Daily Archives: June 7, 2017

Your thoughts, not your circumstances, determine if you thrive after divorce. You could end up with the house, your preferred custody plan, the china and the crystal, and still blame your ex for messing up your formerly picture-perfect existence.

Or, you could trade the house for an apartment, less custody time than youd hoped, mismatched Ikea flatware, and recognize your divorce as an opportunity to create an authentic, meaningful life.

So what makes the person who got what they wanted (or thought they wanted) bitter, while the downwardly-mobile one grows empowered?

The presence, or absence, of shame.

People who feel shame blame themselves or others for their choices and their situations. After awhile, the negative stories they tell themselves become a life narrative thats hard to shake. Negative thoughts lead to poor choices which create more shame, and the cycle repeats itself.

Those who believe that, despite some bad choices, theyre still good people, tend to manifest positive change. They recognize their errors, make amends where they can, and move on to the only thing they can control: the choices they make now.

And those choices are fueled by thoughts.

If you feel neck-deep in divorce shame and shame often comes disguised as anger, sadness, and fear notice your thoughts. Are they mostly of the gloom-and-doom variety? Do they resemble any of the following?

Shame festers. Youre chronically depressed. Angry. Resentful. You react to your ex in ways that invite more drama and conflict: knee-jerk replies to emails and texts, fighting battles that arent worth fighting, trying to control what goes on in his or her house. The chaos begins to shape your worldview. You stop trusting people. You see trouble where there isnt any. You expect the worst.

You dont have to live this way.

Personal empowerment begins with accepting things you cant control and choosing how you respond not just to events, but also to your own thoughts. If you tell yourself your ex ruined your future, as well as your childrens, how do you think youre going to act? Since your current way of thinking isnt helping you turn your life around, why not replace your bad thoughts with good ones?

Changing the way you think takes discipline and time. Your brain is used to following the well-worn tracks of negativity, so have patience with yourself. When you catch yourself ruminating on the same bad story, watch those destructive thoughts float by, without judgment. Set your intention to swap out your bad thoughts for good ones. Make this a daily, even hourly, practice, and one day youll realize that you havent just survived divorce.

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The Secret To Getting Over Divorce Is Telling Yourself These 5 Things - HuffPost

Mariah Timms , The Tennessean Published 3:44 p.m. CT June 6, 2017 | Updated 24 hours ago

Lanise Harden, a rising sixth-grader who attended the Junior Deputy Camp, demonstrates her favorite radKIDS technique, the elbow strike.(Photo: Submitted)

Nearly 80 students entering sixthgrade in Rutherford County schools attended a Junior Deputy Camp hosted by the Rutherford County Sheriffs Office.

I love how they teach us to defend ourselves if our parents are not around, rising sixth-grader Lanise Harden said. I will do anything to defend myself.

Harden gained confidence while learning self-defense techniques from school resource officers at Riverdale High School and Stewartsboro Elementary School over the four-day course, according to a release from the RCSO.

The students were taught methods of defense from the radKIDS Personal Empowerment Safety Education Program, which teaches decision-making skills and physical resistance options to escape violence, the release said.

Chris Erwin, an SRO with the sheriffs department, led group classes while other SROs helped students hone their skills one on one.

This is to protect you from danger, Erwin said in the release, adding that regular practice will help students turn the techniques into instincts they can act on in case of an emergency.

To allow students to practice the moves properly, Riverdale SRO Jason Urban wore a protective red suit when instructing the children. He said the program teaches students how to get away from an abductor.

SRO Sgt. Tim Hayes, who coordinated the camp at Stewartsboro, said the physical training was the primary focus of the camp.

We train the kids on how to protect themselves from abduction and gave more knowledge of what law enforcement is all about, Hayes said.

More than just teaching children how to defend themselves from theoretical strangers, the SROs held discussions with students about bullying, internet safety, bicycle safety and more.

SRO Mike Farmer of Buchanan Elementary talked with the kids about how to deal with bullying because verbal abuse lasts a lifetime, according to the release.

It means everything in the world to me to show them extra attention, Farmer said.

Students learned about investigations and evidence and how bloodhounds can help track lost children. They also were toured the adult detention center and learned about first aid from Rutherford County Emergency Medical Services paramedic Terry Cunningham.

Overall, the sixth-graders enjoyed the experience.

Shawn Walding said he would definitely remember the radKIDStraining, which he described in the release as awesome and I get to defend myself.

Student A.J. Wilcox liked the different moves he learned, the release said, and fellow student Lucas Lovell said he learned self-defense, preparing him to run away to a safe place.

The Junior Deputy Camp is held annually after the end of the school year and is open to rising sixth-graders attending middle schools.

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Students learn self-defense, gain confidence at Junior Deputy Camp - The Daily News Journal

First Person

By Ronen Habib

Eight years ago, I was beginning to feel burned out. As a teacher at Gunn High School in Palo Alto, Calif., I first taught math and then moved onto algebra, AP economics, and history. I was tired of the amount of work it took to plan lessons, teach, create assessments, and grade, and I was frustrated with my students' obsession with working for grades, rather than their natural curiosity to learn. Conversations with parents about why their child earned a B+ instead of an A- drove me crazy. I began to lose touch with the real reasons I became a teacher.

But in May of 2009, I received a rude wake-up call. I arrived at school to an emergency meeting; one of my students had committed suicide. I was shocked and devastated.

As I sat in the first row at the student's funeral, I was overcome with emotions, bawling alongside my students, and the deceased student's family. He was in my class for six months and in so much pain, I thought. How did I miss this? How were we so disconnected that I had no idea?

Before my student's suicide, I was nave. I looked at my students and made assumptions that they were fine. I would tell myself, "We live in an amazing place at a high-achieving school. These kids have bright futureshow hard could their lives really be?" And I would focus on the content of my teaching and my students' performance. But under the smiles and the high or low grades, my students experienced internal struggles that were not always readily visible.

Although I felt helpless in the face of my student's suicide, I suddenly felt a new purpose. I knew that something needed to change. If I were to continue to be an educator, nothing could stop me from putting my students' well-being first. I became determined to figure out how to connect more authentically and form stronger relationships with my students. I wouldn't worry about academic standards, content, or grades, until I made sure they felt like they belonged and gave them more skills to ride the waves of life.

I set out to create a course on positive psychology, the scientific study of what makes life most worth living, for juniors and seniors at my school. The curriculum focused on personal empowerment: We live life "choice by choice." I taught students that it's critical to be aware of our emotions as well as the suffering that can be caused by our thoughts. We dont need to "buy into" what our inner critic is telling us, and treating ourselves with compassion is key to our well-being and resilience. In the first year, 107 students signed up. Year after year, I've seen hundreds of students pass through my classroom and change their behavior, including the debilitating nature of perfectionism so many students wrestle with in high school.

These principles were also useful in every other class that I taught. Incorporating just five minutes of mindfulness into my AP economics course saved instructional minutes because the students were more focused.

To train other teachers to use strategies of positive psychology with their students, I created EQ Schools, a California-based organization that empowers educators through positive psychology, emotional intelligence, and mindfulness training. In trainings, teachers learn about the neurobiology of stress, focus, and happiness, as well as the creative ways to incorporate play and social-emotional skills in classrooms such as playing games and doing yoga. Teachers say that they felt revived and inspired, and that bringing emotions into learning, as well as taking stock of how burned out they are, is transforming their classrooms.

Over the last few years, I've had the privilege of working with thousands of educators across California, and it's abundantly clear that our societys obsession with academic performance and preparing students for tests leaves them, and many teachers, drained and empty. As teachers, we want our students to be well-educated, but when the balance shifts to focusing on educating students brains to the detriment of their well-being, students are at risk.

And it's not only students who are struggling. Teaching is one of the most stressful professions, and burnout rates are very high. But it doesn't have to be this way. It is time for us to prioritize and infuse our schools with more joy, connection, and a focus on well-being. Learning will deepen, academic achievements will improve, and we'll raise a generation of happier, well-adjusted, and creatively confident people.

Research shows that emotional intelligence is far more predictive of a person's future success than academic achievements. Happier students and teachers tend to be more productive, creative, and resilient. And happiness is a positive-sum game. The happier you are as a teacher, the happier your students and colleagues will be, too.

So, how can you work to bring more happiness into your classroom?

Be present. You know those times you are with a student or colleague, but you are actually ruminating about how your last lesson went or why some of your student scored poorly on a portion of a test? Or perhaps youre fearing the evaluation that you will get from your department head? You're not being present and this diminishes your well-being. The trick isn't to beat yourself up when you notice your mind wandering, but to remind yourself to return your focus. Bringing your mind back when it wanders can go a long way toward strengthening the muscle of being present.

Connect deeply with others. According to Harvard University's Study of Adult Development, which has studied participants mental and physical health over decades, relationships are the No. 1 predictor of happiness and longevity. Before you begin your class, take three deep breaths and as your students enter the classroom, greet them with warmth and eye contact, and maybe even send them silent good thoughts. Ask yourself, what is one small step you can take today to cultivate or feed a supportive learning environment and connect with students?

Take time to experience positive emotions. Take a moment to think about one thing you feel grateful for today and savor that feeling. Give a colleague a compliment or write them a supportive note. Games, like "Pass the Sound," also help to foster joy and build community in your classroom. Have your students stand in a circle. Tell the first person next to you to clap, and then the next, and the next, until the clap gets all the way around the circle. Explain that this is timed and the goal is to "pass the clap" under a certain number of seconds. Tell them that if we 'fail,' we are going to celebrate our failure like crazy! In unison, shout "woohoo!" and throw our hands up in the air. If they are successful, up the challenge by decreasing the number of seconds. And so on. Cultivate a playful attitude. Cheer them on, and tell them you believe in them, even if we fail all together.

Feel your negative feelings. Some might think that the best way to get through difficult emotions is to ignore them and move on. But the more you suppress your emotions, the more problematic they become. As teachers, we must cultivate nonjudgmental awareness of difficult feelings so we can strive to be more perceptive to our students when they are down. Letting them know they are not alone in struggling with anger or sadness will help them feel more comfortable reaching out to others for support.

Invest in self-care. When I ask teachers what they do for self-care, they often chuckle, "Who has time for that?" But if you don't learn to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, you might unintentionally affect your students because you seem grouchy or distant. You might also burn out, which means your students would miss out on your gifts. Take a moment to think about what recharges your battery, whether it's going on a walk outside and appreciating the trees or taking a slightly longer showerschedule it into your day.

Continue to grow and pursue intrinsic goals. Your professional development and growth should be meaningful. Take time to identify a personal or professional goal you have for yourself and break it down into steps. What kind of impact do you make for your students, and how are you going to do so?

Photo provided by author.

Coverage of social and emotional learning is supported in part by a grant from the NoVo Foundation, at http://www.novofoundation.org. Education Week retains sole editorial control over the content of this coverage.

Ronen Habib is a teacher and ed-tech coordinator at Gunn High School in Palo Alto, Calif. He is the founder of EQ Schools, which provides emotional-intelligence training to teachers, students, and parents in the United States and abroad. He is also a contributing writer for EdSurge.

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Happiness Before Homework: Focusing on Feelings in the Classroom - Education Week (subscription)