Category Archives: Golden Rule

Ever since Modern Storyteller revealed that The Forgotten City, the award-winning Skyrim mod, would be remade into a standalone title back in 2018, Ive been very interested in the games progress.

Like many others, Ive always been a huge fan of Skyrim, as its vast world, characters, and storytelling still stands as some of the best in gaming even a decade later. And even though I never dived into its deep modding community, I was still aware of how popular The Forgotten City mod was, as it boasted a unique and exciting story that was part Groundhog Day, part Clue.

Still, the question remains: is this game worthy of being anything more than a mod? Thankfully, after playing a few hours of a preview build of The Forgotten City, I can safely say that it is. Not only that, but I also feel confident in stating that this game is not, in fact, Skyrim, and that is by no means a bad thing.

The Forgotten City opens in the modern-day, with your character being sent into a mysterious Roman ruin littered with golden statues to find a missing man. It isnt long before you find him, though you learn he has become a victim of being turned into one of those statues, as you find out via his final letter.

Alongside his last words, it is also revealed that the only way to escape this place is to venture through a portal and try to stop something known as The Golden Rule from occurring here 2,000 years in the past. With no other choice but to push forward, your character is transported into this time period to complete this task.

As soon as I arrived in The Forgotten City, I was greeted by a helpful citizen named Galerius. After a bit of back and forth, I not only got to know the character but was also given a bit more context into the situation at hand.

Though I was the only one sent from the future, everyone else in The Forgotten City also found themselves arriving here under mysterious circumstances and were unable to leave. Anytime someone did, The Golden Rule prevented their escape, turning them into gold as punishment.

And while the exact guidelines of this rule werent all too clear at the get-go, there were plenty of breadcrumbs laced throughout the preview that helped unravel bits of the mystery little by little. I eventually was led to the head of the community, Magistrate Sentius.

After a bit of conversation, I learned that The Golden Rule is something that is put in place to keep members of this community from committing sins. What exactly counts as a sin, outside of the obvious, is a common topic of debate.

Would suicide count as a sin, even though it only harmed yourself and not others? If people were to die because of a single person, is that not a justifiable reason to kill them before they do it? These are a few of the questions this community lives in fear of, as no one dares test the answers for fear of being turned to gold.

Despite this fear, Sentius knows that someone will violate The Golden Rule at some point soon, dooming the entire community as a result. According to him, the only way to stop it is to find whoever will commit it and kill them. Considering that murder violates this rule, though, your character has to find a way to stop the perpetrator without killing them.

This can only be accomplished by understanding the characters and inner workings of the setting, which comes by way of conversing with all of its citizens. For example, solving a doctors questline leads you to a character that gives you another questline that gives you a bow.

With a bow, you can now venture into an area that would otherwise mean the death of your character. Continuing along these quests will present you with new areas, conversations, and quests that help progress the story.

Its this mysterious, narrative-driven element that helps propel The Forgotten City out of Skyrims shadow. While there is no doubt the games do look similar, The Forgotten Citys focus revolves around talking to people, gathering clues, and making choices.

While Skyrim definitely has plenty of interesting choices that would alter the story, it is far more focused on combat. The Forgotten City is the complete inverse, throwing in combat here and there to further the narrative.

Alas, it wouldnt be a mystery game if there wasnt a monkey wrench thrown in to try and stir things up. Right when I thought I was getting somewhere in the game, something occurred that activated The Golden Rule that I couldnt stop. As soon as it did, statues came to life and began killing everyone around me.

The only way to right this wrong was by running back through the same portal I arrived through. In doing so, I was set right back to where I began. Luckily, all of my memories were intact.

The people around me werent as fortunate, as they were reset to the first time I went through. This meant I was the only one able to use this power.

This situation provides your character with an interesting gameplay element, unlocking dialogue options and situations that were previous locked without the blessing of hindsight. Thanks to this ability, I was able to avoid the trap that set off the Golden Rule last time, allowing me to progress further in the games massive story. And when I say that this game is big, Im not exaggerating.

In this preview build alone, there were 28 different quests and four different endings. And even with all of that content, I was simply left wanting to know more by the end of the preview.

The Forgotten Citys conversation-focused gameplay sunk its teeth into me pretty quickly, making me completely forget that this game had anything to do with Skyrim. I honestly cant wait to unravel the mystery even further when it comes out on PS4, Xbox One, PC, Xbox Series X|S, and PS5 on July 28.

Originally posted here:

The Forgotten City Is Way More Than Just a Skyrim Mod (Hands-on Preview) - Twinfinite

Arsenal's decision to hand Willian a three-year contract has been thrown into focus after reports claimed he wants to leave the club at the end of the season.

Mikel Arteta landed the Brazilian on a free transfer last summer, after he ended his long and successful spell with local rivals Chelsea.

Willian played more than 300 times in his seven seasons at Stamford Bridge, winning three Premier League titles, an FA Cup and a Europa League crown.

"He has the experience of everything in the football world but still has the ambition to come here and contribute to bring the club where it belongs, Arteta said after the signing was announced.

Chelsea did offer the forward a deal to remain with the club, but were unwilling to match what the Gunners had put on the table.

That mainly came down to length of contract, with the Blues not prepared to commit to Willian for as long as his new club.

However, less than a season into that three-year deal, suggestions have been raised that he could look to leave the Emirates.

The Athletic report that he is one of five senior players along with Bernd Leno, Granit Xhaka, David Luiz and Hector Bellerin who are actively looking to leave.

Shifting the under-performing veteran, who is on a reported 100,000-per-week, will not be easy, particularly in the current financial climate.

And it shows why legendary Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger was so reluctant to hand long contracts out to ageing stars.

The Frenchman was in the Gunners dugout when the stadium move was carried out and the financial implications that came along with that.

In those years he tended to sign players with good resale value and admitted in 2010 that once a player reaches 32, Willians age when he signed last summer, he would only go year-to-year.

"It's not over 30, it's over 32. So when you have a player [who is] 32 he will just get a one-year contract, Wenger explained.

It depends on the positions as well. If a central defender, then no problem to sign them until 34. But a striker is different.

After 32 you go from year to year. A midfielder as well, after 32 you go from year-to-year."

Willian netted his first Arsenal goal in Sundays win over West Brom and following the win, Arteta admitted that he had struggled to get the best out of him.

Willi, we have to [demand high standards] because hes done it in the past and we have to demand it much more, he explained. Hes done it for many years and achieved big things in the game. Somehow this season we havent managed to get the best out of him.

It remains to be seen whether Arteta will be given the time to find that level of performance, but either way, looking back, the signing smacks of a transfer mistake that could have been avoided.

Sign up to the Mirror Football email here for the latest news and transfer gossip

Originally posted here:

Arsene Wenger's golden rule proved right as Arsenal flop 'wants to leave this summer' - Mirror Online

We sometimes say of people who cook well that they are born cooks. But no one is born a cook. Good cooks are made. In the best scenarios, some of us have a natural interest in cooking and possibly innate talent, and those are big assets.

But before we can become cooks and provide good food, we all have to learn culinary techniques, which are many and varied. Talent alone, in any field, is never enough: one also needs study, training and practice.

One of cookings simplest dishes is the soft-boiled egg. But theres no single method to achieve a perfect one: someone had to work out technique and timing and others had to learn from them.

The same is true of fried eggs, scrambled eggs and the omelette: you have to learn the golden rules that lead to perfection. And thats just eggs.

Then you have the basic cooking techniques required for boiling a ham, frying chops, sauting mushrooms, roasting a chicken, or chargrilling a rack of pork spareribs.They all have to be learned, not just for themselves, but because they enshrine essential knowledge that will be needed when making a wide range of other dishes.

Frying and sauting are especially important because both are used in starting off dishes such as stews and casseroles. But its not enough to know how to fry and saut you will always get better results if you also realise why certain techniques are essential in the making of successful dishes.

If you want to turn out really succulent stews and casseroles, it is vital to be aware of what is happening when any kind of meat comes into contact with the high heat of a frying pan, grill or barbecue pit.

One way of learning anything is to draw conclusions from the mistakes of others. Its a graphic surefire way of seeing how the right thing should be done.

The other evening I was at my daughters when she was preparing a stew for next day. She had put the meat into a greixonera and was annoyed when the meat, instead of frying and browning, quickly released a great deal of liquid and was stewing merrily in it.

My daughter, like many others the world over, isnt always good at accepting fatherly advice. Several times I have explained to her the technique for browning meat when making a stew. But she pays little attention and commits the same mistakes over and over again.

Most cookbooks tell us that when preparing a stew we should fry the meat to sear the surface and seal in the juices. People who write that have completely misunderstood what happens when meat comes into contact with high heat.

As soon as cubes of meat hit hot oil in a frying pan, muscular tissue shrinks and the meats juices are forced to the top and underside surfaces where they escape. This is natural process and we cant do anything to stop it. Nor do we want to stop it.

Whether we are doing chops or steaks to go from the frying pan to the plate, or frying meat as part of the preparation of stew, we use the same technique.

The meat must be fried over a high heat so the juices that naturally ooze out are immediately caramelised to form a crust round the meat. This forms a barrier that slows the loss of juice.

But plugging leaks is only part of what we are aiming for: the main effect we want is the intense flavour produced by that crust of concentrated juices.

Without that covering of the crunchy solidified juices, a fried or barbecued steak, or a stew or casserole, would be lacking in flavour.

Meat fibres have no taste, because the flavour is in the juices. Thats why a piece of beef that has been simmered for three hours or more is a mound of tasteless fibres: the juices and their flavours have seeped out and are in the stock.

But when those cubes of stewing meat have been fried over a high heat and their seeping juices have caramelised to form a brown crunchy crust, we give them a terrific taste and that means we have made a succulent stew.

The meat in the stew my daughter was preparing hadnt even started to fry and was soon cooking in a big pool of boiling liquid. Where had she gone wrong?

Like many housewives nowadays, my daughter is in big hurry when cooking and frequently tries to cut corners. But you cannot take short cuts when browning meat.

The biggest mistake my daughter made was to tip a kilo of cubed meat into the hot greixonera and expect it to fry quickly and to take on a brown colour.

What actually happened was that the large amount of meat caused a sudden lowering of the temperature. Some of the muscle tissue eventually shrank, but when the juices started to run the heat wasnt strong enough to caramelise them. So instead of forming a crust round the cubes of meat, the juices quickly produced a puddle of liquid in which the stewing meat started to boil.

Two weeks previously I had cooked the same kind of meat from the same butcher my daughter uses and I had no problem with it. Its not that Im a better cook, its simply that long ago I learned the rules as laid down in the chemistry of cooking.

And the golden rule in this case is that when we are browning meat we must to it in small amounts and in a very hot greixonera, frying pan or a wok.

When done this way, the droplets of juice pushed to the surface meet a searing heat that immediately caramelises them and turns them into a flavourful crust.

My daughter tipped a kilo of meat into her greixonera and tried to brown itand failed. I divided my kilo of meat into four batches and fried each one separately. The result was perfectly browned meat.

So the golden rule for browning meat is to fry it in a big frying pan over a very high heat. My daughter will probably continue to cut corners and make the same mistakes, but anyone else should learn the rule and stick to it.

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Food and Wine: Golden rules that lead to perfection - Majorca Daily Bulletin

Mario the Monster ManThe Spider Woman Strikes Back (1946)

The UK dictionary traces henchman to the Old English hengest (meaning stallion), and the first celluloid incarnation of that term could be this mute ranch-hand played by Rondo Hatton, a journalist who suffered from acromegaly. Hattons imposing performance would later inspire the Lothar character in Disneys The Rocketeer (1991).

A proper heavy should have minimal backstory. When we see drug enforcer Snoop browsing nail guns in season four of The Wire, we know enough about her already. Whether she is kneecapping witnesses or being branded terrifying by horror writer Stephen King, Snoop is a fresh-faced psychopath who you definitely shouldnt ask for ID.

Hell hath no fury like a woman armed with a Chinese meteor hammer. Innocent-looking Gogo is surely the wildest sixth-former to ever grace the screen: the boys from If (1968) would run shivering to their dorms if they saw what she can do to an unwanted suitors testicles. Proof that not all bodyguards need to fill a doorway to be intimidating.

Ah, the golden age of henching, when the streets were rife with costumed master-criminals ready to hire you. Of the many thugs that Batman and Robin biffed and kapowed, it was Penguins underling Octopus with his bald head and dodgy tentacle moves who most closely fitted the henchman staple of unquestioning loyalty to your leader.

Shakespeare: its all tights and prancing, right? Wrong: the RSCs bloody account of the 13th-century sovereign features Angiers hardman Hubert (played by Tom McCall), given orders to terminate heir to throne Arthur. His conniving is proof that jewellery isnt a sign of class (unless youre bouncer-turned-actor Mr T).

At 2.18m (7ft 2in), Richard Kiels metal-toothed killer could throw Roger Moore around like a boomerang. Terrifying in his first appearance, he turned slapstick for 1979s Moonraker, and broke the golden rule: always obey your bosss instruction to throw the good guy out of a space station.

In its 80s heyday, the ruthless Spitting Image depicted the Conservative secretary of state for trade and industry as a goon in a bomber jacket. If you dared disobey Maggie, hed stuff your hand into a mincer. You wouldnt want a nutcase like this patting down the punters. Thank goodness todays cabinet is 100% made up of altruists.

Right-hand man to the dastardly Sheriff of Nottingham and a romantic rival to Robin Hood, this arrow-flinging cad is definitely the sort of bloke whod drop his masters name to jump the queue. Given his penchant for leathers, you just know hes smarmy enough to insist that his Kanye West Yeezys count as formal footwear.

This replicant heavy can rip open vault doors, and her implanted emotions emerge as pure sadism particularly when shes coordinating missile strikes while receiving a manicure. How best to deal with her? Fight surveillance with surveillance. Switch on your bodycam and tell her everything she says is being filmed and recorded.

In Louis Mellis and David Scintos 60s-set play, which originally starred Peter Bowles, crime boss Freddie Mays thinks a young thumb-breaker will watch his back. He does, but not before knifing it in this bloodcurdling tale of repressed desires. A good example of why its no good thinking MMA lessons will fix the quiet kid who likes to torture spiders.

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Thumb-breaking gangsters to sadistic androids: 10 of the best hired goons - The Guardian

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (WKRN) Governor Bill Lee announced Tuesday that Tennessee will no longer accept federal COVID-19 aid for unemployment.

There are currently 109,900 claimants in Tennessee receiving benefits through federal unemployment programs, according to the Department of Labor.

The state is falling in line with eight other states, including Alabama and Mississippi in dismissing the extra support.

This comes even with a cut in weekly unemployment benefits from 26 weeks down to 12.

We also want to move people from a benefit to meaningful employment and thats the goal of what were doing, Governor Bill Lee said.

Lee, a Republican, is pushing ahead with rejecting the $300 federal pandemic unemployment assistance payout.

I dont think its fair- people need it, Ed Gragg, who lives in Tennessee said.

The current unemployment rate is 5 percent in the Volunteer State.

The move is drawing strong reaction from folks who are in line waiting benefits.

Its costing me three times for the lumber to buy as it did last year and theyre saying thats going to get worse, so who is he to make a decision that by July 3rd everybody is going to be busy? I dont know if Im going to be back to normal, a self employed woodworker said.

Others, however, believe there are jobs available and some people should get back to work.

Its kind of a 50/50. I mean the people that need it, they need it, but there are people sitting back that are not going. No offense on that but I see it, Danny James said.

Democrats say its a pattern of Governor Lee failing Tennesseans again.

Its heartless; I think its appalling. Its ridiculous at this time when people are still hurting. Were still getting unemployment calls for you to cut the pay, Rep. Vincent Dixie, a Nashville Democrat said.

Any weeks filed before July 3 that are eligible under federal program requirements will continue to be processed.

Republican Rep. Mark Green praised the move by Governor Lee saying, As long as the federal government continues to disincentivize work, communities and businesses will suffer.

Jim Cooper, a Democrat, released a statement in part saying, I voted to give Tennesseans this help during the pandemic, but Gov. Lee is taking it away. Is that how he would want to be treated? Is he obeying the golden rule? What would Jesus do?

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I dont think its fair: Tennesseans react to Gov. Lee rejecting federal unemployment assistance payouts - wreg.com

The sun is shining, the world is opening back up and it's finally patio season. If you're one of the thousands of Americans who opened their homes to the many (affectionately nicknamed) COVID pups, there are a number of suburban haunts that welcome dogs and their humans for drinks and dinner.

Although enjoying a beer outside with man's best friend sounds like the ideal afternoon, there are a few things to consider before grabbing that leash and heading out the door.

First, doggy manners matter.

Before taking dogs along to any public space, be sure they can behave themselves.

"Duration commands are very important," Chicago dog trainer Ryan Kamm said. "Yes, sit and stay are great, but how long can (the dog) actually hold (the command)?"

Kamm has more than seven years of dog-training experience, with a specialty in training bully breeds and addressing behavioral issues.

"The restaurant isn't the time to test your dog's impulse control for the first time," Kamm said.

Even humans eat out of dog bowls at the pup-friendly Dawg Park Grill in Glenview.- Courtesy of Dawg Park

Kamm recommends practicing "down" and "stay" at home with five minutes of staying in place for puppies being the goal and 10 minutes for adult dogs. Owners should practice "down" on different types of surfaces outside of your dog's bed or normal training places.

Though most dog owners love paws-on time with their pups, not everyone will want to be greeted head on with Fido's barks or jumping.

"Your dog doesn't need to say hello to everyone," Kamm said. "Practice distractions while on walks and don't let them approach every dog and person."

This doesn't mean your dog has to sit still like a statue -- after all, that's not what humans do. It's OK for them to move around under the table or stretch their limbs.

Of course, don't forget the golden rule of training and dog outings, "don't feed your dog from the table," Kamm said.

Once your dog is ready, grab some sunscreen for you and a water bowl for the pooch and enjoy patio season. Here are a few dog-friendly suburban patios to try; check hours and COVID-19 precautions before you go.

Dogs are more than welcome at Dawg Park Grill in Glenview.- Courtesy of Dawg Park

1839 Tower Drive, Glenview, (847) 834-0270, dawgparkgrill.com: Husband and wife duo Mark Kobylinski and Patchwipa Mahapornpaisal opened Dawg Park in June of 2020. Unlike other restaurants and bars, Fido brings his humans here, not the other way around. The entire restaurant is dog-themed and friendly. Dawg Park specializes in comfort food and serves you and your pooch in dog bowls. Enjoy the food and stop in their indoor park area for a photo-op.

360 Historical Lane, Long Grove, (847) 821-6140, buffalocreekbrewing.com: Located in historic Long Grove, Buffalo Creek Brewing welcomes dogs of all shapes and sizes to the patio. For humans, the brewery offers tours and special themed nights including Friday night food trucks.

Dawg Park in Glenview offers a variety of hot dogs for humans while also welcoming dogs on the patio.- Courtesy of Dawg Park

1115 N. Milwaukee Ave., Vernon Hills, (847) 780-7977, and 436 Illinois Route 59, Naperville, (630) 481-7301, lazydogrestaurants.com: Nothing lazy about grabbing lunch or dinner at Lazy Dog. The local outposts not only allow dogs on their patios, they offer pups their own meals.

1661 Quincy Ave. #179, Naperville, (630) 995-3062, solemnoathbrewery.com: Solemn Oath Brewery welcomes dogs and their owners to the concrete patio to enjoy a cold glass of beer and some fresh air. Though the brewery doesn't sell food, they do bring in different food vendors each week.

300 W. Main St., St. Charles, (630) 584-4414, filling-station.com: A St. Charles "navigational landmark," The Filling Station Pub and Grill welcomes pups and their owners to their outdoor patio.

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How -- and where -- to enjoy outdoor drinks or dinner with your dog in the suburbs - Daily Herald

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Both Apple and Amazon collect cash from companies that want to pitch their products to us. Let me make the case that these side hustles are icky conflicts of interest that hurt us and ultimately these tech titans, too.

Heres what I mean: Try typing dog beds into the search box on Amazon. You might assume that Amazon will show you what it considers to be the very best dog beds. But actually the first options youll see are most likely from companies that paid Amazon to appear directly in front of your eyeballs. Theyre advertisements in semi-disguise. Amazon tags these listings as sponsored, and once you start to notice them you realize that these advertised products are everywhere.

Apple does this, too. Try searching for fitness in the iPhone app store. The first option might be a workout app that appears in a shaded blue box. Again, its an ad. (Android app stores tend to do this, too.)

Amazon and Apple preach their obsession with doing the best things for customers, but these advertising businesses arent really about us at all.

Advertising is not unusual or necessarily bad. The New York Times and many other reputable companies make money from ads. But Id argue that what Apple and Amazon are doing is different from almost all other advertising.

Google, Facebook and The Times dont usually show you ads and sell you the advertised product. The dog bed company pays Amazon to make sure that its products are listed prominently so that people will buy them from Amazon.

In the companies defense, there are some other advertising businesses that are also closed loops. Kelloggs might pay the supermarket to make sure that its cereal boxes are at eye level on the store shelf. Thats similar to what Apple and Amazon do. (Though the supermarket is not valued at more than $1.5 trillion, as both Apple and Amazon are.)

When companies pay Amazon and Apple to get noticed, that likely trickles down in the form of higher product or app prices for us. You might say that all advertising is annoying and a tax on consumers. But on Apple and Amazon, were there to pay for an app or product anyway. The ads are simply a toll for choosing one dog bed or fitness app over another.

When Amazon takes money from a dog bed company in exchange for making it the first item we see, thats not necessarily the best dog bed. It may not even be a good dog bed. Showing that ad is definitely good for Amazon and often for the merchant as well. But its much harder to make the case that its good for us. Ditto for Apple and its app advertisements.

Amazon knows this. My colleague Karen Weise has reported on the fierce debate inside Amazon about whether paid product commercials would erode customers trust. Jeff Bezos made the final call that showing ads might make things a little worse for Amazon shoppers but that the extra money would help the company invent amazing new things for customers.

Bezos assessment of short-term pain for long-term gain might be right. Or maybe he just got excited about the money.

Apple has argued that online advertising that tracks its users is an invasion of our privacy and declared a war with Facebook over ads. The company also wants to go bigger in selling advertising. (Apple says that its ads are less invasive than those of other companies.)

Let me propose an alternative for Amazon and Apple. Instead of grabbing for more cash with paid commercials, what if the companies improved their products and made more money that way?

Its been a big problem for years that Apples app store is a sea of options and that makes it hard for people to discover something new that might interest them. Paid app promotions that dont surface the best apps are not the right answer. At Amazon, it sometimes feels as if the company doesnt know how to make a nice place for people to shop easily. Ads are not the answer. They may be making things worse.

I recently went looking for a pulse oximeter on Amazon and searched for a specific brand. I was overwhelmed and turned off by how many ads I saw for what seemed to be shady knockoffs. I gave up. Amazon lost a potential sale because its store can feel like an unruly mess, and its paid commercials are part of the problem.

Maybe there should be a Golden Rule for rich and powerful tech titans: Just because a company can make money doing something, doesnt mean that it should.

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A cryptocurrency craze is becoming fuel for on-court trash talk: A new type of virtual trading cards featuring basketball highlights has engrossed some of the athletes, too. My colleague Kellen Browning explains N.B.A. players infatuation with the online marketplace Top Shot.

Big Tech backlash is bipartisan: I read two U.S. senators books about antitrust law so you dont have to. Politicians on opposite ends of the political spectrum agree that Americas tech giants have too much influence, and theyre urging a return to citizen engagement in fighting against the consolidation of industries.

Our bodies were not made to use computers: Vice News traced the long history of humans breaking from using computers. There was really no precedent in our history of media interaction for what the combination of sitting and looking at a computer monitor did to the human body, Vice News writes.

I cannot resist these tiny, fuzzy and cuddling peregrine falcon chicks.

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The Apple and Amazon Side Hustles - The New York Times

There are clear advantages to being your bosss favorite. But there are downsides, too: Your peers may resent you, and its not good for team morale. If youre your managers pet, how can you encourage them to treat everyone more equally? How can you push back on the favoritism without seeming ungrateful or damaging your relationship?

Being the bosss chosen one is both fabulous and terrible at the same time, according to Karen Dillon, author of theHBRGuide to Office Politics, among other books. The benefits are obvious: You get choice assignments, extra attention, and inside information on whats happening with the organization. But that special treatment comes at a cost. It can breed animosity and resentment among your peers, which can make things very uncomfortable for you, she says.

Thomas J. DeLong, a professor of management practice at Harvard Business School and author of the book Flying Without a Net, among others, concurs. Its often open season on the bosss favorite because others are jealous, he says. Favorites can get blindsided politically in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Heres how to cope with the situation and advice on how to encourage your boss to spread the love.

Being the bosss pet may place you in a tough spot with your coworkers, but try to remember that your manager isnt being intentionally malicious by putting you in this position, says Dillon. It comes from a good place. Youve earned their trust and admiration, and its likely your boss doesnt appreciate just how difficult the situation is for you and that they may be undermining the work environment by unwittingly causing resentment among your colleagues. In your bosss mind, youre a valued and respected employee, but to your colleagues, youre the favorite.

However, allowing yourself to be the managers darling is not always a smart career move. Youre hitching your wagon to this persons star. If they leave or get fired, youve lost your power base, Dillon says. Consider, too, why your boss chose you in the first place. The person who is a favorite knows how to stroke the managers ego, says DeLong. Its psychological collusion. You make the boss feel good. But some day, you could very well fall out of favor.

When your relationship with your boss is chummy and casual, its very easy not to realize how much other people see and observe, says Dillon. Do you regularly drop into your bosss office unannounced? Grab lunch together more often than not? Casually toss a Nerf football around the hallway? These may seem like minor gestures, but they are so in-your-face to those not included, she says. They have meaning, and people read into them. Being sensitive to the optics of the situation requires that you put a guardrail between you and your boss, she says.

Try to create some structural distance, adds DeLong. In the spirit of fairness, you might suggest your manager embark on a time-tracking exercise. Say, Heres something that could be interesting. Track your time to see who youre spending most of it with. Then consider how it looks. Your goal, he says, is to get your boss to be more mindful of their patterns. After all, he says, Everything a leader does is a signal, and the signals need to be pure.

As the favored employee, you also need to make an effort to help your boss see the value of other people on the team, says Dillon. Use your status to shine a spotlight on others and give credit where its due. This not only encourages your boss to spread the love, it also allows your team members to see that youre using your platform wisely. She recommends doing this publicly and privately. For instance, you might send an email to your boss detailing the specific contributions that a colleague made to prepare for a big presentation and CC that colleague, of course. You might also ask your boss to recognize a particular employee in the next team meeting and thank that person for all their hard work. Your objective is to inspire your boss to be generous with credit and praise when its deserved. Most importantly, dont hoard your bosss attention and goodwill. And dont take advantage of your relationship.

Its also worth considering talking with your boss about the situation. DeLong recommends saying something like: Were close and its affecting my relationships with others. I dont want to be seen as your spy. I need to strategically distance myself from you. He predicts that because of your honesty, the boss will fall even more in love with you. Your candor and directness are demonstrations that youre not focused only on your own agenda, he says. Youre saying: At the end of the day, this is what is best for the institution. Dillon, however, counsels caution in broaching the subject. You dont want to put your boss on the defensive, she says. Instead, she recommends navigating the situation as best as you can with your actions and behavior. Be constructive and positive, she adds.

Of course, its more fun to talk about other people than it is to talk about, say, systems or theory, but gossiping with your boss is ill advised, says DeLong. Say: We have to have a conversation about what we talk about. I am honored that you share [things] with me, but it colors my relationships with my colleagues, and I dont know what to do with the information. Stand firm. If your boss repeatedly grouses to you about a coworker, DeLong suggests saying in a teasing and supportive manner: I assume youve told this person what youre thinking.

Your objective is to gently coach your manager out of this behavior. And yet, try not to be too hard on your boss, says Dillon. Ask yourself: Is my boss stepping out of bounds? Or is this one human sharing a passing thought? It might be wise to simply listen and let your manager say their piece. You also could try gently defending your colleague or offering more context on the matter. Whatever you do, dont join in the criticism.

Perhaps the best remedy for dealing with the resentment caused by your most-favored status is to work very hard to be a good colleague to everyone, says Dillon. In other words, dont just be the bosss pet; be everyones pet. Be engaged and supportive, pay close attention to what people on your team are working on, and offer feedback and assistance when others need it. Your goal is to be well regarded by the boss and everyone else on the team. It is hard to resent someone who is helpful and engaged and publicly and privately supportive.

Alexander Lowry, Executive Director of the Career and Connection Institute at Gordon College, says that the key to dealing with the resentment caused by being the bosss favorite is to remember the golden rule.

Do unto othersas youwould have them do untoyou, he says.Envision yourself as the person on the outside observing the preferred employee. [And ask yourself:] How can you be supportive and helpful to your colleagues while you have a shining star on your back?

Earlier in his career, Alexander worked at a New York investment bank under a boss well call her June who was relatively new to the organization. She was very smart and we had a great working relationship, says Alexander.

June was friendly to everyone, but there was no question that Alexander was her favorite. She arranged to have his desk put right in front of her office. So whenever she came back from a big meeting, she stopped by to tell me what happened, he recalls. I was hired to be her deputy, but in practice I was more like a de facto co-director of the division.

Alexanders close relationship with June was not lost on his colleagues. One colleague in particular well call her Shelley was incredibly jealous. Shelley was one of the first members of the team, and she saw her upward career trajectory linked to Junes, he says. Shelleywas clearly unnerved by the fact that it looked as thoughI was equally in charge of the group.

To allay Shelleys concerns, Alexander worked hard to prove he had her best interests at heart. For instance, he would often pull Shelley into meetings so that she could get exposure to other top managers and gain insights into organizational priorities. And I talked up things she had done well to ensure that June recognized her for her contributions, he says.

I wanted to help Shelley have a chance to shine.

Alexander also did his best to be an exceptionally good colleague to Shelley. I would often ask her what she was working on and whetherI couldhelp, he says.

Shelley was appreciative, and she and Alexander built a strong working relationship.

Today, the advice Alexander gives to students in this situation is to recognize that there are both career-boosting aspects but also potential pitfalls. You need to recognize how your colleagues are feeling.You want to build strong relationships with everyone, as your network is the most important thing for you career.

Chris Lee knows all too well what its like being the bosss favorite. In one of his first jobs, he worked at a medical practice brokerage, where he was the most junior member of the team. His boss well call him Harold took a special interest in Chris. He openly praised him to other colleagues and often took him to lunch.

When they went to lunch, Harold would often make disparaging remarks about other employees. Sometimes he would complain about how a team member was doing for instance [hed say], He made a large sale last month, so now hes slacking, recalls Chris. [It] put me in an awkward position.

Chris reflected on his bosss motivations for sharing the information. I know that at times people just need get things off their chest, he says. Im sure my boss wasnt seeking my advice on how to handle staff. He just wanted to vent his frustration.

Still, hearing his bosss criticism of others colored how [he] viewed his colleagues; he knew he needed to stop the habit.

Chris started to gently question Harolds assumptions in order to inject some objectivity into the conversations and force him to take a step back and consider the big picture. Chris never joined in the criticism.

Sometimes that meant reiterating what my boss had said. For instance, You mentioned that he brought in a lot of business last month, right? he says. Or if my boss attributed a colleagues underperformance to laziness, I might suggest that maybe hes going through a rough patch without speculating or getting into it, as its really not my place.

Chris was also wary of how things looked, so he also tried to create distance between him and his boss by taking more lunches with colleagues.

Chris stayed at the job for two years, and today he is a senior marketing manager at a large health system and the founder of PurposeRedeemed, a career consultancy.

Since then, he has maintained a very good relationship with Harold. Its difficult to build that level of trust and rapport with a manager, so I never took it for granted, he says. He has served as my reference for other jobs and even contracted me to work on a project.

Read more from the original source:

The Hazards of Being the Boss's Favorite - Harvard Business Review

Rev. George Ellis

Pastors Corner

Last Sunday we celebrated Mothers Day. There is no day like Mothers Day. It is the heart of our country; for without mothers, first of all, there would be no us; and whether you honored your mother or if you are a mother yourself, we all agree that the world is a better place because of mothers; and we agree that we are largely what we are because of them.

If you still have your mother, make sure you tell them Momma, I love you! Say it before you are in the category with those of us whose mother is no longer with us. To grieving children today, older and younger, I say, I understand, because I am in there with you; Ive sat where you are sitting. We miss them, but we have a gift that nothing can take away from us the gift of precious memories.

Like many of you, I had a good mother; one who literally raised nine children, seven of us after we lost our father early in life; one who provided for us in so many ways as a single parent until we all were grown; I honor her today; you all have your own stories.

But today, I want to talk to the living mothers when I say mothers build communities they build nations; but most of all mothers builds homes. Mothers are the heartbeat of a nation, especially Godly mothers; they take their children to Sunday School, and they teach them the golden rule; mothers mold their children for a lifetime; I wish that all mothers would understand that; that their influence on their children lasts for a lifetime good or bad; that their sons will measure every woman that they meet by her; she sets the standard.

And when a man says he wants a wife just like his mother that is saying something good about her; And mothers, heres a tribute to you: Just one little wish for you mom, But its loving and happy and true-Its a wish that the nicest and best things, will always keep coming to you.

To the wonderful mother I say: The heart of a mother whose love is warm and true, and home has always been sweet home with a wonderful mother like you!

Personally, I would say to my mom if she were here, I thank you from the heart, for all youve done for me; and I bless the Lord for giving me, the best mother there could be! Solomon said that Every wise woman BUILDS her house: but the foolish (woman) plucks it down with her hands (Pro. 14:1).

The wise mother puts God first in her life. she understands her influence in the home; The family, mothers, is the most important unit in the community and the world; it is from the family mothers, that presidents are made; heads of state are made; doctors and lawyers are shaped by mothers; famous athletes often testify that if it had not been for their mothers they dont know what they would have done or how they would have made it; many are brought to tears when they talk about their mothers; how their mothers sacrificed so much for them, what she instilled in them.

Mothers picked us up when we fell, kissed our hands, and some still do; put up with us on our worse day; they still call us son and daughter; but let me say to those who are raising children today; you will only get one opportunity to influence and raise your children; you dont get a second chance; you can build a home or you can tear it down; what you instill in them, how you live before them, and who you bring in your house says a lot to your children.

You mothers can teach them to respect authority, both in the home and in society; and you may save their life; show them and teach them how to treat a woman; that they dont verbally or physically abuse any woman; dont make rap songs that demean women and call them names less than who they are and who God made them; teach them mothers, that women are to be respected, honored and loved; mothers, you can teach your daughters that God did not make them to be a punching bag for any man; and then mothers, you dont need to be a punching bag yourself! They pattern after you!

Good teaching that comes from the home; they will not get that from the streets; they wont get that from the school, and they wont get that from Hollywood; dont let either one of them influence your children; home training come from the home; and it starts from the cradle.

And then children, you only get one mother; the world is not the same when they are gone; nothing or nobody can take their place; and thats why, I hate to see mothers and daughters that dont get along; sons who disrespect their mothers; life is just too short; and I know, in some cases, all mothers may not be all that they need to be, but good or bad they brought us into the world; they gave us life; they did not abort us; or leave us on the doorstep of the police department or in a garbage dump; think about it; we would not be here were it not for our mothers; every world leader had a mother; and credits their mother for being what they are.

Truly today is a tribute to the mother.

The Rev. George Ellis is the pastor at Union Grove Missionary Baptist Church.

Continue reading here:

A tribute to all of our mothers - Laurinburg Exchange

The golden rule of pandemics: Just because you can, it doesn't mean you must.

So from Monday you can stand, cheek by sweaty jowl, in a steaming crowd of drinkers at your much-missed pub. But don't be surprised if some folk stay outside for a week or two - just until we've seen how many of you develop a nasty, dry cough and lose your sense of taste. Let's face it, some of us are cowards. And some of you are canaries.

No, Boris, we do not need a skills revolution, no matter how thrilling those words may sound. What we really need is a state education system that guarantees nobody leaves primary school without being able to read and write. Education is like a huge warehouse full of tins of wonderful stuff. Literacy is the tin-opener.

Meanwhile, deputy Labour leader Angela Rayner tells her fellow MPs: For too long we have been distant from the people we are here to represent.

That doesn't quite explain why so many horny-handed sons of toil vote for a privileged, bouffant-blond toff and former member of the Bullingdon Club but let us press on. If Rayner and her comrades really want to connect with the workers, they already have a fine parliamentary example of how to do it. Step forward, Dave Nellist.

Nellist, MP for Coventry South-East from 1983-92, stood as a workers' MP on a worker's wage. He drew only 40 per cent of his MPs salary which put him on the same wage as a skilled factory worker. He gave the rest to Labour and various charities. He may have been a tad to the Left of today's Starmerites but no-one ever questioned his commitment. Any of today's MPs care to follow that shining example? Thought not.

It's a fine old tradition. First, TV launches some new drama. Next, viewers complain they can't hear the lines because everyone's mumbling. The Pursuit of Love (BBC1) is the latest victim. The real bind, at least on my telly, is that if you binge-watch it on iPlayer, the subtitles don't work.

The Daily Telegraph described The Pursuit of Love's permanently angry father figure, Uncle Matthew (Dominic West) as politically incorrect. Only by today's values. In some circles in the 1930s, beating children, hating foreigners and mistrusting educated women was perfectly in order.

The death of a minke whale in the Thames this week followed the usual pattern. Large mammal gets lost and distressed. Hordes of humans congregate, adding to the stress. Large mammal has to be destroyed. Hordes of humans say ah, how sad. The survival rate for whales and suchlike once they enter river estuaries is depressingly low. Wouldn't it be kinder to shoot them on sight?

Prince Michael of Kent allegedly offered to lobby the Kremlin for a 10,000-a-day consultancy fee, even though his office insists he has no special relationship with President Putin. So how well-connected is he? Useful Russian phrase: Prints kto? (Prince Who?).

See the article here:

Peter Rhodes on stray whales, 1930s values and why we won't all be rushing into pubs - expressandstar.com