When you are the lone survivor of a tragedy, how does it shape your life and how do you move on? Watch Insight's episode, Lone Survivor, on SBS on Tuesday, October 25 at 8:30pm or later on SBS On Demand here.<\/p>\n
For a long time, I did not cope very well at all, Beau Wise told Insight SBS.<\/p>\n
I dealt with everything in the wrong way. I shut out my family, really Marines were about the only people I could talk to, or my brothers guys, the Green Berets or the SEALS, and those were the guys I wanted to connect with.<\/p>\n
And I shut my wife out, I shut my sister [out], my parents and you know, anything that made me connect on an emotional level, I was not having it.<\/p>\n
Beau suffered from what is known as survivors guilt. His two older brothers, Jeremy and Ben, were killed in Afghanistan Jeremy a Navy SEAL and Ben a Green Beret.<\/p>\n
Beau also served in Afghanistan in the Marine Corps. He was the only brother to return home.<\/p>\n
Beau Wise at the graves of his two brothers<\/p>\n
Supplied<\/p>\n
Id play all the scenarios of why me? And it revolves around why the fathers at the time, Jeremy and Ben, were killed, he said.<\/p>\n
I didnt have children and they did and so thats one of those things in my head that Ive wrestled with why did the fathers leave?<\/p>\n
At one point in time I didnt want to admit that I had survivors guilt I think if I confessed that I did have it, it would have meant that I would have to talk to someone and that was the last thing I wanted to do, in the wake of the catastrophic events.<\/p>\n
Professor Richard Bryant is a clinical psychologist based at the University of NSW. He specialises in trauma. He explained toInsight that survivors guilt can be caused when our views of the world are challenged.<\/p>\n
Probably the main reason is that what underpins survivor guilt is that we do often have a sense that the world is just or its fair, and the fact that I have survived and somebody else hasnt, challenges that, he said.<\/p>\n
In fact, life is not fair - many, many traumas happen totally randomly or the person who does survive has actually had no control over the events that led to other people dying.<\/p>\n
The Wise brothers. From left to right - Jeremy, Ben, and Beau.<\/p>\n
Supplied<\/p>\n
However, Professor Bryant explained that survivors guilt doesnt affect everyone.<\/p>\n
it varies, there's not one kind of guilt, everybody has a different experience so the sort of guilt that people might have, it might not exist at all, or it can be very, very strong.<\/p>\n
Annette Herfkens was the lone survivor of a 1992 plane crash in Vietnam that killed 30 other people, including her fianc Willem Pasje van de Pas.<\/p>\n
\"It was very lonely I'd have to say being a lone survivor, especially from an aeroplane crash, because it's a very small club.... \" she told Insight's Kumi Taguchi.<\/p>\n
She said she felt a great sadness and grief after the death of Pasje, but said there was almost an expectation for her to feel survivor's guilt. Those feelings never came.<\/p>\n
Annette Herfkens meeting one of her rescuers when she returned to Vietnam.<\/p>\n
Supplied<\/p>\n
\"I got so much attention from the press and from everyone, that [survivor's guilt] was almost put on me, she said.<\/p>\n
I dont necessarily think I got the better part of the deal because he [Pasje] went to a beautiful place and I had to face life alone.<\/p>\n
\"Everyone was very much focusing on the way that I had survived and how Pasje had died, but for me I was not focusing on that at all.<\/p>\n
I was just an average widow, like so many widows in the world, and I'm sure I felt just what they felt.<\/p>\n
I felt bitter, went through all the stages of grieving - anger, it was bitter grief.<\/p>\n
I mean my future, I lost my future and that was basically the only thing that counted, was getting on without him.\"<\/p>\n
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Read more:<\/p>\n
Survivor's guilt: 'I'd play all the scenarios of why me?' - SBS News<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When you are the lone survivor of a tragedy, how does it shape your life and how do you move on? Continue reading