in the part of the world I woke up in today with no consideration for Tralees less temperate climate. As I pass the Bon Secours hospital, I observe that I have now turned from solid to liquid that is to say Im now sweat so I must consider my options.

But I only have one, and thats to go topless, which is not something I or anyone else wants to see happening. The Bon Secours is a hospital so, with the best will in the world and with all credit to the great work the people there do, not everyone there is going to be in pristine health. Thats just a fact of life in any hospital, and the last thing staff there need is for patients to look out a window and see a scantily clad me. I might be the cause of a bad turn or turns.

I am now as far as the Island of Geese roundabout the Conor Pass of roundabouts and I can sense the town centre drawing nearer. That reassures me in my race against oblivion. The next logical step after becoming a liquid is to evaporate, and I am dangerously close to the final phase of diffusion. Thats hardly ideal when Ive a Teams meeting at 2.30pm and it was already pushed back to give me time to participate.I cant tell the powers that be that I cant log in as I am now a gas.

Going for a pint: breakthrough in arduous negotiations

DEAR Diary Its now the following Wednesday, I did not evaporate last week, and life has instead taken a positive turn in that Im in the closing stages of negotiating a meet-up for a pint with a friend.

Im not sure how my friends feel about me identifying them in the newspaper, so Ive tended towardsgivingthem new identities when writing about them. Youll have read about my buddies Chad, Preston, Herb, Crystal I pick names nobody in West Kerry has but this is a friend who is yet to make his Diary bow. I will call him Tyler, and Tyler is a genuinely sound man.

One does not simply meet up with a friend. Tyler and I began this process back in April, when he suggested we meet up for a cup of tea or a walk.

We did neither, but weve since thrown some fine suggestions back and forth on WhatsApp. We could have played pitch n putt or gone for a spin. He informed me last month that there was Smithwicks back in stock in Garra, which was his way of saying Your drink is there, but you should join me as I drink something thats not Smithwicks in your company.

Suggestions, suggestions. Thats all they were. But now its almost September, and the negotiation process has reached a deal. He thinks we should meet up this week. Again, I agree, but this time we settle on a time and date. I enjoy the atmosphere of Flahertys Bar in Dingle, and thats where we will meet tomorrow night. Im looking forward to it and to filling you in on events in the next Diary.

Do you want to hear about it? No. Will I tell you anyway? Youre God damn right I will.

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Russian Roulette Of Time-keeping: The Conor Pass - Todayuknews - Todayuknews