1. What is your name?<\/p>\n
a. Mud<\/p>\n
b. Daryl<\/p>\n
c. My other brother Daryl<\/p>\n
d. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!<\/p>\n
2. When is a good time to wear a mask?<\/p>\n
a. In public during a pandemic<\/p>\n
b. In private during role-playing<\/p>\n
c. While stiffing contractors<\/p>\n
d. When you no longer want to be free, you Leftist tool!<\/p>\n
3. When should you release your tax returns?<\/p>\n
a. When you promise to do so<\/p>\n
b. Vikings win Super Bowl<\/p>\n
c. Mercury aligns with Mars<\/p>\n
d. Only after the IRS sets Guinness world record for longest audit<\/p>\n
4. Top candidate for full presidential pardon:<\/p>\n
a. Roger Stone<\/p>\n
b. Son of Sam<\/p>\n
c. Zodiac Killer<\/p>\n
d. Petula Clark<\/p>\n
5. Reason Fisher Industries border wall is falling down:<\/p>\n
a. To make you look bad<\/p>\n
b. Bad batch of Elmers Glue<\/p>\n
c. Trump University engineering degree<\/p>\n
d. Who knew thered be weather?<\/p>\n
6. How should we address the $26.5 trillion national debt?<\/p>\n
a. Drown Grover Norquist in the bathtub <\/p>\n
b. Not right now, Honey, Im watching the game.<\/p>\n
c. Blame poor people<\/p>\n
d. Place fingers in ears and chant, La-la-la-la-la loudly<\/p>\n
7. Who got taxpayer-funded PPP bailouts?<\/p>\n
a. Socialists<\/p>\n
b. Rugged individualists<\/p>\n
c. Ayn Rand Institute. To buy more bootstraps.<\/p>\n
d. Dire Straits. Money for Nothing. Chicks for free.<\/p>\n
8. Who are the unidentified men in unmarked cars abducting protesters in Portland?<\/p>\n
a. Your Tinder date<\/p>\n
b. I dont know, but you should pay your parking tickets.<\/p>\n
c. The tyrants your well-regulated militia promised to rise against.<\/p>\n
d. Relax, theyre just practicing for Ghislaine Maxwell. <\/p>\n
9. Who can you trust in a pandemic?<\/p>\n
a. Pandemic! At the Disco<\/p>\n
b. Chuck Woolery<\/p>\n
c. Woolery Bullery<\/p>\n
d. Facebook memes<\/p>\n
10. Official product of White House: <\/p>\n
a. Goya beans<\/p>\n
b. Magic beans <\/p>\n
c. Beano<\/p>\n
d. Fisher Temporary Wall Corp.<\/p>\n
Bonus: Why polls show Joe Biden in the lead:<\/p>\n
a. Trump supporters too busy defending Confederate statues to answer the phone<\/p>\n
b. Statistician forgot to carry the one<\/p>\n
c. Puzzling outbreak of sanity among probable voters<\/p>\n
d. Fake news<\/p>\n
Answers: 1. a; 2. d; 3. a; 4. d; 5. d; 6. a; 7. b; 8. c; 9. d; 10. d; Bonus: a. <\/p>\n
Scoring: 11-9: Okay, who took the test for you? 6-8 correct: Good enough. At this point, the American people will settle for average. 3-5 correct: Dont feel bad; once Eric Trump lost a game of checkers to a Rhode Island Red. 0-2 correct: The doctors were so impressed that you found your desk. <\/p>\n
Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column for Forum News Service.<\/p>\n
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