This terrible moment has to be as important as Me Too or Black Lives Matter: it embodies both – Evening Standard

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ts hard to write anything truly original in the wake of Sarah Everards death. The shiver of recognition. The suppressed memories which came flooding back. Mine was a black cab driver. I was in my early twenties and drunk. He told me I was coming back to his for some fun. I remember realising I couldnt run as I was wearing really stupid high heels. I started sobbing and begged him to let me out. He eventually did and I was grateful. Gratefulto a strange man for terrifying me to death, then having the decency not to hurt me. I even thanked him. And told him to keep the change.

Not all men goes the hashtag. True. But some men. And quite a lot of them. And every woman has her own story. Sarahs death has sparked an important harrowing national conversation. But we will only honour her memory by facing up to some uncomfortable truths about violence against women and girls.

Its never just a one-off. Its a spectrum of behaviour which includes harassment, stalking, flashing, kerb crawling, rape and domestic violence. Sarah was a pretty, white professional woman. There are so many others who are missing from black and Asian communities who we know nothing about, like Blessing Olusegun, Nicole Smallman and Bibaa Henry. Its hard enough for white affluent women to come forward and report crimes like rape or domestic violence and be taken seriously, but its even worse for women from minority ethnic communities. Many feel shame, fear ostracisation, many have language barriers and are scared that they will be reported to the Home Office as an illegal immigrant rather than be treated as a victim of crime.

Sadly, there is deep distrust of the police and criminal justice system if you are black or Asian. But after the events of the last week, that lack of confidence is now widely shared by white women too. Many young women I spoke to who were at Clapham Common on Saturday night dont want the police to be involved in the reporting of sexual assault at all. They want an agency or specially trained charity which will understand them as a victim and have some compassion, not accuse them of being drunk or ask to trawl through their phone.

We are all horrified at plummeting rape prosecutions, yet the system is rigged against women from the crime scene to the courtroom. As someone who specialised in womens issues as a government adviser 14 years ago, I feel utterly depressed the clock has gone back. But we have to look for a glimmer of hope and for me that is the activism of the women who went to Clapham Common and the action of women in parliament. We need our female politicians from across all parties to work together. Last nights controversial policing bill will now go to the Lords who on a cross-party basis have greatly improved the Domestic Abuse Bill. This has got to be a moment where something changes. What is the point of having record numbers of female legislators if they cant, or wont, make life better for women and girls in the country on the most basic of needs safety.

But what about men? Well of course, they should change their behaviour, but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. Women cant rely on men alone for change. We cannot be passive and play nice. We have to be noisy, demanding and a nuisance. This terrible moment has to be as important as Me Too or Black Lives Matter because it embodies both.

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This terrible moment has to be as important as Me Too or Black Lives Matter: it embodies both - Evening Standard