I stopped making New Years resolutions a long time ago, when I realized that they were all doomed to failure. <\/p>\n
I never lost all that weight I resolved to lose. <\/p>\n
I never went to a Chicago Cubs World Series game. <\/p>\n
Most importantly, I never stopped drinking once I realized that Irish whiskey made all my other problems vanish. <\/p>\n
So instead of making doomed resolutions, I long ago decided to use New Years Eve to assess the status of the one resolution I have succeeded in keeping the resolution to live forever. <\/p>\n
And this years assessment is: So far, so good! <\/p>\n
I realize that I am not the first dude who decided he wanted to dodge the whole dying deal. A lot of other folks have tried their hand at immortality but they have fallen short probably because they forgot to check their progress every New Years Eve. <\/p>\n
Jeanne Calment of France made a good run of it until she died at 122 years old as the oldest recorded human being in history. And she wasnt just staying alive, she was living! She was smart enough to keep hitting the port wine and chocolate right up to the end, but it was probably her resolution to give up the cigarettes at 117 that did her in. <\/p>\n
Ive got a ways to go before I pass Ms. Calment in the geezer department, but Ill get there, because Im vigilant enough to keep checking every New Years. And once I show her my tail lights, there are a few other oldies Ive got to set my sights on. <\/p>\n
For example, the oldest orange roughy lived to be 149 years old. Ive had filets at Long John Silvers that were probably nearly that old, but at almost a century and a half, thats one tough roughy, you have to admit. <\/p>\n
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\nThe View From Planet Kerth: Another check on my endless New Year's resolution<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"