We Don’t Have to Let the Dead Die Twice – Sojourners

CALEB WILDE isfamiliar with death. He is the descendant of two long-term generational funeral home families and went into the funeral industry himself. His first book, Confessions of a Funeral Director, delved into some of the more uplifting stories hes had in death care. His latest book, All the Ways Our Dead Still Speak, is more introspective.

The early chapters detail a few death experiences an atheist seeing the dead parents of her husband as he dies, for instance and at first, thats what I thought the book would be about: exploring what peoples deathbed visions meant to them, regardless of whether those visions were real. But for Wilde, thats missing the point. What matters is that the dead are still speaking to us. Death isnt necessarily an end, Wilde argues its a transformative experience; the living carry inside us the essence and dreams of the dead. Open conversations about death and dying can lead to a healthier society.

Wilde specifically calls out white people, his ancestry and mine, for being disconnected from their ancestors. He cites the difference between the polite, private, quiet funerals of white people versus the communal, intensive, emotional funerals of Black people. Many white people believe that grief is a personal, private journey. However, in many Black families and cultures all over the world, grief is a communal process. People come together to remember, love, and support each other. In these times, they cease to become individual selves and instead focus on the plural self on community: A community of people both dead and alive.

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We Don't Have to Let the Dead Die Twice - Sojourners