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Category Archives: Golden Rule

Don’t Trust the Golden Rule It Probably Doesn’t Apply to Your Relationship. – The Good Men Project

Posted: May 24, 2020 at 3:18 pm

Weve all heard about the golden rule, right?

If you didnt hear it directly from your parents mouths, then you surely learned about it from a teacher, or a preacher, or perhaps a random old person in the street.

The most commonly used version of the golden rule, at least when I was growing up, was this:

This basic concept of treating others as oneself would wish to be treated is considered the ethic of reciprocity.

Its been around for thousands of years. And whilst there are different variants of the concept, the same principle is referenced in all the major religions.

Here are a few examples:

Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. The Buddha, Udana-Varga 5.18

In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you. Jesus, Matthew 7:12

Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself. Confucius, Analects 15.23

This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. Mahabharata 5:1517

What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbour. Hillel, Talmud, Shabbath 31a


I can acknowledge that the golden rule is a pretty decent guiding principle for life.

Particularly when you are dealing with new people, or perhaps someone you dont know very well, then treating someone the way you would like to be treated is a great place to start.

Lets be honest, if everyone lived by this one rule, then the world would be a much happier place.

So I dont mean to dis the golden rule. It still has its place!

But unfortunately, when it comes to relationships with people you know well, especially someone you know as intimately as your partner, then Im here to tell you that the golden rule doesnt cut it.

And heres why..

That which floats your boat does not necessarily float your partners.

What I mean by this, is that treating your partner the way YOU would like to be treated is not always the best option. Instead, you would be better off treating them the way THEY would like to be treated.

In my relationship, whenever Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries come around I get quite stressed. I really dont enjoy shopping for gifts.

Now, it could simply be that Im a tight-arse who doesnt want to spend the money. Some may agree with that statement.

Personally, I like to claim the more honorable title of being non-materialistic

Whatever the reason, I find the whole process unnecessarily stressful.

And because of this, I put it off until the last minute, which often means I dont produce a very good gift.

Ive hit the jackpot a few times. But theres also been plenty of last-minute phone-ins. It often ends with an online gift voucher or something even less creative like a bunch of flowers.

Not surprisingly, this has sometimes resulted in my partner feeling, well not particularly loved!

My partner, on the other hand, is a professional gift giver. She spends months in the planning, researching and shopping for a gift. And she always manages to come up with something original.

A lot of effort goes into it and I know its really important to her.

If Im honest (and Ive told her this, so I can share it with you), whilst I appreciate the effort shes gone to, it doesnt really make me feel loved. Id rather she didnt buy me a gift and instead just told me she loved me.

Meanwhile, when Im trying to show my partner that I love her, Ill often try and do it by simply telling her directly and honestly. Ill try to use words of affirmation. Ill tell her what a great partner she is and why I think shes amazing.

But much like the gifts that shes been giving me the words get noticed, but they dont have the desired cut through. They arent making her feel loved.

We both have good intentions. We are both trying to show the other person we love them. But we are going about it the wrong way.

We are speaking to them in our language, not theirs.

This concept of different love languages is explained in a book by Dr. Gary Chapman.

After years of working as a marriage counselor, Dr. Chapman concluded that there are five different ways that people experience emotional love.

According to Chapman, all individuals have a natural preference for one of these languages. Its the language in which they prefer to receive love.

And usually, when we try to express our love for someone else, we default to our own preferred language, because, you guessed it thats how we would like to be treated!

The second theory covered in Chapmans book is an even simpler concept to understand. Its called the love tank theory.

The way to think of this is that each person in the relationship has a love tank. During a normal relationship, we are constantly making both deposits and withdrawals into each others love tanks.

Deposits are made through positive actions or signs of love. And these deposits can be communicated in any of the five languages mentioned above.

They could be small gestures, such as a shared experience or a positive interaction. Or they could be more significant actions. Its pretty much any form of positive energy being injected into the relationship.

Withdrawals are also a normal part of any relationship. They can be obvious things like having an argument, forgetting an important date or blaming your partner unfairly. Or they could be more subtle behaviors or interactions that cause your partner to feel slightly less loved.

Whilst its normal for love tanks to go up and down as part of a relationship, Chapman suggests that the secret to achieving long-term relationship success is to ensure both partners love tanks are maintained at a healthy level, so they are both feeling loved.

Obviously, the more loved each partner feels, the more they reciprocate, and it, therefore, triggers a cycle of positive energy.

Both these theories are incredibly simple concepts to grasp. The reason its important to consider them in conjunction is that when it comes to deposits and withdrawals, the relevant love language can have a multiplier effect.

So if you are trying to show your partner you love them, its going to have the biggest impact if you can do so in their love language.

And likewise, if youve ever wondered why your partner is so upset about something that seemed unimportant or trivial to you, it could be that its highly important in their primary love language.

If you are in a long-term relationship, youve probably got a pretty good inkling of what your partners love language may be.

But have you also thought about your own love language?

How self-aware are you of what makes you feel loved?

Chapman suggests three questions that can indicate your own primary love language:

Theres also an online quiz that you and your partner can complete, which will give you a more comprehensive explanation of your preferred love language, along with a relative ranking of each one.

Now that you have a common language to use, make sure you are checking in with your partner regularly to ask them how their love tank is tracking.

Likewise, dont be afraid to speak up when your tank is a little low. Its a great way to share your feelings and admit vulnerability. Something we men are not typically good at.

It may feel a bit corny or forced at first, but youll get used to it. And you are going to be together for many years, so its worth some short-term discomfort to get this part of your relationship thriving for the long-term.

Its also important to notice how things change over time. I know in our case we have recently re-done the survey and both our profiles have changed quite a lot over the past few years.

So dont assume these languages are set in stone. Relationships evolve and so do the individual partners.

Okay, Im not suggesting that we throw away two thousand years of wisdom instilled in the original golden rule. Its still a great principle to live by.

In fact, Im certain Ill catch myself quoting the golden rule to my kids one day.

However, when it comes to relationships, what Im suggesting is that we need to evolve the rule. Give it a bit of a tweak.

Something like this perhaps?

Do unto your loved one as you would have them do unto you they would prefer you do unto them.

By taking the time to understand each others love languages, we can help improve the level of communication in our relationships and ensure we are keeping each others love tanks well fueled.

Over the lifetime of a long-term relationship, this is going to make things a lot easier and a lot happier for both partners.

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Don't Trust the Golden Rule It Probably Doesn't Apply to Your Relationship. - The Good Men Project

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The Golden Rule in Stoicism – The Good Men Project

Posted: at 3:18 pm

Treat others as you would like to be treated by them. The Golden Rule, as its known, is one of the simplest and most influential of all ethical principles. In this article, well begin by looking at what it is before exploring some examples found in the writings of Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, and other Stoic philosophers.

The Golden Rule is a remarkably simple guide to ethical behavior, which anyone can understand and try to follow. Its found in both positive and negative forms:

Indeed many people today take it for granted that applying a different standard to others actions than we do to our own would be a form of moral hypocrisy.

I explored the ways Stoicism can be used as a guide to modern life in my recent book, How to Think Like a Roman Emperor: The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius, but this article will focus on a very simple principle that Stoics used as a guide to ethical action. People often say they find Stoic ethics confusing and want a very clear and simple example of practical advice, well here it is

Versions of the Golden Rule have been identified in many different philosophical and religious traditions, throughout history and across different cultures. For instance, the Talmud quotes the Hebrew sage Hillel the Elder as teaching:

What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow: this is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.

This is one of the Golden Rules most famous expressions, alongside several instances found in the New Testament. For example, in addition to the quote from the Gospel of Matthew at the start of this article, theres also:

And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. Luke, 6.31

However, the Golden Rule is also clearly a theme in Greek and Roman philosophy, especially for the followers of Socrates and later the Stoics. The New Testament actually claims that St. Paul addressed a group of Stoic and Epicurean philosophers on the Areopagus, at foot of the Athenian Acropolis, quoting a couple of lines to them from the Stoic philosopher-poet Aratus (Acts, 17.16).

Paul and other early Christians are therefore known to have been familiar with Stoic philosophy. Indeed, Stoicism is believed by many modern scholars to have been one of the key philosophical influences upon early Christian ethics. Whether or not early Christians actually derived the Golden Rule from Stoic philosophy, they must have realized that the Stoics had already been teaching very similar ideas. Its the ethics of the Socratic and Stoic tradition that were going to focus on therefore in the rest of this article.

Although, the Golden Rule is most commonly associated with Christianity, it was arguably also implicit, centuries earlier, in the Socratic Method or elenchus. Socrates taught us that we should cross-examine ourselves regarding our moral convictions. The word he uses for his method, elenchus, refers to questioning a witness in court in order to expose contradictions in their testimony. In the Socratic dialogues written by both Plato and Xenophon that sometimes takes the form of Socrates drawing attention to someone applying a double standard morally by praising or criticizing qualities in others but not in themselves. Socrates described his use of Socratic Questioning as a sort of therapy that aims to cure people of their conceit regarding the most important things in life, especially contradictory assumptions about the nature of good and evil, virtue and vice. Its a cure, in other words, for moral hypocrisy and inconsistency.

For instance, in one of Xenophons dialogues, Socrates asks a young man called Critobulus to describe the qualities hes seeking in a friend (Memorabilia, 2.6). They agree that the ideal friend would have positive qualities such as moral virtue, self-discipline, and kindness. However, Socrates suddenly turns the question around by asking Critobulus how many of these qualities he embodies himself. Hes ashamed to admit that he possesses very few of them. He was judging others by a standard, for being a good friend, that he neglected to apply to himself. Socrates makes him realize that because he finds it fairly easy to describe what behavior he would praise in others that can potentially serve as a reliable guide when it comes to judging his own character and actions.

In another dialogue, Socrates friend Chaerecrates is complaining about his older brothers behavior. He wants his brother to treat him with more respect but claims he doesnt know how to achieve this.

I assure you, said Socrates, so far as I can see, you neednt employ any subtle or novel method on him: I think you could prevail on him to have high regard for you by using means which you understand yourself. Xenophon, Memorabilia, 2.3

Its not rocket science, in other words. Chaerecrates, though, insists hes not aware of any magic formula for winning other peoples respect.

Tell me, then, said Socrates, if you wanted to prevail upon one of your acquaintances to invite you to dinner whenever he was holding a celebration, what would you do?

Chaerecrates admits that, of course, hed begin by taking the initiative and inviting the other person to dinner first. Socrates, therefore, asks what hed do if he wanted someone to take care of his property while hes traveling. Charecrates says hed offer to do the same for them first. What, asks Socrates, if you wanted a foreigner to invite you to their home as a guest when visiting their country? Once again, Charecrates admits that obviously I should first have to do the same for him. Socrates, with typical irony, concludes:

So you know all the magic spells that influence human conduct, and have kept your knowledge dark all this time! Why do you hesitate to begin? Are you afraid that you will look bad if you treat your brother well before he treats you well?

Of course, our moral values need to be sound in the first place but Socrates quite rightly pointed out that much progress can be achieved toward rationality simply by resolving inconsistencies in our ethical thinking.

The only difference here is that Socrates limits this advice to treating our friends as we wish to be treated by them in return. However, in other dialogues, he appears to argue that the wise man seeks to help both friends and enemies. Nevertheless, these examples and others clearly show theres plenty of Golden Rule type thinking to be found in the Socratic dialogues. Indeed, in Platos Laws, although its not attributed to Socrates, the Golden Rule is stated quite explicitly in relation to property rights:

The principle of them is very simple: Thou shalt not if thou canst help, touch that which is mine, or remove the least thing which belongs to me without my consent; and may I be of a sound mind, and do to others as I would that they should do to me. Plato, Laws, 11.913

The Stoics reputedly considered themselves to be a Socratic school of philosophy and they drew a great deal of inspiration from Socrates. In their writings, we, therefore, find the Golden Rule developed into something much closer to its more familiar form, as found in the Christian tradition.

In the fragments from the Stoic Hierocles preserved by Stobaeus, for instance, we find a very clear expression of the Golden Rule:

The first admonition, therefore, is very clear, easily obtained, and is common to all men. For it is a sane assertion, which every man will consider as evidence. And it is this: Act by everyone, in the same manner as if you supposed yourself to be him, and him to be you. Hierocles, Fragments

Hierocles goes on to illustrate this point by reference to the master-slave relationship:

For he will use a servant well who considers with himself, how he would think it proper to be used by him if he indeed was the master, and himself the servant. The same thing also must be said of parents with respect to children, and of children with respect to parents; and, in short, of all men with respect to all. Hierocles, Fragments

In discussing the master-slave relationship, the Stoic philosopher Seneca likewise wrote:

But this is the kernel of my advice: Treat your inferiors as you would be treated by your betters. Seneca, Letters, 47

In On Anger, Seneca explains that when growing angry with another person over some perceived transgression, Stoics should remind themselves that they are capable of doing the same or similar things.

No one says to himself, I myself have done or might have done this very thing which I am angry with another for doing. Seneca, On Anger, 3.12

A few sentences later, he expands upon this by also applying a version of the Golden Rule to the problem of anger:

Let us put ourselves in the place of him with whom we are angry: at present, an overweening conceit of our own importance makes us prone to anger, and we are quite willing to do to others what we cannot endure should be done to ourselves. Seneca, On Anger, 3.12

Elsewhere, Seneca applies this wisdom to the question of how best to bestow gifts or favors on others:

Let us consider it in what way a benefit should be bestowed. I think that I can point out the shortest way to this; let us give in the way in which we ourselves should like to receive. Seneca, On Benefits, 2.1

In one of the fragments sometimes attributed to Epictetus, he writes:

What you avoid suffering yourself, seek not to impose on others. Epictetus, Fragments

Epictetus, himself a freed slave, continues as follows:

You avoid slavery, for instance; take care not to enslave. For if you can bear to exact slavery from others, you appear to have been yourself a slave. For vice has nothing in common with virtue, nor freedom with slavery. As a person in health would not wish to be attended by the sick nor to have those who live with him in a state of sickness ; so neither would a person who is free bear to be served by slaves, nor to have those who live with him in a state of slavery. Epictetus, Fragments

Marcus Aurelius nowhere states the Golden Rule as explicitly as either Hierocles or Seneca. The closest he comes is in the following passage:

See that you never feel towards misanthropes as such people feel towards the human race. Meditations, 7.65

However, throughout The Meditations, he does adopt the related assumption that we should treat all others as our kinsmen and fellow citizens. For instance, in perhaps one of the books most famous passages he writes:

Nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him, for we are made for co-operation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth. To act against one another then is contrary to nature; and it is acting against one another to be vexed and to turn away. Meditations, 2.1

Marcus elsewhere says that someone who is wise remembers that every rational being is his kinsman, and that to care for all men is according to mans nature (Meditations, 3.4).

Regarding the actions of others he writes:

This is from one of the same stock, and a kinsman and partner, one who knows not however what is according to his nature. But I know; for this reason, I behave towards him according to the natural law of fellowship with benevolence and justice. Meditations, 3.11

In one of the most striking passages in The Meditations, he appears to echo the Christian notion of loving even ones enemies:

It is peculiar to man to love even those who do wrong. And this happens, if when they do wrong it occurs to thee that they are kinsmen, and that they do wrong through ignorance and unintentionally Meditations, 7.22


A branch cut off from the adjacent branch must of necessity be cut off from the whole tree also. So too a man when he is separated from another man has fallen off from the whole social community. Now as to a branch, another cuts it off; but a man by his own act separates himself from his neighbor when he hates him and turns away from him, and he does not know that he has at the same time cut himself off from the whole social system. Yet he has this privilege certainly from Zeus, who framed society, for it is in our power to grow again to that which is near to us, and again to become a part which helps to make up the whole. Meditations, 11.8


Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. For Socrates treating friends otherwise was a moral contradiction, a double standard, and therefore irrational. He even implies that we should show our enemies with the same regard. A few generations later, the Stoics took his ethical philosophy and developed it into more of a system. Zeno, the founder of Stoicism, had said, like Aristotle before him, that a friend is another me (alter ego est amicus). However, we are to strive to make all men (and women) our friends. The Golden Rule gradually become more explicit and took on its familiar form in authors such as Seneca when he admonishes us for being quite willing to do to others what we cannot endure should be done to ourselves.

Finally, in Marcus Aurelius, the last famous Stoic of antiquity, we find a systematic emphasis on the ethics of brotherly love, which the Stoics called philostorgia or natural affection. Were to regard ourselves and others as brothers and sisters, even as limbs of the same organism. From this vision of the unity of humankind, it follows naturally that we should apply the same moral standard to others that we apply to ourselves. This is probably one aspect of what the Stoics meant when they described the supreme goal of life according to their philosophy as living consistently.

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Keep courtesy in mind when you go to vote –

Posted: at 3:18 pm

Hoosiers will begin in-person voting next week, when early voting starts Tuesday and continues through Saturday.

Then comes Election Day on June 2, when political parties will choose their nominees for the fall election.

This years primary election carries little excitement at the top of the ticket, with nominees already certain for president and governor, and no U.S. Senate seat from Indiana on the ballot.

Voters still need to make important decisions about the offices closest to us county commissioners and council members, courthouse officials and state legislators who affect our lives in ways equally important to the actions of governors and presidents.

As we go to the polls, Hoosiers should keep courtesy to their fellow voters in mind.

County clerks have been advised that they cannot require people to wear masks, use hand sanitizer or follow physical-distancing rules when they come to vote.

Any attempt to enforce those rules would be viewed as voter suppression inhibiting people from voting.

Voting officials may not be able to require courteous behavior, but we encourage Hoosiers to self-regulate as they go to the polls over the next few days.

Recognize that some people standing in line with you to vote may be nervous and uncomfortable. Keep a respectable distance even if its not a rule.

People working at polling stations will be taking a medical risk for low pay by exposing themselves to hundreds of people on Election Day. Be especially thoughtful toward their safety, and dont forget to tell them thank you.

Election officials cant do anything to discourage us from voting, but we also should avoid behaving in ways that make our neighbors shy away from the ballot box.

Voting this year may not come with special coronavirus rules, but Hoosiers can apply the Golden Rule when going to the polls.

One Hoosier elected official learned a hard lesson about social media in the past few days.

State Rep. Jim Lucas, a Republican from Seymour, made a post on his Facebook page that many people considered racist.

The new speaker of the Indiana House of Representatives, Todd Huston, R-Fishers, responded quickly and appropriately. He removed Lucas from a leadership position and from two study committees.

For his part, Lucas denied that he is a racist and seemed somewhat apologetic.

On one hand, Lucas expressed resentment toward his critics.

However, he said, I want to make it crystal clear, I 100% accept responsibility. I own this. I have definitely learned from it.

Lucas said Facebook is a great tool for communication, but people should be very careful about what they post, because the littlest things can be blown out of proportion.

Were living in a time when people are so on edge, it takes very little to ignite raging debates on social media. Before posting something to light an online fire that could blow back on you, keep the lesson of Rep. Lucas in mind.

OUR VIEW is written on a rotating basis by Dave Kurtz, Grace Housholder, Michael Marturello and Steve Garbacz. Publisher Terry Housholder is also a member of the editorial board. We welcome readers comments.

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Posted: at 3:18 pm

A couple of businesses that began back in the 1800s have seen wars and depression and pandemics.Now, theyre going to survive the COVID-19 pandemic too.

WVUA23s Mike Royer visited the two Friday as they and their employees are ready to get back to work.

It doesnt take Mike Booker long to chop up three pounds of meat to fill an order at Golden Rule BBQ in Irondale. Hes worked here for 45 years. After weeks of to-go orders only, Golden Rule opened its doors to customers Friday morning, and theyre glad about that

We hear both ways, some people are very excited to come in, some are not so, they dont even want to leave their homes, Sammy Derzis with Golden Rule said. But, well see what happens here and were looking for good things.

After deep cleaning the whole restaurant, they put up a new sign inside golden rule today as sort of a were open for business announcement. The sign out front says theyve been turning out BBQ since 1891. Its been a challenging couple of months.

The volume is down, weve lost some employees, its a whole radical change. But, it looks like theres light at the end of the tunnel, Derzis said.

Just across town in nearby Mountain Brook, things are quieter at Brombergs and Company, the oldest business in the state. Only the University of Alabama has been around longer. Ricky Brombergs great, great, great grandfather started the jewelry company in 183

You know we have been around long enough to be able to weather storms, but if youre just starting off, gosh you werent counting on this, or remotely anything likes this and you know Ihave a heart for those people, Bromberg said.

And even during a worldwide pandemic, important life events go on. People still fall in love and love family.

Weve been blessed to be a part of a lot of a lot lifes happy occasions, be it a wedding or anniversary or birthdays or christening or whatever, whatever it might be and so thats kind of our extra paycheck to be part of those things, Bromberg said.

Because of their longevity, business success and hard work, these two businesses have been able to fight through this challenging time and now have employees back in the business doing what theyve done for years.

Well see what happens now that were opening full blast well see what happens, Derzis said.

All storms run out of rain, right? So, this too will pass, we just dont know exactly when, but you know weve been able to work through challenges as well and i know we will this one as well, Bromberg said.

As Alabama begins to find the light at the end of the tunnel, the hope is that old business and the newest ones will survive these challenges and welcome customers back to their store.

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The age of handshakes may be over so how to seal the deal now? | TheHill – The Hill

Posted: at 3:18 pm

In Washington, as in most of the country, handshakes matter doing everything from helping to establish a relationship, to sealing a legislative deal, to strengthening the bond between friends and allies. They are the physical greetings that accompany your words and help you to form a personal branding perspective. As former President H.W. Bush noted: It is possible to tell things by a handshake. I like the looking in the eye syndrome. It conveys interest. I like the firm, though not bone-crushing, shake. The bone-crusher is trying too hard to macho it. The clammy or diffident handshake fairly or unfairly gets me off to a bad start with a person.

The handshake is a simple act but, as we all know, hard to do well, resulting in news coverage from time to time of awkward moments involving handshakes or the lack thereof.

Every trip to Capitol Hill necessarily includes countless handshakes along the way and, sometime in the not too distant future, we hope the Hill again will swarm with members of Congress, staff, lobbyists, fundraisers and fly-in attendees. But now what are we to do when we finally are face-to-face with one another, after months of national lockdown and social distancing? As Dr. Anthony FauciAnthony FauciSunday shows preview: States begin to reopen even as some areas in US see case counts increase Science alone can't tell us whether to open up our states US enters risky new phase of coronavirus fight MORE, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, recently said, in order to help stop the spread of germs, As a society, just forget about shaking hands, we don't need to shake hands.

Given that politics and handshakes have gone together like July 4 and apple pie, this transition will be an adjustment. Many people dont want to initiate a handshake now, and want to know how to politely decline one as well.

You do both by minding your manners. Manners never change. Being well-mannered means you follow the Golden Rule, by treating others the way you would like to be treated. You treat others with kindness and respect; that hasnt changed.

What does change is societys rules of etiquette. They evolve over time, depending on the needs of society think everything from calling cards with the appropriate corner dog-eared depending on the message you wanted to leave, to telephone etiquette with our ubiquitous cellphone use. The time has come when our society is rethinking proper handshake etiquette and calibrating it for the situation at hand. We need to navigate this evolution of handshaking etiquette with tact and grace.

With shaking hands falling out of favor for how long, who knows? people are seeking out options and have come up with everything from bumping elbows, to doing a fist pump, offering a gingerly wave, resorting to a two-handed jazz-hand performance, and even shaking feet. To say we are in a bit of an awkward phase is an understatement.

Unfortunately, when we feel unsure of ourselves, we tend to touch our faces. It signals a lack of confidence. And, lets face it, when you aretrying to influence others on Capitol Hill, you need to look the part confident to get others to follow you.

The best thing to do is to pick what works for you and consistently do it. If we do this, we all will be more comfortable and confident in our actions. When we confidently handle ourselves in these situations, we will look better, feel better and get more accomplished.

If someone extends their hand but you dont want to reciprocate, its important to use body language to convey confidence, warmth and kindness in place of that handshake while not offending anyone. Instead, give a little bit more space between you and the other person so a handshake is a bit more difficult to complete. Normally, in the U.S., we provide 2 feet to 4 feet of personal space. Thankfully, todays 6 feet of social distancing will create space between us.

Maintain eye contact, smile warmly, and use your voice tone to politely and enthusiastically greet them along with a slight nod of your head. As you do this, you have some options: Keep your arms firmly down by your side, or keep your hands clasped behind your back; hold your right hand over your heart and add a slight bow; or hold something in your right hand like a clutch, briefcase, iPad or even your other hand, so it is otherwise preoccupied and less apt to automatically pop out for that handshake.

Whichever approach you adopt, the other person should quickly pick up the silent but polite signal that you arent comfortable shaking hands. If they keep their hand extended you may then say in a kind tone with an apologetic smile, As a precaution, my rule is no handshaking for now. Unless they are living under a rock, theyll know why.

The key is to graciously, consistently and confidently maintain your preferred method of greeting with everyone you encounter in the workplace; you want to avoid being selectively worried about somepeoples germs and not about others. Instead, be well-mannered by being consistent with your personal greetings during this time of transition.

Catherine C. Wallace worked for 10 years on Capitol Hill on the staff of U.S. Sen. Pat RobertsCharles (Pat) Patrick RobertsThe age of handshakes may be over so how to seal the deal now? Congress headed toward unemployment showdown Family Research Council endorses Roger Marshall in Kansas Senate primary MORE (R-Kan.) and in several positions within the Office of the Clerk in the U.S. House of Representatives. She is a partner with Marvelously Well-Mannered, which provides civility and business etiquette training in Washington.

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Cepeda: The war on masks is yet another battle dividing us – Austin American-Statesman

Posted: at 3:18 pm

LAKE GENEVA, Wis. -- This quaint downtown looked unremarkable on a quiet, rainy Monday morning: Businesses were starting to open, traffic was light. Clusters of teens, elders with dogs, and people carrying bundles of mail for the post office strolled down the street -- almost none wearing protective masks over their nose and mouth.

I broke quarantine to bear witness to Wisconsin's "mixed" status. Many of the state's larger metropolitan areas -- such as Madison and Milwaukee -- are retaining most of the governor's "safer-at-home" measures to combat the spread of coronavirus. Meanwhile, the rest of the state is taking advantage of the Wisconsin Supreme Court's decision to strike down the order to stay closed - giving them the option to roam free.

Tiny towns bordering Illinois took a turn in the Chicago media spotlight as refugees from the windy city's far off exurbs crossed the border to sit at bars with others who just needed a cold beer and a cheeseburger amid all this COVID craziness.

Over the weekend, the resort town of Lake Geneva was reportedly hoppin' with visitors from both sides of the border, and many of them were promenading down the main drag, hitting the beach and taking cruises on the lake.

"All for it," Dave Gragnani of close-by McHenry, Illinois, told the Wisconsin State Journal. He added that he planned to visit a coffee shop and a skatepark without a mask or hand sanitizer. "People should have a choice. I'm having a wonderful time."

Truth be told, I, too, had a wonderful time Monday, as the rain fell softly outside of Joni's Diner, a local favorite that bills itself the "Best Breakfast in Lake Geneva." Walking into the 50's themed replica railcar after months of eating at home or while driving in the family minivan was, well, a relief.

The experience was a little weird, though - there was no counter seating, and each set of visitors sat with an empty booth between them and the next diners. There was also only a limited number of items on the table (no creamer, ketchup or mustard sitting out, for instance).

The small, "mom and pop" business relies almost entirely on seasonal tourists to get through the year financially, but the waitress said they were wading back into sit-down service slowly and carefully.

The staff seemed just as relieved to be back to work as I was to have delicious diner coffee and a fresh, crisp golden Belgian waffle with full-sugar syrup.

None of the staff wore masks, and though my husband and I wore masks in, we kept them off during the meal. We also kept our distance, if that's even a sufficient manner of avoiding infection.

Condemn me if you will, but I had an opportunity to venture out of my hiding hole and took it. I relished it, thanking the universe for keeping me from political confrontation.

In some places, like the grocery store, you get the glare or side-eye if you're (BEG ITAL)not(END ITAL) wearing a mask over your face. In others, like Walmart, the hardware store or the gas station, you might get a weird look if you (BEG ITAL)are(END ITAL) wearing a mask.

Some assume that those who wear a mask are weak willed, easily brainwashed and possess socialist leanings. Instead, the person wearing the mask might instead just be covering their mouth and nose as a courtesy to others, including the elderly and immunocompromised.

Those who do wear masks might look at those without a face covering and think that he or she doesn't believe in science and is a selfish supporter of President Trump. And those who don't wear masks might rebut this with sincere beliefs about individual liberties and choice.

"The war on masks is a way of taking a public health crisis -- a situation that demands political unity and best practices in governance -- and reshaping it into a culture war competition," wrote Zack Beauchamp on "The question is not 'are we doing a good job handling this' so much as 'whose team do you want to be on, the namby-pamby liberals or the strong fearless conservatives?'"

Masks -- and restaurant and bar visits -- have become a point of contention all over the country, fueling violence against innocent frontline food and restaurant employees who are just doing their best to stay healthy while working a high-touch, minimum wage "essential" job.

It's a tough time all around. Just remember, as we start venturing out of quarantine, to be nice and follow the golden rule. It stands up well through times of trauma: Treat others the way you'd want to be treated.

Cepeda is a nationally syndicated columnist with The Washington Post Writers Group.

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Letters to the Editor Three cheers to caregivers, Presbyterian Dallas health care workers, CJ Bostic – The Dallas Morning News

Posted: at 3:18 pm

1 Caregivers I want to applaud a group of dedicated workers who embody the golden rule by helping those in need during the COVID-19 crisis. Folks like our dedicated workers at Community Options, a nonprofit provider of residential care for adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities throughout Texas.

Our caregivers are among the thousands of direct support professionals who care for people with disabilities, disabilities that leave them increasingly vulnerable if COVID-19 were to take hold. Our caring workers do not have the luxury of working from home and often work for little more than minimum wage. These essential workers are the unsung heroes who are creatively engaging our individuals through their dedication and bravery to care for our most vulnerable citizens.

So, a Texas-sized thank-you to all essential workers who are keeping us safe.

Jamie Reynolds, Dallas, Texas director of Community Options

2 Health care workers at Presbyterian Hospital My mom fell recently and broke her hip. An ambulance took her to the hospital where she had to wait for surgery until her blood thickened. More than anything, I would like to show up for my Mom. I would like to hold her hand and be her comforter. Thinking of her lonely and afraid hurts in ways that are difficult to express.

Dont ever think that COVID-19 isnt causing heartbreak. Dont ever think that it isnt impacting your neighbors and that it wont ever impact you. It is mean. It doesnt just cause immensely hard disappointments for missed weddings and graduations. It also causes fear and isolation. Those things are without comfort and for me, my worst nightmare.

Thank you to the invisible health care workers at Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas. Your jobs are extra hard because you are doing physical and emotional work. Your courage to show up, your comfort for my mom behind your masks, your willingness to take the extra time to communicate with us all of this gives me hope. Thank you seems too light. Too regular. You are beyond regular. You are our light.

MerriLee Anderson, Dallas

3 C.J. BosticThree cheers to Jacksons Home and Garden for letting me in while trying to close for the day, and more important to C.J. Bostic, the customer in front of me who for no reason and without hesitation paid for my tree fertilizer and pest spray (which were not cheap).

When Bostic insisted on payment after I said absolutely not, I wanted to jump off of my yellow X and hug her. She said just say thank you, so I did and burst into tears. I Googled her later and learned she was one of Herb Kellehers early hires at Southwest. I see why. Thanks, C.J.!

Catherine Howell, Dallas

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Local businessman Ed Ross dies at the age of 95 – Zanesville Times Recorder

Posted: at 3:18 pm

DRESDEN - A long-time area business ownerdied this week at the age of 95.

Ed Ross(Photo: Submitted)

Edward Ross, founder of Ross Brothers Trucking, and owner of Valley Concrete and Supply, Apache Aggregate and Paving, and Ross Oil Co., passed away May 20, at Genesis Hospice Morrison House.

"Ed was a great man, an old-time gentleman," said Mike Parks, who worked for Ross Brothers Trucking for 27 years. "He was soft spoken, very smart and cared for his family dearly.

Though not blood related, Parks saidhe was always made to feel like part of the Ross family.

"One of his signature trademarks what a subtle pat on the shoulder," Parks said. "He could calm anyone down with just that pat on the shoulder. And, he didn't need a clock to tell him it was noon - time to go eat."

Parks said Ed made a huge contribution to the trucking industry in Coshocton County, and was president of the Ohio Truckers Association for a number of years.

"He was just a generous man all around," Parks said. "He made many dear friends with the business owners. I never heard anyone say a bad word about Ed. He was just a great man."

Ed was the second of four children born to Denny and Mildred Balo Ross on Feb. 16, 1925. On Feb. 25, 1945, just days after his 20th birthday, Ed married Charlene Riley. They celebrated their 75th anniversary this year.

READ:She is his girl, he is her guy

Together, the couple had three sons James, Donald and Charles.

"The one thing I would want people to know about dad is that he always lived by the Golden Rule- do unto others as you would have them do unto you," said Don Ross. "In my whole life I never saw him treat anyone unkindly or unfairly. He lived a rich and full life because he lived by that principle."

At every family gathering or special occasion Edalways made sure everyone had what they needed before he could feel comfortable to sit down, according to his daughter-in-law, Becky Ross.

Ed and Charlene had13 grandchildrenand 17 great-grandchildren.

"He was our leader, provider, example, and so many other things," said granddaughter, Krista Edwards."He was bigger than life to our family. I am appreciative of all he gave us, the love he had for us and most importantly the love he had for grandma. He was proud of us, even when we disappointed him. And during those times he would let us know both. He taught us how to work hard and earn the things we have in life. He is a legend."

Granddaughter Sarah Harmon said Ed always helped those in need, whether they ask for it or not. "If there was a need, he fulfilled it."

"It is impossible to sum up the life of grandpa in a quotable quote," said granddaughter, Amy Burr."He is unlike anyone i ever knew. He was the center of our family. He was a pillar of the community. He was savvy but not arrogant. He was down-to-earth approachable kind and ever so generous. There is none of us that deserve the love he gave us and none of us will ever be the same without him. He is so greatly missed."

Ed was also active in many social and civic affairs, including Ohio State Grange, Elks, Masons 32nd degree, and Shriners.He supported Tri-Valley High School in its activities and was inducted into the Tri-Valley Hall of Distinction in 2016.

"Grandpa wasnt just amazing for how successful he was in his professional career, although he certainly was very successful,"said grandson, Tim Ross. "It also wasnt just his contributions to the community, which were many. Grandpa was the most kind and straightforward person I have ever known. He took care of all of us and impacted the lives of so many people around him. The world would be a much better place if there were more people like Ed Ross in it. I will miss him every day."

A private family service, under the direction of Miller Funeral Home in Coshocton, will be held. Ed will be laid to rest in South Lawn Cemetery.

Memorial contributions may be directed to the Dresden-Madison Presbyterian Church, 808 High St., Dresden, Ohio 43821 or Genesis Morrison House Hospice, 713 Forest Ave., Zanesville, Ohio 43701.


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Essilor celebrates United Nations’ recommendation to governments to ensure good vision of all road users – GlobeNewswire

Posted: at 3:18 pm

Global Ministerial Conference Road Safety Stockholm 2020


Importance of vision for road safety


ESSILOR_Road Safety Fund


(Charenton-le-Pont, 18 May 2020) Effective April 1st, the call to ensure good vision for all road users in the world is now part of the ITC Recommendations for Enhancing National Road Safety Systems. The recommendations were adopted by the governments at the Inland Transport Committee (ITC), the United Nations regulatory platform in the field of inland transport. Essilor celebrates this major milestone, an incentive to generalise eye tests and facilitate access to eyecare, and reinforces its commitment towards safe mobility, as a vision care leader and as a donor to the United Nations Road Safety Fund

This historic achievement builds on the 3rd Global Ministerial Conference on Road Safety, held in Stockholm last February, where main representatives of governments, public and private sectors called for a precise framework to achieve the United Nations road safety-related 2030 Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs).

Following the Stockholm declaration, the ITC recommendations for Enhancing National Road Safety Systems, which came into effect on April 1st, represent a major guide towards road safety across the globe. It particularly calls countries to adopt specific rules to ensure appropriate vision for all road users as an important lever to achieve this goal.

With up to 90% of the information needed to take safe decisions on the road coming through our eyes, good vision is a critical factor for the safety of drivers, bikers, cyclists and pedestrians of all age. However, there is still a substantial lack of awareness about the importance of good vision and, access to sustainable eye care remains limited in large parts of the world, with 1 in 3 people still suffering from uncorrected poor vision. Hence, regular vision screenings are a crucial step.

As announced during the Ministerial lunch at Stockholm, Essilor officially joins the United Nations Road Safety Fund (UNRSF) through a US$200,000 cash contribution, becoming UNRSF donor as of 5thMay 2020. It is a major milestone following the successful collaboration with the FIA (Fdration Internationale de lAutomobile)* since 2017 promoting the golden rule Check your vision for all road users. By joining the UNRSF, Essilor reinforces its long-term commitment to contribute to safe mobility across the globe and will continue to innovate for solutions allowing road users to check, correct, protect and enhance their vision.

As part of its efforts, and as countries gradually lift their lockdown restrictions in the context of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, the Essilor Group will be launching an international public campaign entitled On the Road again in June 2020. Driven by the hashtag #MaxVisionMaxSafety, it will encourage drivers, bikers, cyclists and pedestrians to enjoy the recovered mobility safely with optimal vision.

David Navarro, VP Vision & Road Safety at Essilor, declared: In a world where people are preparing to get back on the road in the context of the COVID-19 crisis, the recommendations of the United Nations come at a very timely moment. Along with the fundamental role of good vision for all road users, this set of rules is a real game-changer, enabling countries to adapt their national policies accordingly. As a vision care leader and member of the UNRSF, we are thrilled to contribute to safe mobility by boosting awareness, innovation, access to vision tests and vision care everywhere around the globe, in line with our mission of improving lives by improving sight.


About the Inland Transport Committee (ITC) of the United NationsThe Inland Transport Committee(ITC) is the United Nations platform for inland transport to help efficiently address global and regional needs in inland transport. ITC is serviced by the United Nations Economic Commission for Europe (UNECE)In the course of the last 72 years, together with its subsidiary bodies, the ITC has provided anintergovernmental forum, where United Nations Member States and other relevant stakeholders come together to forge tools for economic cooperation and negotiate and adopt international legal instruments on inland transport.These legal instruments are considered indispensable for developing efficient, harmonized and integrated, safe and sustainable inland transport systems.Find here: ITC Recommendations for Enhancing Road Safety Systems, adoption release.

About the United Nations Road Safety Fund (UNSRF)The creation of the UNRSF as a UN Multi-Partner Trust Fund in April 2018 has been a historic step in the fight for road safety, as requested in the resolution 70/260 adopted during the UN General Assembly in April 2016. The Fund was created to finance actions in low- and middle-income countries to a) substantially reduce death and injuries from road crashes, and b) reduce economic losses resulting from these crashes.As a unique and multi-stakeholder financing instrument, the Fund gathers concerned UN organizations, governments, private sector, academia and civil society under one umbrella and for common purpose.The secretariat of the Fund is hosted in Geneva by the UNECE. Its administrative agent is the United Nations Multi-Partner Trust Fund Office in New York.For more information, please visit:

About the Fdration Internationale de lAutomobile (FIA) and Essilor partnership

In 2017, Essilor and the FIA (Fdration Internationale de lAutomobile) partnered to lead the fight against the lack of awareness on the crucial link between vision and road safety, through the joint promotion of the FIA-created Check your vision golden rule, which stands together with other main risk factors on the road (speed, buckle seat belts, mobile phone usage, check tyres, etc). Their wide awareness campaigns have called public and stakeholders to join and take action

About Essilor Essilor International is the worlds leading ophthalmic optics company. Essilor designs, manufactures and markets a wide range of lenses to improve and protect eyesight. Its mission is to improve lives by improving sight. To support this mission, Essilor allocates more than 200 million to research and innovation every year, in a commitment to continuously bring new, more effective products to market. Its flagship brands are Varilux, Crizal, Transitions, EyezenTM, Xperio, Foster Grant, BolonTM and Costa. It also develops and markets equipment, instruments and services for eyecare professionals. Essilor International is a subsidiary of EssilorLuxottica. The EssilorLuxottica share trades on the Euronext Paris market and is included in the Euro Stoxx 50 and CAC 40 indices. Codes and symbols: ISIN: FR0000121667; Reuters: ESLX.PA; Bloomberg: EL:FP. For more information, please visit


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The 34 most annoying things that golfers do on the course –

Posted: at 3:18 pm

It all comes down to three things: Show up on time, play fast, and be considerate of others.


Golf is a strange but wonderful game, full of rules both written and unwritten. The ability to navigate those waters determines whether youre a good playing partner or not, which is arguably an even more desirable status than your ability to play the game itself. If youre a pleasant person to play with, youll find yourself getting all the fancy invites.

Then theres the other side. We asked members of our How To Hit Every Shot instruction Facebook group last week (which you can join yourself right here) for the most annoying things that their playing partners do on the golf course. The comments poured in. So the next time you find yourself wondering why youre not getting asked to play more by your buddies, give this list a good look, and ask yourself: Am I that guy or gal?

Look, no one is actually going to hate you for making putts. But it is worth noting that if youre dropping bombs on the green and winning your match because of it, dont go overboard with the gloating, because then people absolutely will start hating you for making putts.

This is my pet peeve. Understand ball flight, people! If a ball is carving out to the right, theres no chance of it getting left, so dont pretend like there is.

Have some awareness. If its taking you eight shots to get to the green, dont slow the whole group down and make them watch all that. Pick up your ball, sit this one out, and move on.

Dont be that guy. If youre going to have a long pre-shot routine, you better hit it good.

In the words of one of our Facebook members: If youre some random Ive been paired with, take the hint, shut the heck up.

Nobody wants to play with someone who throws a temper tantrum, or someone who jumps for joy two holes later when they make a birdie putt.

Yeah, dont be that creepy guy. She doesnt want any of it and neither do your playing partners.

Again, dont be that guy. If you need to take a call on the course, it had better be an emergency.

Giving advice on the golf course is an art. If you havent mastered it, stay away.

Standing over the ball for a long time is annoying for golfers at every level, so dont do it.

Walk quickly, play quickly, and people will give you a lot of leeway for other things.

Weve all played with the guy who tells you they shot even par last week, even though theyre 10 over through 10 holes on their current round.

Dude, we dont care.

Youre not a Tour pro, so dont act like one. Read your putt quickly, and commit. Youll probably make more that way anyway.

It all rolls up into one thing: Be considerate of others.

Ugh, the worst. Though, to be fair, its all about tone. You can tell people their ball might be OB, just be nice about it.

It really is the least you can do.

Dont patronize my golf game!

Another golden rule: Youre not a tour pro, so dont act like one.

Have some awareness. If you hit a drive 280 yards once, it doesnt mean you hit 280-yard drives all the time.

Cheating, in other words. Dont cheat.

Were all for music on the course, as long its considerate of those around you. If youre going to share the same space as people, dont blare music at them.

One of my pet peeves. If I made a birdie, I want to tee off first. Its a small victory that doesnt come around often, so give me that.

Nobody cares.

Like making lots of putts, it only becomes an issue when you start gloating about it.

A bit of smack talk is fine, but dont go overboard. Dont play dirty.

Leave me and my golf ball alone to sort out our own issues.

One of golfs cardinal rules: Dont run so late that your playing partners have to start worrying.

Oh, I didnt see it.

Im guilty of this too often, but if your buddy hits his ball in some trouble, at least give him a fighting chance of helping him find it.

Wait until your playing partner is off the tee before trying to chase him away.

My divots are my own to repair.

Were playing golf, not hunting for golf balls.

Its just a game. Chill out.

Does it really matter if its 174 to the middle or 176? Just hit the ball.

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