Now Dwayne is shamelessly trying to brainwash the country into handing him a political position. Fine, Ill say it: The Rock really wants to be the goddamn President of the United States. And like so many past, current, and future politicians, he is desperate for approval, even though nobody had a problem with him before he started trying to indoctrinate middle America into a lifestyle of creatine, sleeveless graphic tees, and jokes corny enough for Jimmy Fallons writers room.
Perhaps its this pitiful desire to please that has led him down the bleakest path: A rap song with Tech N9ne. Dont get me wrong, Im no Tech N9ne haterhe exists in his Midwest bubble and mostly leaves us alone, which is fine in my book. But every now and then Ill remember hes still chugging along, and this time its because of Face Off, his nightmarish team up with The Rock. The beat sounds like what I imagine comes pre-programmed in Ram trucks, and Tech N9ne and a few rappers I dont care about enough to Google do some ear-bleeding fast rapping. At the end comes The Rock, all riled up on protein powder and screaming phrases he probably picked up listening to Joe Rogans podcast in traffic: Its about drive, its about power/We stay hungry, we devour. Its not particularly fun or funny, which in a way aligns with everything The Rock has become.
Goldenboy Countup is from the Florida city of DeLand, just north of Orlando, but the piano-driven instrumentals on his recent mixtape Chicken Man bring to mind Detroit street rap. It makes sense; like Michigan, Florida contains several disconnected rap scenes and countless shit-stirring personalities. Yet this may be where the similarities end. While Michigan rappers tend to blur the line between fact and fiction, Goldenboy brings a realism to his rhymes that is distinct to Florida rap. On Airplane Mode, he casually takes us into a world of dope sales and fast money. Before I touched a rap I was a five brick nigga/I switched over to Ps nigga still six figures, he raps, almost in a whisper. He may be influenced by Detroit, but his approach to storytelling is his own.
About 20 seconds into Chief Keefs 2014 track War, the Chicago drill forefather begins to cough. Hard. If someone hacked like this next to you, it would be fair to move far away from them and tell them to get it checked out. Though it seemed like an accidental moment of genius in Keefs case, Yeats Sick is built entirely around his cough.
The song opens with the Portland rapper damn near regurgitating his last meal as he croons, Bitch Im sick and Im still making hits in the stu through showers of Auto-Tune. At first, it sounds gross, especially in the middle of a pandemic, yet it slowly becomes compelling as it goes on. It hits a chaotic peak when Yeat casually mutters, Bitch, I have a COVID and I dont give a fuck, bitch, Im still gon sip on this wock. Im no doctor, but that attitude sounds negligent. Keef would be proud though, and I guess thats what matters.
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