I have had several people ask why I do not write some ridiculous and funny columns as I once did. You must understand that I am older, likely not wiser, and often confused as to the reasons for some of my current dilemmas and interpretations. It is difficult for me to find much funny material in my puzzling and perplexing everyday world.
History teaches us that what goes around usually comes around again. In the 1970s, my wife would take me to work and then go and sit for hours in gasoline lines, often witnessing fist fights, vulgar frustrated finger salutes, names called not found in most dictionaries and even one instance of handgun waving.
I realize that my reasoning may have slipped a bit, but I understood just a few months ago that America was fuel independent and selling energy resources to other countries. I asked someone who I really trust concerning their accuracy on current world affairs for his opinion. He said something about our oil production having been drastically reduced and that we were dependent once more on Arab suppliers and their high selling prices and current availability. An explosion in bicycle, skateboard, roller skate and walking shoe sales could be in the not- too-distant future.
Allow me to relate some of my recent experiences in the race for refueling my vehicle. Any conclusions, especially political, drawn by the readers are entirely up to their informed, nonjudgmental and intellectual judgment. The gas lines are not especially long just yet, but my memory, although spotty at times, remembers those long lines of bygone years.
One of the basic so-called automotive improvements in modern times is that different cars and models have the gas filling port on different sides. In my youth and even beyond, the gas cap was in the middle, often under the license plate, so the driver did not need to be on a certain side of the pump.
Recently, after sitting in line for some time, I observed a person getting out of their car to see which side the gas cap was on. As they were in the wrong lane, it became a major traffic operation to rescue and remove the errant driver. Car horns and loudly vocalized words of dissatisfaction floated through the fragrant gasoline aroma in the brisk autumn air.
On another occasion after waiting in line, I finally reached the right pump only to find an elderly woman approaching the same pump coming in my lane and direction. I was always taught to be respectful of the elderly, but I had several cars in my rear-view mirror, the nearest nearly touching my bumper. The elderly obstacle pilot had no one behind her, and I presumed she would politely back up.
I think she must have been influenced by the current standard of I am what and who I am, and no one can change me. She defiantly turned off her engine, crossed her arms with a snarly grin, and the battle of wills was on. I couldnt help thinking, I wish Joe Manchin were here to break this tie.
I do not know how they did it, but two or three caring souls behind me somehow managed to allow me to retreat or relocate, if you prefer current political correctness, with honor, dignity and purity of intention, of course.
Some speak of karma or eventual retribution, but I was not raised by that belief. I will let you judge from the following scene. As I searched for another place in the line, I heard car horns and those nasty words being yelled. On observation, it seems my defiant gas line combatants car would not restart, and the situation was nearing a violent (often called peaceful) demonstration of total frustration.
Because of my upbringing, my first instinct was to feel sorry for this dear woman in distress. After quite a bit of mental and emotional discipline, I did just for a moment. But sneaking around the curves and corners of my inner self was the mental image of a fellow who looked a lot like me with one arm pumping the air and softly exclaiming YEA! You must forgive me, but there are so few times to celebrate, no matter how shortly or gently, in this crazy world in which we find ourselves.
I think these green electric cars will have the same trouble plugging into chargers unless they have a very long extension cord. I have not been able to figure out what fuel will be used to manufacture all the batteries to propel these gasless automobiles. That is another story for future thought and contemplation.
I suppose my one small YEA moment will last me until some other earthshaking event in my mundane and often uneventful maturing existence while trying to keep up with all the craziness and confusion in which we daily find ourselves. Remember: Be kind to the elderly, for you are rapidly on your way to that hard-earned distinction, accept it or not. Age is a matter of mind; if you dont mind, it doesnt matter, so some say. I havent found that to be personally true yet.
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