In a word: Marx Brothers: Absurd, wacky and still relevant – Lewiston Sun Journal

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. Groucho Marx

Or maybe this is a good time for puns. With all the stuff going on around us right now, this might just be the perfect time, in fact, for a little distraction in the form of wordplay and puns. And who better to provide us with that material than those who were among the best at it, the Marx brothers: Groucho, Chico, Harpo (even though he never spoke) and Zeppo.

These are my principles, and if you dont like them . . . well I have others, Groucho once told an associate (the quote has also been attributed to several politicians). Regardless of who actually said it, thats a good way to approach this piece; if you dont like some of the jokes, dont worry, there are plenty of others.

One of the brothers favorite subjects was women although sometimes its difficult to tell just how they felt about them. (Its also interesting to see just how much political correctness has evolved in the 90 or so years that have passed since most of this material was written.)

When Groucho told a woman that she was the most beautiful woman in the world, she asked him, Really? He replied, No, but I dont mind lying if it gets me somewhere. On another occasion, he reminded his troops, Remember men, were fighting for this womans honor; which is probably more than she ever did.

When things didnt work out, he told one date, Mrs. Teasdale (a wealthy widow played by Margaret Dumont) in Duck Soup, You can leave in a taxi. If you cant get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If thats too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

And when insults werent enough, Groucho could always rely on the good old double entendre: We took some pictures of the native girls, but they werent developed. But were going back again in a couple of weeks.

Another time he was wooing a young blonde in a tippy canoe and remarked, I was gonna get a flat bottom, but the girl at the boathouse didnt have one.

Besides annoying the women he met, Groucho Marx had another hobby he also loved to read. I love to read, he said. My education is self-inflicted. He once observed, Outside of a dog, a book is a mans best friend. Inside of a dog, its too dark to read.

He even revealed, I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read.

For someone who spent much of his later career hosting the television show You Bet Your Life, Groucho seemed to harbor a lot of disdain for the medium. Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

One person Groucho seemed to not want near his house was his brother Chico, at least in their movies. Ive stitched together some quotes from several of their films to come up with this imaginary conversation between the quick-tongued Groucho and the equally deft Chico, who always affected a New York Italian-Jewish accent.

Groucho (explaining) Thats in every contract, thats what you call a sanity clause.

Chico You cant fool me, there aint no sanity clause.

Groucho You know, Id buy you a parachute if I knew it wouldnt open.

Chico Haha, youre crazy, Ive already got a pair a shoes. (He kicks Groucho.)

Groucho Ill teach you to kick me . . .

Chico You dont need to teach me, I already know how.

Groucho Get outta here before I get arrested.

Chico Nah, Id like to stay and see that.

Groucho Ive got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I hope you enjoyed this look at some of the Marx brothers humor. If you didnt, keep in mind that Groucho himself once admitted, Well, all the jokes cant be good. Youve got to expect that once in a while.

Jim Witherell of Lewiston is a writer and lover of words whose work includes L.L. Bean: The Man and His Company and Ed Muskie: Made in Maine. He can be reached at [emailprotected]

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In a word: Marx Brothers: Absurd, wacky and still relevant - Lewiston Sun Journal