Bunker mentality – The Exponent Telegram (press release) (registration)

Posted: March 27, 2017 at 4:42 am

It would seem that many of the super-rich in this world are planning for life after the end of the world. They are not digging bunkers in their back yards like some of us who count ourselves among the 99 percent. No, these folks are doing it right, with luxurious underground living quarters that make the old bunker at The Greenbrier look like Motel 6.

In a recent article by Evan Osnos in The New Yorker, survivalists are not just the woodsman in the tinfoil hat, the hysteric with the hoard of beans. In recent years survivalism has expanded to more affluent quarters, taking root in Silicon Valley and New York City.

(Just as an aside, Evan Osnos worked for The Exponent Telegram years ago and now hes with The New Yorker. I, too, could have worked for The New Yorker, but they never asked).

Anyway, CNN followed up on the story last week with a look at some of the bunkers in which the wealthy hope to ride out doomsday. There are many firms around the world building luxury shelters that have all the comforts of home. Or the comforts of what used to be your home which is now a smoldering ruin.

Some of the bunkers are old missile silos that were long ago built to stand up to a nuclear blast. All you need to do is furnish it and stock the pantry. (For Gods sake, dont forget the can opener.)

According to CNN, one such shelter in South Dakota will be equipped with all the comforts of a small town, including a community theater, classrooms, hydroponic gardens, a medical clinic, a spa and a gym. There was no mention of Starbucks, but Im sure it is an oversight. After all, how can you ride out a cataclysm without your morning latte?

A Survival Condo is being developed in Kansas at a site where the U.S. used to store nuclear warheads. You can have a penthouse for only $4.5 million. Im not sure how you can have a penthouse in an underground bunker. Is it at the top of the silo or the bottom? Survivalism is so complicated.

Its no surprise that they would build a bunker in Kansas because Ive been there and it already looks like the end of the world.

One of the creepier aspects of these underground lodgings is that many of the rooms have windows with photographs of the outdoors. Knowing my luck, any bunker I could afford would have a window with a photograph of a brick wall.

Of course, there are probably some unforeseen problems associated with going underground. If your water heater goes on the fritz, youre in a jam because we all know how difficult it is to find a plumber in an apocalypse.

There would be no internet and your cell phone would be useless. But you would still have all those VHS tapes of Whos the Boss?

And what happens when the food runs out? You cant just hop in the car and go to Whole Foods. And if you think their produce was expensive before Armageddon, well

Its interesting that the ultra-rich are spending so much money for a place to live when the bombs drop. The only problem I can see is that when the bombs actually drop, these people will likely be stuck in traffic in their limos. The only living things near their bunkers will be prairie dogs.

For me, when the end comes, Ill just go. No luxury bunker for me. I couldnt live in a world without baseball, the smell of freshly cut grass or the joy of looking up at the stars.

Besides, Ive got claustrophobia something awful.


Bunker mentality - The Exponent Telegram (press release) (registration)

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