Polyamory vs. an Open Relationship: What’s the Difference? – PureWow

Theres been some buzz about ethical non-monogamy of late, and even if sanctioned sleeping around is so not your cup of tea, you might still be a little curious to know how it works. Well, that depends on what type of ethical non-monogamy youre talking aboutbecause, yes, these types of relationships come in different forms. So lets start with polyamory vs. open relationships: It might sound like the former is just a fancier way of referring to the latter, but thats not the case. Theres plenty of overlap between polyamorous and open relationships (*draws venn diagram*), but there are meaningful differences, too. We went to clinical psychologist Dr. Bethany Cook to help parse the details. Read on for the full scoop.

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Does your love tank have enough for more than one person? If youre in a polyamorous relationship the answer is yes. This type of ethical non-monogamy isnt about having more sex (though there will likely be more of that, too), its about having the freedom to fall in love and share an emotional connection with more than one person. What makes this ethical is that all involved parties are on the same page, which means the details of the arrangement are up for discussion. Beyond that, there arent too many rules.

Interestingly enough, polyamory doesnt necessarily mean every person in the relationship has more than one love interest. Someone who identifies as solo poly is in a relationship with just one person, and that one person has an outside relationship, or several. In other words, solo poly is polygamy, polyandry or some (possibly non-binary) combination of the two that everyone feels good about. In other instances, both partners have outside relationships.

There are also open poly relationshipsmeaning that new partners can be brought on boardand closed poly relationships, in which the group is done growing. Whatever the case may be, the key to polyamory is that all relationships are considered equalyou know, so that everyone in the love triangle (square, pentagon, what have you) feels empowered, happy and secure.

All this might sound like a lot of extra work, but Cook tells us that a healthy poly relationship can actually make things easier for some folksnamely because, if youre doing it right, youre not responsible all the time for everyones needs. In fact, yours and everyone elses needs can be met more consistently when there are options because theres more support present. (It takes a village, right?)

Now its time to talk about open relationships. Fortunately, the concept here is a little simpler in that it just involves two partners who agree that its a-OK to have casual (but safe) sex with other people. The key word, though, is casual. In open relationships, emotional intimacy is exclusive to the two romantic partners, so feelings arent supposed to enter into the picture when it comes to outside sexual experiences. In general, couples who enter into this type of relationship enjoy both physical and emotional intimacy with one another and are fully committed, but have determined that both parties benefit from the sexual exploration and freedom that comes from keeping the below-the-belt borders, well, open.

The major difference between polyamory and open relationships is that, with the latter, one relationship is the clear priority and the rest is just some hot, sweaty sex on the side. Polyamory, on the other hand, is a much bigger investment in that it revolves around the idea that its possible to maintain full-blown romantic relationshipssex, emotional intimacy, commitment and allwith more than one person at the same time.

That said, both relationship styles represent a rejection of the more traditional, monogamous coupling in favor of a less constricting experience of romance. Its also worth noting that in both polyamorous and open relationships, unhealthy power dynamics shouldnt be present, and boundaries must be discussed and mutually agreed upon before the arrangement is underway (and consistently thereafter), lest it turn into a not-so-ethical non-monogamous situation. Bottom line: If monogamy feels unnatural to you, find someone whos willing to explore some other optionsbut, whatever you do, remember that being able to openly talk about and respect each others individual needs is important, says Cook. Oh, and be sure to avoid the yucky patriarchal stuff, too.

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Polyamory vs. an Open Relationship: What's the Difference? - PureWow