The Week Amber Heard Became the Singularity – MEL Magazine

The actress histories with Johnny Depp and Elon Musk have collided in spectacular fashion

If you spent any time on the internet during this, the last week of April 2022, you could not escape two major, ongoing stories: The defamation trial in which Johnny Depp is seeking $50 million from ex-wife Amber Heard over an op-ed she wrote for the Washington Post in 2018, and billionaire Elon Musk striking a deal to buy his favorite social platform, Twitter, for $44 billion.

But the two events arent entirely distinct. In a strange twist that either portends the breakdown of our simulated reality or the moment when all culture collapses into an infinitely dense singularity i.e., a black hole Depp and Musk are linked through Heard, who dated the Tesla CEO in 2017 after splitting up with the Pirates of the Caribbean actor. Moreover, she listed Musk as a prospective witness in the trial, though as he never sat for a deposition and cannot be compelled to testify in the Virginia court where the case is unfolding, its assumed that hell avoid any role in the proceedings. But that hasnt stopped TikTok, YouTube and Instagram analysts from delving into theories that Heard had an affair with Musk while married to Depp, and speculation that Musk could have been the sperm donor for Heards 1-year-old daughter. Then theres the rumor that Musk and Heard had a threesome with English model Cara Delevingne, not to mention testimony suggesting Musk might have assaulted Heard.

Oh, maybe Musk is buying Twitter to delete his DMs with her? Or planning to boot any users spreading this kind of stuff around? And some Depp stans are still convinced hes going to show up at the trial to defend Heard. Anythings possible when youre overinvested and paranoid!

Given the sheer volume and intensity of the reactions, you can understand why Heard announced an official break from social media ahead of the trial with Depp. Yet silence doesnt save her from being the common denominator in an absolute shitshow of financial, technological and sexual intrigue being covered in media around the globe and spun by countless influencers. Maybe getting famous isnt worth it? One minute youre part of a celebrity couple and joining the cast of Aquaman, the next youre fleeing the internet so you dont have to see anyone rhyming your last name with turd. Also, whatever happens next at your trial could affect the stock of the company that dominates the U.S. electric vehicle market.

Yeah, it rocks not being any of these people. Must be a nice break for Grimes as well. Lets all try to avoid initiating a love triangle with two insufferable rich dudes while behaving in an erratically volatile way ourselves. Not saying itll be easy, but you cant argue with the results.

Miles Klee is MELs resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. Hes also the author of the novel Ivyland and a story collection, True False.

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The Week Amber Heard Became the Singularity - MEL Magazine