Since Jan. 6, 2021, many Trump supporters have been preparing to wage war against the U.S. government. The Onion asked conservatives why they are preparing for a civil war, and this is what they said.<\/p>\n
Ryan Williams (Mechanic)<\/p>\n
We have no choice. The Constitution clearly states that the South shall rise again.<\/p>\n
Lee Skillman (Magazine Editor)<\/p>\n
It would just be nice to have a civil war we could teach about and not bring up slavery.<\/p>\n
Jeffrey Gunnell (Software Developer)<\/p>\n
I recently killed someone, and if the war comes soon enough, Im hoping it can just get lumped in.<\/p>\n
Vicki Dupree (Skin Care Specialist)<\/p>\n
Um, something about George Soros and immigrants orhold on, I have it written down somewhere.<\/p>\n
Bo Rhodes (Carpenter)<\/p>\n
I feel like carnage on a national scale might shake things up a little.<\/p>\n
Oscar Torres (Data Scientist)<\/p>\n
Its either prepare for a civil war or try to get out there and date again.<\/p>\n
Travis Kutterman (Furniture Salesman)<\/p>\n
Ive got some vacation days saved up.<\/p>\n
Gina Lopez (Personal Assistant)<\/p>\n
Itd help me get my steps in.<\/p>\n
Terry Brown (Dentist)<\/p>\n
If Ive learned one thing from watching the modern Democratic Party operate, its that theyre an uncompromising faction working in perfect harmony, and theyll do anything to accomplish their goals.<\/p>\n
Dennis Robels (Network Administrator)<\/p>\n
Not really sure. Ill probably just do it until the NFL regular season starts.<\/p>\n
Scott Windmire (Superintendent)<\/p>\n
Oh, this isnt for a civil war. Ive always had this many guns.<\/p>\n
Jason Iuppa (Bank Teller)<\/p>\n
Just because you fantasize over something so much it becomes your entire personality doesnt mean you want it to happen.<\/p>\n
Peter McGuire (Marketing Executive)<\/p>\n
You can only bomb so many Middle Eastern countries before you eventually start bombing your own.<\/p>\n
Guy Arnold (Bus Driver)<\/p>\n
When I was a child, the government forced me to learn to read, and I cant unlearn that. Thats tyranny.<\/p>\n
Greg Abbott (Governor of Texas)<\/p>\n
If regular war is good for the economy, a civil war must be twice as good.<\/p>\n
Gregory Hayes (Raytheon CEO)<\/p>\n
Im rock hard just thinking about the profit wed make.<\/p>\n
Tucker Carlson (Fox News Host)<\/p>\n
My ratings have been way up. So thats not a great sign.<\/p>\n
Megan Grindle (Antiques Dealer)<\/p>\n
We need new statues.<\/p>\n
Clyde Dugan (Contractor)<\/p>\n
Its just easier to go to war again than take down my Confederate flag.<\/p>\n
Lori Welch (Video Rental Cashier)<\/p>\n
I really dont see any solution to this other than us getting killed by the government.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Read more:<\/p>\n
Conservatives Explain Why They Are Preparing For A Civil War - The Onion<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Since Jan. 6, 2021, many Trump supporters have been preparing to wage war against the U.S. Continue reading