It’s Time To Banish Roger Goodell To Canada – The Federalist

If, as recommended, you spent your Thanksgiving enjoying football along with excessive amounts of food, you were treated to a curious sponsorship: Crown Royal.

While it isnt curious that the Canadian whiskey is working with the NFL, a league not known for its aversion to marketing or booze, to have Thanksgiving games sponsored by a Canadian company is a visible sign of decline. For starters, it was Thanksgiving, the quintessential American holiday. For seconds, its Canadian whiskey. For thirds, Im pretty sure this is still America, decline notwithstanding.

But thats where we are as a country, reduced to letting hosers help bring us an annual tradition. And while we should probably blame President Biden for this, even if this one thing isnt his fault, we should definitely blame NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for selling us out, once again.

Football on Thanksgiving brought to us by Canadian whiskey, as if there arent many, many, many bourbons that could have done the same job, except better.

Im not trying to disparage Crown Royal. Its a fine whiskey. There was a time before the bourbon craze when a friend busting out the velvet bag would be treated with reverence. I still wouldnt look down upon it, even though there are many, many, many bourbons that could do the same job, except better.

The time for reverence, though, has long since passed. Its Crown. Its easily accessible, not too expensive, and not too demanding of the drinker. Its a great bottle for elevating your and Coke or passing around the room for celebratory shots after the game. Its also suitable for remorse shots when the game doesnt go so well.

But the thing is, in case I havent mentioned it, its Canadian. And not to talk trash about Canada, but, well, it is Canada. As much as people love to elevate its stature, no one ever actually moves there, threats aside. Its a place people love in theory. Even ex-pat Canadians extolling its virtues stop short of moving back and they presumably have family there. Its like the Unitarian Church of countries.

On Thanksgiving, though, there was Crown Royal, sponsoring our game, rubbing decline in our faces. As Americans, we should be accustomed to Goodell and the NFL rubbing our faces in various things. That doesnt mean we shouldnt fight it.

Roger Goodell was unlikely involved in the decision to accept Crown Royal as an official sponsor. That move probably came from the NFLs chief marketing officer or some other marketing lackey who saw the dollar signs American, of course and said Yes. Goodell, though, created the environment in which that could happen, most likely because he hates America.

If you doubt that undeniable truth, remember how Goodell treated Americas son Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. The Patriots! Roger Goodell hates America and now hes stopped hiding it, going so far as letting Canada sponsor our pastimes, even if he didnt personally approve the deal and instead just trusted someone to ink it for him. Fish do rot from the head down.

America has never been big on banishing people, but we live in a brave new world and maybe its time to rethink that. When it comes to Roger Goodell, its definitely time to rethink it. It is now undeniable that the commissioner should at least be banished to Canada, if not some remote outpost with semi-reliable electricity. No longer can we let this megalomaniacal ginger make a mockery of our holidays, our people, and our sports.

As it is always darkest before the dawn, so is our current moment. This is no time for excessive despair, or to give up. We must, though, fight, and thats why its time to send Goodell packing to colder climes. Politically, Canada obviously suits him better than his current country, so its not that harsh of a punishment. And when it comes to whiskey, he might at least start learning how to drink.

Richard Cromwell is a senior contributor to The Federalist. Follow him on Twitter, @rcromwell4.

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It's Time To Banish Roger Goodell To Canada - The Federalist