The Russians hacked the Super Bowl last Sunday. <\/p>\n
Thats right, you read it here first. I have long maintained that Tom Brady, quarterback for the New England Patriots, is a cyborg. Now, I believe he is a cyborg built in a secret underground KGB lab in Siberia. It should be obvious to everyone by now that Tom Brady is not a normal human being. An unimpressive sixth-round draft pick in 2000, he somehow became the starting quarterback for the Patriots his second year and immediately led them to a Super Bowl victory. He has been the starter ever since and is now 39 years old. The average career length for quarterbacks is less than four and a half years. Brady has been playing for seventeen which proves he is not completely human. Yes, I know George Blanda and Brett Favre played longer, but they didnt play as well at age 39 and, of course, Blanda and Favre may have been cyborgs also. Quarterbacks that are actually human start to decline in throwing ability in their later year s witness Peyton Manning. Not cyborg Brady. He just finished the 2016 season with a pass completion rate of 67.4 percent. Only once in his career did he do better and that was in 2007. Like any well-built cyborg, he does not age. It was recently revealed that he wears special pajamas at night that supposedly rejuvenates his body more quickly while he sleeps. I suspect that, in reality, these pajamas are designed to recharge his cyborg batteries while he sleeps at night. <\/p>\n
Last Sunday, Brady the Cyborg, led his team to a victory after being down by an insurmountable 25 points midway through the third quarter. No team had overcome a score deficit of more than 10 points in a Super Bowl and still won the game. <\/p>\n
The last one to do that was, of course, Brady. I predicted last month that during the Super Bowl, Atlanta Falcons edge rusher Dwight Freeney would sack Brady, causing his head to come off, and proving Brady was a cyborg. Well, Freeney did sack Brady, but his head didnt come off--at least not right away. After the epic overtime win by the Patriots, you may have seen Brady hunched over on the field, seemingly overcome with emotion, while a protective mob surrounded and screened him from onlookers. He wasnt overcome with emotion. His head, loosened by Freeney, had fallen off as he walked off the field and the Brady-cyborg was on his hands and knees trying to find it. Thus, I think I have fairly well proven that Brady is a cyborg. What we didnt know, until now, is the Russian connection. Using my unique investigative journalistic skills, I began to connect the dots on the Russian deal when it was revealed after the game that someone had stolen Tom Bradys game jersey. There can be only one explanation. The jersey was stolen for Vladimir Putin the Russian president with the KGB eyes. Way back in 2005, after the Patriots had just defeated the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl XXXIX, Patriots owner Robert Kraft was in Russian on a business trip with a friend. Krafts friend urged him to show his Super Bowl ring to Putin. Putin put the ring on and weirdly remarked that he could kill someone with it. When Kraft asked for the ring back, Putin put it in his pocket and walked out of the room surrounded by a KGB escort. Kraft was afterwards strongly urged by the White House to say it was a gift to the Russian president.Krafts Super Bowl ring wasnt a gift, it was part of a payment. The New England Patriots needed a way to pay the Russians for the Brady-cyborg that wouldnt be detected by congress. Clearly, the ring and the jersey were the cost of creating the Brady-cyborg. We already know about the friendship between President Trump and the KGB cyborg Tom Brady. Although President Trump was not at the Super Bowl, Vice President, Mike Pence was. I suspect Pence managed to steal Bradys jersey and give it to President Trump so he could complete the payment and buy Putins silence about Brady being a KGB cyborg. Well know its all true when Putin wears the jersey and the ring the next time he poses for some of his macho-man photos while riding a bear or a lion or something. At least he wont be bare-chested this time. You are probably pretty amazed by now that I was able to put all this together. But, really, how else can you explain what happened last Sunday? Nobody comes back from a 25-point deficit in a Super Bowl. Nobody human, that is. Just because Im crazy doesnt mean KGB cyborgs arent stealing our Super Bowls. <\/p>\n
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Russian cyborg stole the Super Bowl - Sierra Vista Herald<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Russians hacked the Super Bowl last Sunday. Continue reading