ACTING PRIME MINISTER CAUGHT ACTING LIKE A PRIME MINISTER<\/p>\n
While PM Scott Morrison holidays in an undisclosed Hawaii, acting Prime Minister Michael McCormack has gotten into strife comparing the January 6 attack on the US Capitol with margarine.<\/p>\n
Nutter is better than Marge, he said.<\/p>\n
These are unfortunate events, said McCormack. Many people dont remember how you rode the horse; they remember how you dismount the horse.<\/p>\n
This sparked a horserace riot.<\/p>\n
The Ultra-National Party leaders comments outraged Amnesty International and other inner-city finger-knitting Arts students.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, McCormack has remained staunchly behind (and a little to the right) of Liberal goose-stompers Craig Kelly and George Christensen.<\/p>\n
After disseminating non-information about the US election and hydroxychloroquine hair tonic, these two Sky News hopefuls have been accused of sharing ludicrous codswallop and other fish recipes.<\/p>\n
The Acting PM said, Facts are sometimes contentious, which he asserted as a fact.<\/p>\n
TRUMP TO FORM NEW PARTY: THE REPUBLICATS<\/p>\n
Drumming bunny US President Donald Trump will form a new political party that is way more animated.<\/p>\n
The new political party is Trumps way of going quietly as loudly as possible.<\/p>\n
A new movie, The Republicats, features Trump licking his wounds and his back fur.<\/p>\n
Trumps legal challenges over election fraud were laughed out of courts, proof the President has lost none of his entertainment value.<\/p>\n
In other cat news, Trump has warned US Vice-President Mike Pence that he will go down in history as a pussy.<\/p>\n
Pences security agents are prepared for a grab attack.<\/p>\n
Without Trump, the media will have nothing to talk about apart from the inevitable return of Trump.<\/p>\n
A White House spokesman who admitted to being a White House spokesman said, Trump is the first US president to be impeached twice, so hes proud of that.<\/p>\n
VEGANUARY ADMITS CRUELTY TO LANGUAGE<\/p>\n
Vegan stars have thrown their weight (or as much of it as their depleted strength allows) behind Veganuary.<\/p>\n
Sir Paul McCartney, Joaquin Phoenix and Kim Kardashian are promoting a vegan diet through January, or as long as vegans can go without mentioning it to everybody.<\/p>\n
(Kardashian admits to dipping in and out of veganism between meals.)<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, a vegan from a wealthy country sent pictures of beef, egg and cheese to a starving child in a poorer country. This is what I dont eat, said the vegan. What dont you eat?<\/p>\n
The starving child replied, I wont swallow pontificating twaddle.<\/p>\n
Veganuary will be followed by Proteinuary, when we can all go back to talking about something interesting.<\/p>\n
In other news <\/p>\n
Tim Ferguson is a widely acclaimed comedian, writer, TV host, and a member of the Doug Anthony Allstars. You can follow him on Twitter at@RealTimFerguson<\/p>\n
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Visit link: <\/p>\n
The Ferguson Report: Fake news you can trust - The New Daily<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" ACTING PRIME MINISTER CAUGHT ACTING LIKE A PRIME MINISTER While PM Scott Morrison holidays in an undisclosed Hawaii, acting Prime Minister Michael McCormack has gotten into strife comparing the January 6 attack on the US Capitol with margarine. Nutter is better than Marge, he said. Continue reading